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RebelliousLight
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PathStep 4 Compassion hearts1,003 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceMarch 10, 2023
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I don't know what to do anymore
Relationship Stress / by RebelliousLight
Last post
 October 30th, 2023
...See more My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We have had many issues and often would argue, break up and make up again. I know this is very toxic. We both are trying to fix it but he hasn't been prioritising me. 1 of the 1st major break ups was for 2 months and it was because of me feeling like I am not a priority. Now almost ¾ of a year later it is back again. I can't go in depth about how many different scenarios but let me use the most recent 1. We broke up recently due to the issues and him not priorities anything. So I of course get upset and well he told me to postpone it due to me have major school exams upcoming. So we did and the school stuff thankfully passed pleasantly. He kept insisting on talking things out and not breaking up for good so I eventually listened. But I wanted a formal proposal to be together again. He kept making it into a joke which I found upsetting. Then I decided to take it into my own hands and ask. He made it into a joke too even though I told him about it. I of course got upset followed by him getting upset saying that I started treated him badly and like a friend. Followed by me saying we aren't together. I hate that he took the break up for granted and he still is. But then again can I give him wrong due to our past history. I thought by asking for a formal beginning to our relationship it would bring some sense of seriousness into the relationship, but no. Just jokes. When I wanted to talk about it right away he said he couldn't because he was too mad and wanted an apology. How I was treating him differently in and belittling him and treating him as a pet. He saw it as disrespectful so I apologised for him thinking it that way and told him I didn't mean for it to come across that way. He was still upset and needed an hour to cool off. The hour arrives. He isn't even on time to talk about it. When he comes back he doesn't even tell me what happened, where he was or why he was late. I asked and only then he said he was playing a game. And it accidentally went over the time. I felt upset that he didn't tell me anything and allowed himself to play another game without watching the time. I was gaming too. But I made sure to be on time. He went in to say I would not understand and how I play games for fun and he is serious about it. Earlier the same day he left me alone to game, all because his aim was bad and he no longer wanted to game. What happen to spending time with your gf....isn't that still fun? He said not gaming. Unless he is winning it's not fun...to which I got upset because I genuinely like doing anything with him and I forced myself to play a game I don't even like as much anymore just to be with him. He then after saying little to nothing said he had to go play football and someone was coming to pick him up. I complained to him about how he asked for time off just to leave after saying little to nothing. Asked him if he could stay just today. He said no because the person was coming. I was mad but what could I do. More than an hour passed. My anxiety wouldn't go away. My body was tired but I simply couldn't sleep. So I waited on him. He came home messaged me and went straight to him game. He completely made no attempt to talk about our issues. I brought it up, obviously upset and complaining how I am never a priority. Whether it is spending time with me or dealing with our issues I never feel like a priority. He just apologised and said he is wrong. He then said can we talk about it tomorrow to which I said that I was waiting for so long and he asked for time just to never be ready to talk. Why wait for tomorrow just for something else to come up? Asked if something happened. And only then he explains that at football a guy and him were insulting each other but in a kinda "roasting" way and before the guy left he hit him on the head then ran away. My boyfriend came home upset due to that. But how was I expected to know that? I asked him how was I expected to know and where was the communication and he said he didn't tell me because I was feeling worse than him. But does it matter if I was feeling worse when I am not even being held a priority? The he went to bed because he also said all day he was feeling lazy. Every single time he has an issue it affects our relationship. Every single time he is in a bad mood I put his mood over mine and listen to him 1st. Prioritise him 1st even over my school work. I always manage to make sure he is okay and be there for him. My anxiety is getting back worse again and I don't know what to do. I love him but what more can I do if he simply won't put me 1st. Must I beg a guy who claims to love me to do his duties in the relationship? I don't want to leave. Nor does it make sense calling a break up because that never happens as seen in the past. But what more can I do? I simply don't know what to do.
Who should I choose? (Vent)
Relationship Stress / by RebelliousLight
Last post
 March 29th, 2023
...See more I would 1st like to apologise for this being so long but at this point, I have no idea what to do anymore and would like advice and opinions other than mine. For a backstory my bf of 1 and a half years, who we can call "A", and I have broken up. I broke up with him about 2 months ago due to him not prioritising the relationship and choosing his friends over me. He would often leave me and spend little to no time with me so he could go out with his friends and when we had disagreements that should have been discussed we would not prioritise fixing them. Also never listened to get rid of his female friends who had bad intent until he actually saw their bad motives towards our relationship and by then they would have already crossed the line. He usually always tried to be present in our disagreements and work things out after we got to understand each other in our relationship but near the end, he was just absent. It really bothered me when he once left an ongoing for 3 days that actually started off as a disagreement but escalated into an argument due to his absence. So I broke up with him because I needed that one on one communication and not putting your friends 1st soo much. After we broke up it was hard for me to let go to the extent that I kept checking his socials and every day I saw 1 new girl being added to his following which made me go into anxiety attacks and cry endlessly. So to ease the pain I spoke to my ex one last time and we both made a pack that if we ever found someone new we would tell the other person and if not hopefully in the future we would get back together again as we still loved each other but he wasn't ready for a relationship. We stopped speaking and I blocked him on everything so I couldn't check. On valentines day my good friend introduced me to his cousin who we can call "D" as we were all bored. We ended up texting and I vented about my ex a bit too much to him as I thought I was never gonna talk to him ever again. Fast forward a few days we are still talking and we end up running a marathon together and he is athletic so he came in the top 20 while I was walking the whole thing. After the marathon, we hung out and played badminton together with my friend. Eventually, my friend left us alone and we had a deep and fluid conversation which was uncommon for me as I am extremely introverted. After the day passed we kept talking but after a few days I ended up accidentally checking my ex's socials (which my friend deleted from my phone to help ease the pain) and I saw him with more girls and found out he went partying with this random girl and it crushed me. I fully forgot about D and even told him that I don't wanna talk to him for a while because my heart needed to heal. He said he understood. Later that day I saw D post a new girl on his status and I told myself I dodged a bullet. 2 days later we were texting on the group chat and he decided to message me. He asked me how I was and then we started back talking again. He even asked if it was okay if we kept talking and I agreed since I told myself that I can't be so stuck up on my ex. Many times I warned him about the fact that I still deeply love my ex and I'm not ready for anything but the more we spoke to closer we got. Then we went with a few friends to watch a movie and near the end of the movie we were cuddling and my friend took pictures of us walking together looking happy. Which D posted online in a way that made me look like his love interest. So now here comes the complicated and dumb part of the pack. I had to tell my ex to uphold my promise and when I unblocked him just to talk to him but before I even got a word out about it he said how much he wanted to talk to me and how he missed me soo much. How he was ready to be better for me etc. My emotions for him immediately came flooding back but as I told him about D he cried a bit and felt sad that he messed up. Then we called all night. It was the best thing ever but then I had to tell D and D got a bit upset as expected. A and I called the other night as well but this time we spoke about what was happening and we both cried to each other but mainly him crying and me being worried about him. I kept being transparent to both of them saying that I can't be with either if I have feelings for the other and I understand if they choose to leave. Neither left and both kept making me overthink and have more anxiety attacks. So I thought making a group chat for me to express how I felt would have helped but it only made D look immature as he went off on A while A was surprisingly calm the whole time. I ended up choosing neither as a result of me being upset and overthinking too much which was affecting my sleep and health. I kept talking to both as someone on here advised me to get to know both without the other knowing about it as that would make the other try more. So I did that and every time I called with D late at night he made it sexual. I just wanted to get to know him and at night is when we both are free. Even though I don't fully oppose the sexual talk I feel as if he is building something with me more physically than emotionally. Which he has a history of doing as I heard of his past and a few weeks before he met me he was with a girl I didn't like from my childhood doing sexual acts even though he only knew her for less than a month. D and I know each other for more than a month now but idk if that's enough time. He keeps saying I'm different from the others but he could be lying. Things with A haven't been amazing either because I find myself having trust issues with him when it comes it his female friends and his whereabouts. Eventually, after a few days, I told them both that I still talk to the other since I didn't wanna keep lying and potentially hurt the other. I didn't tell them much and just left it there. With A I feel more emotions but distrust. With D I feel the potential to be in love again but I don't know if that is realistic. Either way, I'm scared of what to choose because if I was in either of their positions I would be hurt. I don't want to hurt them but the longer I string them along the more this will hurt. Please give your opinions.
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