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Rebecca503
1 2,972 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 30 Compassion hearts316 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes21 Current upvotes21 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceSeptember 13, 2015
Bio
Hey'all! My name is Rebecca Aldana and I am 18 years old, I'm from El Salvador and I enjoy helping people because I think that if we give love, we receive love and being honest with you i know pain more than anything. It will be my pleassure to meet you. Sorry for my english.
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I hate nightmares
Trauma Support / by Rebecca503
Last post
 January 15th, 2023
...See more I suffered from child physical and emotional abuse since I have memory until I ran away to be victim of sexual abuse by a stranger. Then I came back to my home, and the physical abuse kind of stopped (not completely but was not worse than before) and the emotional abuse increase tremendously. I am now 25 years old, manage to runaway as soon as I turn 18 and now I am a functional depressed young adult, with high anxiety, cptsd, chronic pain (scars left from my childhood) and so on. And honestly one of the things that I hate the most of all are nightmares. I feel tired most of the time, I believe is the depression, life is hard for me and I know that it might be for everyone but I have this belief that I am oka different level of pain that most of the people surround me don't understand. I am always tired, is hard for me to function, intrusive thoughts are part of my day to day, I fight with that voice in my head that is myself, telling me constantly how comforting not existing anymore would be. But I feel too responsible for dying, and I cant do it either wa. But I really, really, really can't stand nightmares. They are about every little action or abuse that at some point hurt me, my mind always goes back to those places in my dreams, I am always a victim in my dreams and I hate it! I feel so scared and afraid in my dreams, I feel so dumb and without the power to stand up for myself and then I wake up, scared, agitated, upset and tired! Physically tired and emotionally, my nightmares drains me out. I wake up feeling a hughe weight on my shoulders, feeling awkward and not part of my own self. People around me don't get it: how could I be so happy the prior day and next day just want to lay all day in silence? I'm tired to explain it. I just want some good sleep for god sake. I just want to stop going back to my childhood/teen/adult fears whenever I am just planning to take a rest. Man, I just want to rip It off out of my head but I can't. And i feel worthless, and stupid, and the cycle comes again. I'm hungry but I doy want food, I don't deserve it. I'm not alone but I feel like I do. I want to live but I feel that is too painful to be in here. I want to stop what no one stopped before but I am unable to change the past and is now tormenting my daily routine when I'm supposed to finally have peace outside that home. I want to write my heart out, because I can't cry anymore, I am just tired to be.
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Physical child abuse, does this have an end?
Trauma Support / by Rebecca503
Last post
 August 22nd, 2017
...See more Hi everybody, I'm Becky and I just read a good post asking if things gets better and I'm really afraid of it. I used to be hitted sense I was a kid untill I left my mother's house when I was 18. 3 years have passed, I'm away from everyone with a nice job and I'm still sad, I still feel like in an emotional prison and lonely, nightmares and scare, is the same even when my mom is no longer around. Will this ever change? My family believes that what happened was all my fault, I grew up being beaten daily and of course I was a rebel kid, I was angry with me and everyone out there. But no kid deserves to be beaten right? I hope that if someone out there feel like me please comment this post. Hope y'all fell better.
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