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Punkinkitty
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PathStep 5 Compassion hearts20 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceSeptember 24, 2023
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30 Year Antidepressant Dance
Depression Support / by Punkinkitty
Last post
 September 28th, 2023
...See more I am at the end of my rope. I've got to find solutions. I was 32 and seeing a counsellor about my marriage, she suggested me seeing a psychiatrist to see if drugs would help. Prozac turned the lights on and I could think clearly to make decisions. They would take me off the drugs when my life was calmer. I was divorced with a 3 year old and an executive at a financial services firm. So when did my life calm down? Never did. One pill, up pill, change pill, add a pill, add another, etc. That has been my dance for 30 years. I played that game. April 2022, I was to add the 4th pill and I was done. I weaned myself off them and I have been struggling for the last year and a half. Wake up every day with a sense of dread. Had a stroke August 2022 and another stroke January 2023, by the grace of God no residual, Neurologist said it wasn't because I got off the antidepressants, they're unsure why it happened. (Had a mini stroke in 2017). Live on a blood thinner. The good thing about being off antidepressants is I lost 40 lbs. The counsellor suggests seeing a psychiatrist to see if TMS would be the answer. That is the protocol for drug resistant depression. I am scared to death. I don't want magnets on my head. What if it doesn't work? What if there are side effects? What if it does work, but then it stops working? I've had those disappointments on antidepressants. Keep cancelling counsellor appointments because I haven't made a psychiatrist appointment. If I could roll back 30 years, I wish I had never taken the short cut of pills and just pushed through with the counseling. My life may not be the "nightmare" I perceive it to be today. Set counsellor appointment for Oct. 11th. Promised my husband and daughter not to cancel it. I want talk therapy to work rather than being back on pills or TMS. My life is good except for me - my depression. I have a supportive and wonderful husband, daughter and mother. We do not have financial worries. So many others have horrible financial issues. Yes, I had 3 strokes, a minor heart attack, stage 1 breast cancer/lumpectomy and cervical cancer scare/hysterectomy, but all of this is minor when compared to what other people go through. I have every reason to be joyful and I feel shame to let depression and anxiety overtake me. I dont talk about this, I hate to bother people with 30 years of boring depression. So, I don't have real friends. I am trying to be more social because my counsellor told me to be, but I have a hard time connecting. I make small talk, ask alot about other people, not sure when to share. I see other people chit chatting and look so comfortable socializing, I am in awe of them. Thank you for this forum and would appreciate insights. Great link below - I need to read it over and over till it sticks: https://www.intrepidmentalhealth.com/blog/12-things-not-to-do-if-youre-suffering-from-depression
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