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PonyQuiles
1 90 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2022 Member sinceJanuary 4, 2022
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Ya know, I'm just trying my best here. <3

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My Lovely Ranting Corner
Journals & Diaries / by PonyQuiles
Last post
 January 11th, 2022
...See more a vent poem. tw; self-harm Choke. Choke. Take a breath before you choke Lose the air and lose the blood and Lose the thoughts rushing through your head Don’t let go until you’re nearly dead I love to be unconscious Sleep is my escape but even dreams Are littered with problems Even my subconscious knows something is off That something is wrong This head of mine is not where I belong And yet It’s home. I want to go back home Take be back to when things were normal Take me back to feeling good Not misunderstood or overwhelmed Take me back to before I was used. I’ve had it all I’ve had the world I’ve been a gem I’ve been a blessing, Been a light But I’ve lost it all That is to say I’ve Lost myself Where did she go If not six feet under? Where is she now If not in my grave? Where can I find her Dead or alive? Look in the mirror and I don’t see her Who is she now? Pent up and Bent to twist and fit into Someone else’s narrative Because i failed to make my own Mine was messy And it hurt you I live to love you And I’m pent up and Spent up Used and adored But then i get bored Then i go numb When id like to dumb and Happy But instead im Pent up. Fighting the tears but They always win World champion If the world is my own twisted mind But crying’s got a sidekick We call her obsession Hyperfixation I'd rather bash my head Into a wall But i choose an alternative Bash my skin with fingertip blades And claw my arms to stinging blaze Claw my legs to red and scars Hit. Hit until it bruises Until my thighs are pretty and purple I can be my own punching bag. Get out of my head Get out of my head Perfectly imperfect Leave or talk to me in bed Or talk to him on his couch I know that you would love to You’re me and She’s inside of you. Get out of my head. I say words that you don’t understand I wish people understood looks or Silence I wish they understood these abstract poems That don’t mean anything I wish it clicked I wish they didn’t make me say it out loud I bounce between self-hatred and Feeling proud But what is pride if not confident narcissism I wish I wasn’t so incompetent I wish I was more secure I wish safe was more ensured Nothing feels safe No one is sacred No place is home like hell I’ve earned this fate I guess I might as well Choke.
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