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PlzDontPanic
7,871 M Moving Along 7
PathStep 1,501 Compassion hearts206 Forum posts177 Forum upvotes196 Current upvotes196 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceJune 4, 2016
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Happy Birthday to me
35 & Over Community / by PlzDontPanic
Last post
 December 7th, 2020
...See more In the past, I dreaded my birthdays. They were a source of disappointment in other people who I never felt cared enough to do anything to celebrate my life, and disappointment in myself for another year when I didn't accomplish my few goals which were losing weight, finding the love of my life, losing the existential dread. This year I'm over a hump getting into my late thirties and I feel differently. I feel content. I have steady work, I am getting straight A's in college, I have a mate who is considerate and stable, I am financially stable. I'm still chubby, but I don't care really about that as much as about my health. I've accomplished a lot this year and I see myself accomplishing a lot in the next one. I never reached the exact goals, the the intense specifications I hoped for in my youth, but my goals have changed with the wisdom of age. I don't need a flat stomach and smooth thighs. I need to feel good and live a long healthy life. I don't need to marry a tall dark handsome prince. I can enjoy a relationship with a sweet, gentle, considerate partner. My big goals for the coming year are to find a way to release bad memories and stop having nightmares about my regrets and anxiety over things that are long over now. To get healthier. To engage with my fellow humans in a new way, to consider them as the ends and not the means, and to treat them as though they are all important. In the past, because I felt everyone would leave me, I considered all relationships temporary and therefore unimportant. Because my heart was broken. But now I want to love people and do well by them, even knowing they may be temporary in my life, they are still important. This year I will focus on my personal philosophy, re-evaluate my values, and be more grateful and present.
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Jealous Coworker
Relationship Stress / by PlzDontPanic
Last post
 July 19th, 2018
...See more I was promoted at work due to my predessessors death. Now I have a coworker who has been kind of rude and jealous always has something to say if I wear makeup or something that shows me off at all she will point it out. I've seen her looking at my breasts so I think she might be sexually bothered by me and trying to disguise it by being rude. I tried the route of being friendly and being even vulnerable with her and spoke to her about things that were happening in my life, and she later used them to belittle me. After I got promoted she started acting even worse. Bringing up my wardrobe at our meetings, coming into my office to just be distruptive thinking she's funny. I posted a pic of myself in the office to insta feeling good about myself and my day of work and she commented, "so this is what you do all day". In fact, I had been at work before and after her every day for months, and I posted this image at closing time before I locked up. As a salaried professional who stays 3 hours longer than is recquired of me per day I don't think it's a problem that I took time to take a selfie. I eat my lunch while I work. I keep long hours. I don't know why I feel like I need to defend myself. She's just annoying me and I know thats what she wants.
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Not Dating but Seeing People
Relationship Stress / by PlzDontPanic
Last post
 July 20th, 2018
...See more This is a new world of dating where people are seeing people and not calling it anything or saying just friends but acting like more and never saying you want more cuz you might have to give up your something else going on. I'm new to this and I thought it would be freeing, but it doesn't feel free. It feels like I'm trapped by muliple people who don't tell me they want more because they are seeing someone else too because they are scared to focus on one person again too, and I am craving more, but I'm scared I'll never meet anyone who only wants me. I know many people who thought there would be someone some day and they waited and the day never came for them and they suffered and cried themselves to sleep in cold beds. I know someone who is literally dying, will die within weeks, who is dying alone cuz her man cheated and left her. I have been cheated on in every relationship, so I thought I'd try not going for a relationship. Just taking what I need from these non relationships and being free. But it's not working for me. I don't like the way I feel. It feels like I'm lying even though I know they keep their side secrets too because we never ask each other. I'm afraid to let go because I don't want to be alone and lose the only connections I have and I'd miss these people too. I don't think I like this non dating situation, these non relationships. But I've also been hurt too much to even consider trusting someone to put my heart on the line and stay loyal to just one. I couldn't do it without the same promise and even then I doubt I could go without doubting them. I think I might be broken for that kind of love which is sad, because it's the only kind I ever wanted. So now I'm trying to love myself and trying to focus on self respect and I'm finding I don't respect myself for beingin these non relationships. It's not all the time. Sometimes I feel fine. But sometimes my chest hurts and I meditate on why and I find it's got something to do with these ...non boo's, and a kind of loneliness that I've always had. A hope that's been shattered beyond repare. So if I know I'm not ready for the real thing, even though that's what I want, and I can't stand to be without some kind of affection for long without going crazy, what should I do? I'm thinking about it. I'm pushing it out of my mind but I lay awake at night with eyes wide, thinking about it. I wake up and I hit snooze and I want to go back to sleep but I can't, cause I'm thinking about one or the other man and how I'm keeping them a secret from each other, and how they have secrets from me too, how they don't put me first neither, how they lie and cheeat and steal moments and kisses and affections of their other mistresses. None of us knows what we want even the ones that are lying to me saying I'm the only one and they got a history of cheating on me when we were as one. I fantasize about monogomy and polygamy and I'm jealous and I'm selfish and so are they. So this is a weird time in my history. When I didn't know what would become of me. I'm not having a relationship but I'm seeing people who are seeing people. Better than making promises we can't keep. But I dream of the day someone I want makes that promise to me, that's when i really think, I'll be free.
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2/4/6/8 Who Do You Appreciate?
Positivity & Gratitude / by PlzDontPanic
Last post
 April 9th, 2018
...See more Who are you most appreciative of today and why?
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Bad mouthed my own significant other but they are turning over a new leaf and friends aren't as willing to believe as I am
Relationship Stress / by PlzDontPanic
Last post
 January 26th, 2017
...See more I'm in a long term relationship with my significant other for almost a decade, he has done me wrong often enough that a lot of people wouldn't put up with it, but I also have the strongest feelings of romantic attachment to this person, unconditional love. But over the years there were incidencts where they cheated, lied, and relied on me financially against my will. And I talked about it with people I thought were our friends but they have never been really helpful because all they've said is that I should dump my significant other, when what I wanted was advice about how to manage the situation so that we can be happy together. Anyway now after almost a decade these friends are starting to mention that I should dump my significant other at every conversation even though I didn't bring s.o. up. And now my S.O. is turning over a new leaf, trying harder to be more caring and recipricol in the relationship. When I tell my friends this, they say we have a pattern and that my S.O. will fail me again and that everyone can see it and that my S.O. is holding me back and everything. I really want to try being with my s.o. on the terms that he's trying this hard to make things right, I want to give him that chance...I am doing so. But every interaction with my friends that I've talked to about us has been them telling me to come stay on their couch or something and just move on. I love my s.o. I think sometimes these friends hearts are in the right place and sometimes maybe they are just interfering because they like drama. I wanted adivce I could use and didn't get it, now they are pushing me to do something I don't want to do or am not ready to do at this time. I feel terrible because I have created a rift between our friends and my s.o. I have laid out our private business to people I thought would keep it to themselves because it isn't gossip it's about a friend in need of advice and support, but they talked to each other about us and I'd hear what I said to one person coming out of another persons mouth. I work with some of my "friends" now and wonder sometimes if everyone at work knows our private business because I trusted a few friends to be supportive and keep my confidence. My S.O. wants to move away and I think resents me a bit because people know more about them than they'd like. How can I fix this?
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