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PixelStar
3,752 M Seeking Light 3
PathStep 27 Compassion hearts132 Forum posts80 Forum upvotes73 Current upvotes73 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceJuly 7, 2015
Bio

hi
gender: agender


Recent forum posts
How can I become more psychopathic
Anxiety Support / by PixelStar
Last post
 December 15th, 2017
...See more I guess some of us have consider it. Living always anxious and with fear is literally destroying me everyday and I cant keep up with it anymore. I'm getting really desperate. How can I not care anymore, I dont want to worry about everything and everyone. Is there like a medicine, something I can drink or eat? Should I hit myself in the head hard enough? Is there a experimental medical facility looking for volunteers? I want to apply. What are the steps?
I haven't had anxiety lately but...
Anxiety Support / by PixelStar
Last post
 March 19th, 2017
...See more ... I think I broke. It's been 3 weeks without any anxiety attacks and that's good but I like got mentally tired or something and since they stopped I've been feeling numb. Like depressed (?) and I feel like I cannot relate to people. I feel nothing from others, distant like watching a movie and people are characters, things just move around, I feel like a foreign or even not human. The sensation is not that strong but it's there. i feel like a zero multiplied by zero. I have identified as non binary demisexual but what if that is kind of a way to justify that I just can't feel or relate. i don't know what to think about this. Am I depressed?
What has loneliness made to you
Depression Support / by PixelStar
Last post
 July 30th, 2018
...See more We all know that loneliness has made things really bad and life much more difficult for all of us. I want to know what has it done to you.
I feel nothing and it bothers me, but maybe I dont want to...
Depression Support / by PixelStar
Last post
 February 24th, 2017
...See more I have anxiety and some depression, I guess for being lonely for so long. I have episodes of "feeling well" that come and go that can last months but it always goes back to the same and it always feels the same. The point is that I have been trying to understand why even though I have people that clearly love me and care about me I cannot feel them. Is like with enough pressure a void was created on me and now I'm always empty even if something good occasionally happens is just gets sucked. I always feel like I'm acting, never felt I've had a name of my own (I'm nonbinary and haven't found a name that feels right for me), is like I dont exist somehow, I've been loosing interest on studying, working, even find a partner that was like my life objective at some point. I'm not a bad person but for some reason I think it hasn't bring me any good. I feel like I want to punch someone or say horrible things and harm them so they can fight me back, or that something bad happen to me because in some level I kind of want it. Probably I don't know what I'm saying, I used to feel anger and impotence almost like an archrivalry with some people (mi bullies, my mom, my teachers) but now I just cannot do that because I'm essentially not a bad person, but maybe I need to get angry and think bad because that made me feel better and act to improve myself. I cannot do that anymore and just makes me feel misserable. I feel like I have to demostrate myself with others that I'm something and it's frustrating and makes me anxious not knowing what is happening. But at the same time I feel like I really dont want to care either. is just that: justify. Do I really not care or do I? Everytime I feel like I care about something or want to be better and stronger is not that I want to but I need to do it to prove myself worthy, therefore is not actually getting what I really want. I don't know what I want. I'm a plus one minus one. I feel detached. I don't empathyse too much with people. I feel uncomfortable roleplaying as a human in videogames for example, is like is not me. It was not much of a problem before because I though everything would change with time as I got older but it's just the same. Am I loosing it? Does anyone has something like this? Is it actually bad that I dont feel because to me it feels more like I'm trying too hard to adapt and be more like what I'm suppose to be or feel like. I'm so confused...
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