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Patriot
1 3,095 M Seeking Light
PathStep 33 Compassion hearts444 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceFebruary 10, 2015
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Caretaker Burn Out
Family & Caregivers / by Patriot
Last post
 17 hours ago
...See more I'm just so spent.  My husband and I have been taking care of my 90 year old mother for the past 4 years.  We've not had a vacation or a weekend away for 4 years. My husband is retired and I still work, so he takes care of Mom during the day and I take over when I get home from work and on the weekends.   Prior to my mom's illness (osteoarthritis-unable to move around unassisted but can still walk) we were very close. We enjoyed each other's company and had fun together. Since she became ill, I've seen a very different side to her. She's overly dramatic with her symptoms, demanding, unreasonable and mean.  She was tested for dementia and the results were she just has age related memory issues but not dementia. It's her attitude that has gotten me so down. She used to be fun, we (my husband and I) loved taking her places, taking her on trips with us, dinners etc... But now she is a bitter, ugly old woman who finds fault with all we do for her. If I clean her bathroom, she'll point out small specks I may have missed, we buy her good quality food, she won't eat it (we've wasted so much money on food for her that she says she likes, then won't eat), complains she wants socks, when we buy her socks she finds fault and won't wear them, the same with shoes & slippers. The list goes on and on.  Both my husband and I are just mentally exhausted. We have no help (can't afford Visiting Angels and we have no family nearby). We can't go anywhere to get away from her.  The only time we get a break is when she is sleeping.   I'm tired all the time, depressed, no motivation and feel hopeless.  My husband, while being a great support, feels the same. No energy, no motivation to do anything. We both feel like we're being held hostage by an ungrateful shrew who is determined to make us feel as miserable as she is and she is succeeding.  She cannot afford to go into a nursing home and my husband is old school and feels since we're her only family (both my brothers have passed in the last 10 years and my father passed 22 years ago) we need to keep her at home as long as we can.  Her doctors are not much help. They just want to put her on antidepressants (she refuses to take them).  Aside from that, they just take her temp, do her labs and send her out the door until next year.  I just needed to vent.  I never anticipated this happening to a woman who was so full of life and had such a great outlook. I also never anticipated how miserable and defeated I would end up feeling at this stage in my life. I see no hope for the future. 
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What am I doing Wrong?
Family & Caregivers / by Patriot
Last post
 May 30th, 2023
...See more My husband and I take care of my 88 year old mother, who lives with us. 3 years ago she took sick (osteo-artitis). My husband is retired, I'm still working. My husband is her primary caregiver while I work. When I am not working, I try to take over to give him a break. We had a good weekend until this morning. We got mom a hanging plant for mother's day. We put it in the same spot we put her mother's day hanging plant. Since we put it there she's complained that it doesn't get enough sun (despite it's the same plant, and same spot we always put her mother's day plant for years). Finally today, I lost my temper. I had enough of her nagging about the plant. My husband finally moved it and she's sitting on her bed pouting. We do all we can to make her happy and she acts like a child. My brother came over to visit and she completely ignored him. Now my husband is mad at the way I handled the situation. I feel like nothing I do it right in this scenario. I'm spent.
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