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Oktawian
5 311 M Embraced 2
PathStep 17 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceFebruary 6, 2025
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Personality Disorders Support / by Oktawian
Last post
 February 12th
...See more i find it really hard to get new relationships. i only get to know someone if i will have something from them. since i dont have a driving license, in my previous job i was forced to call an uber which costed me so much because i live in another city. but then, one of my coworkers liked me and offered me lifts up after every shift for free. only someone so stupid would refuse and so we became friends. after i left this job ive decided to keep in touch because they are buying me gifts which i enjoy. other people? i dont care. there are currently two people that want to get me know better but i find it so exhausting. i dont care about your day, your struggles, you are nothing to me, i wont notice if you dissapear. i like the attention, we can talk about me. ask me questions, i like answering them. it sounds horrible, doesnt it? but at the other hand, when we talk about relationships and being together, i think im a good partner. i had to breakup with my previous girlfriend because when we started dating she wasnt awared that shes transgender. she told me this, i talked with her we need to breakup because, apparently, im not bisexual. just the idea of being with a girl built up kind of disgust with me. i immediately started seeing her as a girl and i distanced myself in a second. she cried a lot and i kinda moved on after 15 minutes of being a little bit sad it happened over 3 years ago, from that moment ive been single, we still have contact and she has a boyfriend now. the main reason i was interested in her was because i was attracted to her physically. like, a lot. i find it extremely important for a guy to be attractive in my eyes. "oh, i was thinking the same until i found my current boyfriend and i fall in love with his character first!" shut up. this is about me. great you think that way, but i wont date someone i dont find attractive. im not sure if i can even fall in love, dont know if its possible for me. with my ex - the most intense feeling i had towards her was this light warm in my heart a few times that lasted for few seconds max. ive never felt something like that, it was the most intense feeling i had for anyone. dont get me wrong, if a guy is handsome and charming but is acting like an *** i wont waste my time for him. strict rules in relationships are important. you break them? i wont hesitate to leave you and move on without any regret. im not pathetic like most of people that will find any excuse to glorify them and refuse to break up i wouldnt say im ugly or handsome. maybe im somwhere in between being mid and attractive. i had a lot of people finding me attractive and trying to make something more with me but i wasnt interested. everyone, even random people from my highschool i dont know are commenting my photos on *** saying i should be a model with my face. in highschool i was considered handsome but also an outsider i know im talking about a lot of things, but one lead to another, they are connected and ive never talked to anyone about mu thoughts or feeling. well, it happened once and my friendship of 9 years was destroyed. didnt cry about it tho
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