NickyYayUwU Member Profile

Is he trying to be my friend or is he flirting? I'm afraid of falling for him again

General Support / by NickyYayUwU

June 12th

...See more "I'm afraid of falling for him again and start suffering all over again" I said when that happened. Now, I hate staring my thread like romantic/dramatic books so I'll explain quickly what's up. ____________________________________________________________ Introduction Since the first year of highschool ( in Italy we have 5 years) I fell for a boy who became my classmates the next year. If I told you how I crushed for this guy, you're call me crazy or even patheyic....or psychopath. This crush melted as soon as, always during the second year of hs, I got to know by some that he was "dating" a girl. September 2023, third year of highschool, they broke up because he found out she was cheating on him during summer holidays, I kept my head on my studied and I kind of isolate myself from him and my classmates to focus better on my homework (but mostly because I was mad because I got betrayed as well but by a "friend"). The school ended a few days ago, in June 6th. What happened between me and him this year kinda shocked me, mostly from April until now. ____________________________________________________________ This year, this guy which I had a VERY BIG CRUSH ON HIM, started actually noticing me... Or better, in the second year I felt like my presence bothered him : he almost never talked to me or looked at me ect. He never greeted me. This year, anytime I'd enter the classroom, he'd greet me, and so I did, but each day it was becoming more talkative, if you know what I mean. For example, one day I went to my class (which was still empty) so I could study Arts because we had a test that day. A few minutes later there he is who greets me (and so I did) and starts questioning me, maybe for curiosity, if the teacher would've tested me orally and if I was ready. I told him that I was studying because of the test (which was not oral) and then we kinda talked for a while.... Then, moving on, things got interesting... During P.E. he would always compliment my skill. If we played volleyball and I randomly "saved" the balk from touching the ground, he would go like "NICE OONE, NICOLE" (yes, my name's Nicole), or If I randomly started running pass him, he would say "ZIUUM" as a supercar passed by if you know what I mean... What even shocked me the most, this was a recent one, is that he CHOSE ME OVER HIS FRIEND WHEN HE HAD TO CREATE A SQUAD FOR, I think handball if I'm not wrong? He said when chosing "Hmm, I'm looking at (his friend's name) but I'm choosing Nicole instead". Another event that happened, which is the one that got me doubting, was the kiss he sent me. My teacher had to test me orally that day, and he randomly called me by my name and asked me if she was going to test me that day (considering that he knew she was gonna call me that day..) so I replied yes, and he blew me a kiss in front of everyone. I couldn't stop blushing of course. Then , GOD HE GOT CRAZIER. HESTARTED GREETING ME AS A FRIEND LIKE "SUP NICOLE: EVERYTIME I PASSED BY HIM, THEN AGAIN HE STOPPED THE TEACHER'S LESSON (ALTHOUGH IT WAS OVER ALREADY" AND CHEERED ME WHILE CLAPPING HIS HANDS AND SAID "WELL JOB NICOLE!! WELL DONE" WHILE SMILING...(CONSIDER THAT I HAD DONE NOTHING AT ALL AND EVERYBODY STARTED STARING AT ME AND SMILING) Oh and much more stuff happened, but this thread would be endless If I made a list of the things he "ironically" said to me, so I'm gonna add just one more detail and then there will be a question for you all reading this. The last day of school our english teacher asked us to write down anonymously on a piece of paper which classmate made you happy, has supported you or made you feel surprised somehow. I wrote down that there was a person in the classroom who made me feel soo happy this year and surprised me quite a lot (since the previous year I was like I didn't exist for him) yet in the paper I didn't want to say who this person was, and I literally wrote this thing down. When the teacher read all the message, this guy (my "ex"crush) said "aww" as if he knew I wrote it and I was talking about him. Now, I don't know what to think actually. It makes me soo excited thinking that my crush is trying to be my friend or even flirting. On the other hand, this is creeping me out. Not him, but myself. If he wants to be my friend, there will be no way that I won't fall for him again like I did before, and I don't want to end up suffering. But, good thing is that if he becomes my friend then I might confess all to him later. But according to you is he trying to be my friend or is he flirting? Any tips for calming me down cause this school year ended up pretty well and I don't want to mess up everything again. I'd like to be his friend if he wants to, but I fear myself. Thanks again for your attention ♡

~ Your therapy matters💚☕️ What's yours?

General Support / by NickyYayUwU

April 15th

Social anxiety and alexinomia

Anxiety Support / by NickyYayUwU

April 27th

Car enthusiasm

General Support / by NickyYayUwU

March 2nd

"I can't take it anymore"

7 Cups Online Therapy / by NickyYayUwU

February 16th

...See more "I had promised myself, I wouldn't have shed a tear this new scholastic pentamester.." Hi, today something extremely embarassing happened to me: Me and two of my classmates got orally tested in the philosophy subject. I had studied a whole day the previous day, yet I haven't got anything back. Or better, I got Lied to. When a teacher asks you multiple questions, there's a higher chance of succeeding in an oral test. Since we were there students being tested, she asked many questions to a guy which I'm going to call "A", and the guy next to me, which I'll call "B", didn't know much apparently and messed up many times. What happened, you may think? A, which is the guy who got millions of questions, got a nice grade (it was not a 10/10 not even a A+++) but succeeded in responding to a few questions. B, which was close to me, kind of struggled in responding to questions the teacher asked him. When he didn't know a thing, I would raise up my finger, so that the teacher would notice the fact I knew the answer to that question and maybe, if she only let me respond, I would've helped him. If she ONLY let me respond...which didn't happen. It was my turn to be interviewed, and she asked me a question she had asked to B, which I had responded to already (the only moment she let me talk) because B didn't know the answer to it. So yeah, after a few, she decided to ask me the EXACT same question, but with different words: she had articulated the phrase so much, that I couldn't understand what she meant. I asked her to repeat it, I told her I couldn't understand what she meant, yet she asked me only two questions. In the end, I had studied a whole book, my whole exercise book with all the notes I took from each lessons, spent a whole afternoon studying....for then get interviewed on only two miserable questions about a stuff that we didn't even conclude. She never let other students know what grade they have gotten, but SOMEHOW this time she decided to let us KNOW in front of other what grade she would've gave us. Both A and B got nice grades (B BARELY ANSWERED TO HER QUESTIONS) and I...heh...I got a disgusting grade. At the end of the lesson I waited for everybody to quit the classroom for then break up in tears in front of the teacher (because I have been holding in too much not because I meant to, I hate crying) I hate the most (aka her) and ask if my grade was sufficient or not (because before she didn't tell me if it was a sufficient grade or not, she simply made a face as if she wanted to say "what the f have you done...") She came up to me and started talking as if I was an enfant (which made me feel like an idiot) and started hugging me (because she tends to kiss on the head, hug, and touch students which makes me UNCOMFORTABLE). I obviously didn't hug her back and I tried to stop crying but I couldn't. Also, I know I might sound weird, but I hate hugs after this situations mostly from people who hurt me. Anyway, she told me I would "get a better grade and all I had to do was just trust in myself and on HER" Haha...PUT MY TRUST IN HER? AFTER THAT EMBARRASSING SCENE?? AFTER HURTING ME?? AFTER HURTING OTHER STUDENTS PREVIOUSLY??? YEP, SURE, SHE WILL DEFINITELY SEE ME PUTTING ALL MY TRUST IN HER... I went home crying, told my mother the whole situation, and then I checked multiple time the electronic school register where she would've put the grade. Remember when she told me my grade was sufficient? 😂😂😂 Yeah...There was a 5.5 out of 10, which is equal to a C- / F I've been lied to :) And now I'm also blaming myself how I couldn't just escape from that situation, when I felt the crying come, instead of staying there like an idiot and wait till everybody left the classroom for THEN embarass myself like that..It corrodes my organs just thinking about it. Crying is normal, everybody in my classroom did cry once, but I don't know when it comes to me, I feel like a total idiot. I still feel that way, I feel like a failure, I feel like I can't hold in anything anymore : I can't control strong feelings, it bother me A LOT THIS THING. And it's not the first time...Lately I've been bursting out in tear because I'm really trying hard, seriously, I AM, and I'm spending days and days to then get nothing in return. I know there's time to fix grades, the school ends in June, but I had promised myself that this year I wouldn't get a bad grade. I had promised myself I would be motivated, which I'm basically not that much, yet I'm trying hard SO MUCH. I had promised myself I wouldn't cry like this anymore. I had promised myself I wouldn't suffer like this anymore.

My birthday was ruined by her..

General Support / by NickyYayUwU

February 3rd

Quick Survey 🌱- OPEN FOR EVERYBODY 🤍

General Support / by NickyYayUwU

January 26th

I'm afraid of myself

7 Cups Online Therapy / by NickyYayUwU

January 25th

...See more TW - violence Hi there, I'm Nicole if you need to respond me just know you can call me by my name. What you are going to read now is what has been going on for months in my mind, the weirdest thoughts I get that are hurting myself a lot. ... I always tried to get along with people, I tried to socialize more, but there's always something that is stopping me from talking to other people who are my age or aren't. I'm almost 17 and I don't have many friends, although I believe that we must look for happiness in ourselves and not in other people, but I would like to be at least able to talk to people without feeling this "locked door" inside me that keeps me away from talking to them. And it gets worst when bad stuff happen and you have to defend yourself. I just can't talk. You know when you're arguing with somebody, or somebody just comes up to you and asks you something and you have to excuse yourself with something? It doesn't come up easily to me: I can't talk to people (or excuse myself) without tripping over my words or making up a lie on the moment because you just wish they go away, because talking to people gives you anxiety. Though it's not always like this. But when it comes to anger and you have to let out the anger in front of people, and you wish you could tell them face to face what you really mean, you just can't... You can't and this fact corrodes you inside so much that you get homicidal or incredibly violent thoughts in which you imagine yourself beating to death that person to whom you had to respond. Sometimes it happens at home too. I'm an only child, I live with both my parents and a dog. My father is a cheater and hates my mother. My mother hates him for being a liar, a sinner and cheater. They have been arguing and actually fighting a lot, mostly in the last 3 years because of our recent problems. And I am always the doctor who takes care of my mother when she is short of air or starts feeling extremely badly after arguing very hard with him. I am always the lawyer who tries to defend her over him. I am always the crazy boxer who is punching him because I can't help it anymore. I don't have control on my anger anymore. When I don't want to I get horrible thoughts of me revenging of who hurt me emotionally. Like I see myself pushing them really badly, or doing something else crazy. One day I had to study for a test and I really really worked really hard on it and ended up with a very bad grade. I came home crying and I also asked my teacher if I could take the test again because it didn't go as planned because I couldn't study properly on one hand because of my family problems. She didn't listen to me. I was mad. I was thinking of planning a revenge. I thought I'd give fire to her red Fiat car. I thought I'd follow her until her house and give it fire while she sleeps. Same thing happened after I ended up with a friendship that lasted around 8 years. My old friend was a fake friend because she used to hang out with our group of friends which I was in it, and never called me to hang out with them. Never. It happened once. It happened twice. I had forgiven her too many times. Then I suddenly became extremely cold towards her until I stopped talking to her. Did I have thoughts about her too? Yes I did. As soon as the friendship ended, I thought that if she was getting any closer to me I'd punch her face until she started bleeding. Or I thought of actually getting a gun and start threaten her and anyone who bothered me. I thought of killing her during her sleep by giving fire to her house as well since we both live in the same town. Just a few kilometres away from were I live. People don't really know what could happen if I get extremely angry, and that's what I fear too because I don't want to explode (and I mean it because it happens at home and I really start yelling and it's almost a scream that comes out from my mouth and I become extremely violent, so violent that I'm afraid of losing control and actually hurt somebody or even accidentally kill them... This frightens me.) If I did what I would've liked to do to some people who hurt me or threatened me, I think I would've ended up in jail. I don't want that. But at the same time I want revenge. I don't want to be a killer though. But I still want revenge. This is what scares me. I scare myself. I'm afraid of myself. Because I don't know what I might do. I'm sorry I know this sounds like a dramatic thriller book. I hope you can help me somehow. Thanks for the attention. ♡

Bio

Recent forum posts

Considering Therapy?

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Don’t miss a message!

The 7 Cups app is available on iOS and Android

Bio

Recent forum posts

Considering Therapy?

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Personal Conversation Requests

General Conversation Requests

New Messages