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MsMusic
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2019 Member sinceFebruary 11, 2019
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Was this rape?
Trauma Support / by MsMusic
Last post
 February 26th, 2019
...See more I've been slipping downhill since my boyfriend, now ex, woke me up with sex hours after I asked him to respect that boundary of mine and not, because my brother woke me up by molesting me multiple times when i was younger. (my parents knew and did everything they could). Now I'm slipping down into a depression again, I'm trying not to, but my nightmares are back. I'm having panic attacks again. My ex won't stop trying to get me back, it's been 2 months, he's messaging everyone I care about repeatedly and I've asked him to stop repeatedly. I'm constantly reminded of everything else my brother did, like he tried to kill my family and I, and wanted to rape my mom and me after killing us. I don't know how to handle it anymore, becuase I've had nightmares for 6 years and ptsd for 11 years. I'm 19 years old and I've had depression since I was a kid because of all the fighting with my brother. I grew up the day he touched me. And now I can't stop being reminded about it because my ex decided to wake me up with sex. The one thing I asked him not to do. We were together 6 months, but we were so close we were talking about marriage and a life together. Then he destroyed my trust and I broke up with him 3 weeks later. I tried but I couldn't get over it. I still can't. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to call what he did rape because we were so close, but I feel like what he did was the definition of rape. I don't even know if I was raped or not.
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Ptsd nightmares
Trauma Support / by MsMusic
Last post
 February 28th, 2019
...See more I can't sleep at night because my nightmares are so bad. I've tried being more open about it, talking to people, I've tried shutting down any thoughts about them, nothing helps. When they first started, it was horrible. It started years after my trauma. I'd get them 4-5 times a night, for weeks at a time. Then they stopped for a few months and came back with no trigger, no warning, every night, months at a time. My boyfriend (now ex) triggered me in December and they haven't stopped. He woke me up to sex, the night after I asked him not to do that exact action while I slept because of my ptsd. It destroyed my trust in him. In the nightmares, I watch people I care about die. Every single night. Over and over. I have to fight the urge not to call my mom at 3am when I wake up after watching her and my family die, even though they're okay. It is so mentally exhausting, watching them die in a hundred different ways. I wake up crying more often than not. I have no idea how to handle it anymore. It's been going on for 3 years, I'm 19 now.
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