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MisssE
430 M Embraced 3
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts44 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceAugust 12, 2023
Bio

Raised an amazing child on my own (who is now successfully adulting), and in my late 30’s met an amazing man with a traumatic past. We navigated his journey to sobriety and recovery together, but over 10 years on still struggle with some behavioural issues/flare ups. I’m now on a journey of my own to ensure healthy boundaries are put in place to protect my emotional well-being during those flare ups, and trying to learn some new techniques to help me keep the lines of communication open during those times and remain connected enough to work through it all. All advice welcome!! Thanks in advance xoxo

Recent forum posts
Defensive Communication
Relationship Stress / by MisssE
Last post
 August 16th, 2023
...See more My partner has come from an extremely traumatic childhood, and we navigated his sobriety and recovery together when I met him in my late 30’s. He had to re-learn how to deal with complex emotions, and every now and then has these meltdowns that can create an extremely chaotic and volatile environment around him. I can’t try and help him through it at the time as his emotions are so heightened - he can’t see past the triggers that set him off. Where I acknowledge his pain/hurt/frustration and try to move him on to focusing on the way he deals with those emotions, he’ll keep bringing it back to the initial source, “What, am I not allowed to be in pain?” (Eg. After hurting his hand while cooking). So I’ve recognised he needs time and space to be able to move past the trigger, but after he’s settled he moves in to pretending nothing happened at all! In the meantime I have had to leave the space to ensure a level of calm in my own safe-space, and I automatically build an internal wall to protect my emotional well-being and feel a level of disconnection as a wife/life partner/support person when I do this. When I return to him pretending nothing happened I end up feeling stuck behind that wall and need to work extra hard to re-connect with him. Sometimes I find it hard to even WANT to open up a conversation about it. I expect the default setting from him of “What, I hurt myself”…..nothing more. We’ve just had a meltdown moment the other day - and today I am going to try and open communication with him, this time focusing on how it all makes ME feel rather than his inability to regulate his own emotions. Wish me luck!! All advice welcome!!!!
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