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MewThirdWheel
120 M Embraced 1
PathStep 23 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2016 Member sinceNovember 5, 2016
Recent forum posts
Making and Maintaining Friends
Anxiety Support / by MewThirdWheel
Last post
 March 27th, 2018
...See more I recently made a new friend. Her name is Kennedy. She became my friend a little after school started, so we've been friends for about 3 months but I have such a hard time trusting people (as I'm sure many do) so it takes me a long time for me to be able to fully trust someone. I'm quite paranoid about people, actually. Kennedy asked me to be her girlfriend after the first month of being friends, so as a result the process of trusting her has slowed quite considerably. She continues to ask me to go places with her, as a friend though, but it just makes me uncomfortable because I am very anxious about actually going out and being a functioning member of society. She doesn't understand this. I am so incapable of communicating my feelings to other people that I very likely will lie to her in order to get out of going to this event with her. I just don't trust her, but she trusts me and it's giving me so much anxiety... And then there's the crippling depression that I feel every day when I have a moment to think. I just want to lay in bed all day and watch Netflix and stay at home, but She just keeps asking me to go places with her. Is this what having a real friend is like??? I don't know how I can possibly trust someone within three months when I've spent my entire life with my family and I barely trust them! I'm sorry if my thoughts aren't cohesive or concise in any way, shape, or form, but again, I'm not very good at communicating my feelings...
Drifting.
Depression Support / by MewThirdWheel
Last post
 March 24th, 2017
...See more I feel like I'm stuck in a never ending cycle of happiness, content, and depression. Something good will happen and I'll feel great. I'll feel excited, giggly, I'll do out of character things like help someone out or give someone a gift for no real reason other than just wanting to. Then I'll start to feel content with life. I'll Smile when I want to, laugh when others laugh, I'll do what I want to and I won't care. Then I'll start to get these nagging thoughts.. "maybe I should care?" "What if they're just pretending?" "What if I die tomorrow?" and these thoughts start ivading and taking over and I draw and I write, but my thoughts never seem to fit into one word or one page or one drawing, and everything I do leaves me unsatisfied with the way life is. I forget what happiness is. I feel like nobody cares, and that is proven by the hundreds of people I walk by at school. How, how in the world do these people not see these leeches latching onto me sucking the energy out of my smiles and my movements and my personality? How can they talk to me every day and not notice? So I'm just drifting through this stage of depression with no idea of when or if it will end, and my girlfriend is worried because she thinks maybe she's making me unhappy or that maybe I don't love her. it's not true. I can't focus. I get easily irritated. I want to sleep. I want to cry. I want affection. If I had all of these things, would I be so depressed? Until it repeats.
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