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Mesha1230
2 747 M Little Steps
PathStep 17 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceMarch 26, 2020
Bio

Hi Im mesha i’m a closeted gay teen who lives in a strict muslim country and I suffer from anxiety & depression

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Nagging feeling in the heart
Depression Support / by Mesha1230
Last post
 8 hours ago
...See more Hello, Im M, i’m a 19 year old closeted homesexual who lives in a strict middle eastern country It started 10 days ago. I hanged with someone I know from uni in a VC app to study for a final. And suddenly after I finished the call I started feeling depressive (A nagging feeling in my heart, im hungry but don't eat, I feel like crying and I do usually before sleeping, I stopped eating even though I feel hungry it’s like im to depressed to eat, I have 0 passion to stuff I liked before like video games) and the nagging thing in my heart is 24/7 since I finished that call. It was in the finals season so I thought it was the finals causing this but I finished 3 days ago and im still feeling like this. So I went to the original source which was the call. It all started after finishing the call. So I thought maybe im catching feeling for this guy? Even though I know it’s impossible cause it’s a homophobic country and I can’t do anything (Im also a Practicing muslim, I don’t act on my gay feeling with people I just watch porn which doesn’t even satisfy me anymore) I meet this friend like 4 times a day since August 2024 and I knew him before then too. So im still so confused on if it’s actually me having feelings or not. Why did all this start after ending the call. My brain says no you literally see him as a friend but it’s like im forcing it to be the reason for these feelings. I have no clue if it is the reason or not. If I like him or not. Maybe it’s just because I know I will never find a relationship? I was fine with that for years. Why does it bother me now? Im sorry to just burst out and say too many things at the same time. I’ve had undiagnosed Anxiety, Social Anxiety $ Imposter syndrome. I don’t wanna be depressed also. What do you guys recommend? I want to go to therapy but I can’t let them help me without them knowing everything (Including me being gay) If I don’t tell them, they wont have all info and will probably be unable to help me….
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