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ManicMonsoon
337 M Embraced 3
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts17 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceAugust 19, 2015
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So much in one lifetime, (as though I've written a book)
Depression Support / by ManicMonsoon
Last post
 August 20th, 2015
...See more Hello, All. This is my first time on 7 cups of tea. I am currently dealing with more things on my plate that I can handle with. I'm unsure exactly where to start, but I can tell this website will be of great help during my healing process. I have been hurting all the way back since when I was 7. My mother was diagnosed with a rare disease where her white blood cells think her nerves are a disease in her own body. Being told your mother would die within 2 years at a very young age can cause some serious issues within your life, lol. However, I am currently 23 and she is still alive,... but barely. She is experiencing extreme dementia and it's causing harm on the family because of the emotional turmoil. When I was 15, I experienced this terrible situation. My sister is bi-polar and was addicted to meth. She mentally and physically abused her three children, in which my mother (And hers) finally received custody of the children while she went to jail. One set of twin girls and an older boy were dropped into my life during my critical teen years, but it was for the best. However, one of the twins has passed away from Rassmussen's syndrome because of my sister doing drugs while she had them in the womb and the older boy is living with my brother. Currently, with this situation, we are raising my now fourteen year old niece who has experienced a very difficult life at her very young age. She's doing well, except for her teenage years being more extreme than the "normal" because of our living situation. My father is retired and old, and my mother is disabled. My fiance just moved in with us to assist in house cleaning and care, she is a teacher. I work long days, and come home to my fiance struggling with a family that was never "hers" to begin with. She is very kind to assist and help out, but its hard seeing her hurt everyday I walk in through the door. I am the only one working currently, and my niece is going to early college. My mother having dementia is taking a very hard toll on this family, she is not my mother. I feel as if I'm grieving her death, even though she is still alive. She screams and shouts, verbally abuses me and my niece and then forgets she even did it with her disease. I feel overwhelmed. I feel hopeless. I know not to turn to suicide because let's face it-- Dying is expensive. On top of that, I cannot leave my fiance` or my niece to care for my disabled parents. On the bright side I have just graduated college with a Bachelor's degree. On the flipside, I have no health insurance now and my resources at my college for mental health is nowhere to be seen. I am,... in a very hard place where my whole family needs help. I'm not sure where to turn, or what specific resources I can use or utilize. There are so many promising ones on the internet, but I cannot find anyone one-on-one in-person resources that are free through NGO's/non-profits. Any help or support provided would be greatly appreciated. I don't know how to live on with this life anymore, I just feel like I'm running myself into the ground.
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