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Lioness92
1 370 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts14 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2017 Member sinceOctober 1, 2015
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I really thought I was over my PTSD
Trauma Support / by Lioness92
Last post
 May 15th, 2017
...See more I have a fear of guys. There, I said it. It stems from years of abuse and rape. I have social anxiety as well with all genders but I only freeze up and panic around men. Today I had two interviews for jobs I really need. The one with the woman was fine; I was awkward and shy but that's normal for me. She offered me the job on the spot. The one with the two guys was horrible. My mind was cloudy, I felt like I couldn't breath, it got hot and it actually felt like I was trembling. I don't know if I was or not but it sure felt like it. My throat tightened and I really hope that the veins in there were not bulging like it like they were. It was embarressing, I thought I had this under control. I know not all guys are out to get me and I know I was safe. During a mania phase I went to a secluded area with a guy I didn't know and even made out with him. Here I am, meeting two guys in a safe spot for a job interview and I feel like this. It doesn't make sense and even moreso just embarressing. I walked out of the interview and my mom looked at me and told me my skin was all splotchy which just sucks even more. I probably wont get that job and all because my illogical mind refuses to see I'm safe. Just really annoying that I'm no longer in control of my own life.
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