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LilyOfTheValley1936
172 M Embraced 1
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceJuly 27, 2022
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Spouse no longer drinking, how to move forward when so much has changed
Addiction Support / by LilyOfTheValley1936
Last post
 August 27th, 2022
...See more I’ve been with my husband for 23 years. He developed a drinking problem that got worse after he almost died from covid. It got to the point that I had to leave our home, with our kids, because he was verbally and emotionally abusive while drunk, and because I couldn’t just sit there and watch him kill himself. If he drinks, he WILL die. I don’t mean that in a dramatic way. Covid destroyed his body. If he continues to drink, it’s not a matter of if, or eventually, it’s an any day level of terror. My leaving was a wake up call. He is now getting help. I am not back in our home yet. He does not understand the impact of all that happened when he was actively drinking. I do understand that a great deal of the things he did and said were because of the drinking, the addiction, but they still happened. They still hurt. I don’t know how much to tell him. He doesn’t remember so much of it, and I don’t want him feeling even worse, yet he needs to understand why I am making the decisions I am making and why I need time to rebuild trust. He lashes out at me, doesn’t believe me when I say I do intend to return home, and I get why. He genuinely doesn’t remember all of it. He also has memory issues from covid, and it’s like constantly walking a tightrope trying to do what’s best for him and his recovery, while keeping my own sanity and sticking to my boundaries. The load on me has been too much. He was drinking before he got sick, but after he got sick, and nearly died, having him get blackout drunk and turn into this person I don’t know, while I make sure he sees his seven specialists and take care of our kids and home and manage the financial fallout from everything… And we are both different people now. I don’t think anyone could go through all we have and not be changed by it. I understand things will take time. I just don’t know right now how to get to a point where I don’t feel the need to walk on eggshells as far as his recovery and his health. I miss my partner. I miss having his support through things. I used to go to him first about everything, and now, with this, I feel like I can’t. I don’t want to have to say that he would scream at me for hours straight while he was drunk. That’s not who he is sober. I don’t want to have to say I left because of his actions. Addiction is a beast, and he truly is trying. I just can’t snap my fingers and go back to normal when normal doesn’t and can’t exist anymore. We have to find a new normal, and I’m lost. And so burned out. And a few months of him getting help just isn’t enough for me to be able to relax. I also have been having health issues, and the stress of that isn’t helping anything. I’m trying to get him well, get myself well, be a mom, be a good friend, and I feel like I’m failing at every last bit of it. It’s lonely. It’s heavy. And I’m exhausted.
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