Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Leos7
1 496 M Embraced 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts25 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2022 Member sinceAugust 20, 2022
Recent forum posts
Divorced but can’t seem to let go of false hope
Relationship Stress / by Leos7
Last post
 December 8th, 2022
...See more My Ex wife and I got separated almost a year ago and got divorced back in July. The divorce ended really badly and she constantly refused to give me any kind of closure because I didn’t deserve it. Her story then turned into that one day things would be better enough between us to have a sit down conversation and lay everything out, but I don’t believe her because all of her actions have shown me that it may not happen. I have been holding out for that conversation and it’s been hindering my moving on, but I’m not sure how to feel like I don’t need that closure. I have tried time and time again to ask her but it’s either been that I haven’t been respecting her boundaries or that she’s still waiting for things to calm down. She doesn’t seem to care about giving me any kind of closure though, she didn’t have much remorse during the whole divorce process. It’s hard because I’m still very much in love with her. I was recently told by a mutual friend that she had told them at the end of the relationship, she had thought about dying early on so one of us could be happy. Hearing that really messed with my head because I had no idea she felt that way in the slightest as she never communicated to me how she was thinking about divorce or how she was feeling. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but she had always validated her happiness by telling me she was happy and that I was her person, etc. Ever since I have just been super messed up inside. The first thought that came to my mind was “I guess I’ll have to be the one to die for one of us to be happy” and I know that’s not healthy at all. I hold out for us getting back together when I know it’s impossible and I’m not sure how to break that cycle. I have been pushing and trying for months and months but I still feel very messed up from it all…
Trying
Relationship Stress / by Leos7
Last post
 September 11th, 2022
...See more I need some advice or help or even just some wisdom. My ex wife and I have been split up since February. The divorce ended badly, I was refused any kind of closure, everything was done over text, and we haven’t see each other since February. I have been in therapy since things ended and I have really been trying to move on and move forward with my life but I always feel pulled back. I know I can’t rush the healing process, as much as I’d like to, but I’m worried I’ll never be emotionally available to anyone ever again. I have this fear that, no matter how much you think you know someone, they can change on you in an instant and not be who you thought they were.. The divorce came out of no where and was a shock to me.. I try to not live in the past and I’m trying to focus on what I have going on for myself now, but sometimes I can’t help what goes through my mind and the life we shared together…I miss it because I was comfortable. I look back and I’ve challenged myself to see the bad that we had and the bad qualities she possessed to try and make things easier on myself, but the good moments still come to me and break my heart all over again. The grief seems unbearable sometimes and it’s hard to keep mourning losing her. She wasn’t perfect, I put her on a pedestal, and I overly gave a lot of myself to her to keep her happy, I spoiled her even if my own needs weren’t met or I wasn’t put first. I see all of those times, and yet, I’m still hurt and missing her. I still miss taking care of her and being that person for her.. It’s hard because I can’t tell her how I really feel. She hates me and has completely blocked me out of her life and that makes this whole process even harder too because we went through so much together. I keep telling myself that I just have to keep living day to day and moving through it until enough time passes that I’ll feel better because I know time heals, but each day just seems the same and is hard to get through. I feel like I’m just surviving instead of living through each day until it eventually gets better, but I’m afraid that day will never come and I don’t know how to fully heal from this. How do I stop the rose-colored moments from coming through? How do I keep pushing myself forward? I’m scared that I’ll be able to keep moving forward each day but that I’ll never fully be able to move on..
Recently Divorced and Having Anxiety about Moving On
Relationship Stress / by Leos7
Last post
 August 31st, 2022
...See more I was in my first serious, long term relationship of 3 1/2 years. We got married last November and then 4 months later she wanted a divorce because I wasn’t able to let go of things from her past and said I never changed after she asked me to for the last couple of years. At the beginning of our relationship, she was still talking to her exes as friends, even though she was told by other people that her exes still had feelings for her. It bothered me at the time and I let her know about it and she still continued to talk to them. I let it go because I trusted her, but it always say in the back of my mind. When we would go out to bars with her friends, we’d always run into guys she did stuff with in the past and I would kind of be brushed to the side and never introduced as anything. She was very popular in high school and was known for being promiscuous and flirtatious with guys. I was the first girl she was ever with and she claimed that she had always told herself that she was really gay when she was in high school. During our relationship I would point out when she was being flirtatious with other guys and she eventually saw it herself and changed that, but at that point I had become insecure in myself with so much I had let go at the start of our relationship. Images of her past weighed on me and thinking of her with her exes would haunt my thoughts and led to a lot of fights that I caused. I tried talking to others about my problem because it didn’t feel normal, but was never successful in changing in the ways I should have. Ultimately, this was the reason for the divorce and I only blame myself. It’s been over 6 months now since we separated and I carry the guilt with me around and don’t feel worthy enough to be with anyone ever again with the fear that the same thing may happen no matter how much I work to actively change. It was also damaging to me that, a week before she ended things, she literally told me she was never going to leave me. Within 24 hours of her saying she wanted a divorce, I was kicked out of the house and had to find a place to stay. And within a week of her saying she wanted a divorce, she didn’t want to see or speak to me ever again, and we haven’t since. She refused to give me any kind of closure because it would’ve been a conversation that was going to benefit me and make me feel better and I just feel very unresolved. I have a fear of even trying to move on because I thought I knew who I was with and she completely changed in such a short amount of time, so it makes it scary that anyone I’m with again could just switch up on me like that. I don’t know how to maneuver through these feelings
Search more from @Leos7
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
11 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Chief Chat Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion Bundled Forum Friend
Report an issue