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KelliV68
1 558 M Embraced 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts48 Forum posts35 Forum upvotes35 Current upvotes35 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2021 Member sinceMarch 17, 2021
Bio
Its so nice to have a place where i can visit! 7 cups is awesome!
Recent forum posts
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This can’t be my life
50 & Over Community / by KelliV68
Last post
 July 5th, 2021
...See more Without going into great detail, i have struggled financially my whole life due to my dyslexia causing issues for me in the workforce. The jobs ive worked equal the years ive been on this planet. Sleeping in my van with my dog watching people around me have the time & money to go play! Ive never had enough money to go play. Its shocking to me that this is my life. But it cant be why im here on this planet. To struggle like this. Whats the lesson? I dont want pity from those who see me with judgement first. Or frustration from those who yell at me to go get a job. I dont sit on the street corner holding a sign. I want to sew and enjoy what i do. I dont do piece work because im too slow. Ive never had the desire for sports or a high stress job. Whats the lesson for me while im here? Im clueless! Being homeless & strapped for cash every second of my life isnt it! Where’s my break? 🙁
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Family dysfunction
50 & Over Community / by KelliV68
Last post
 April 26th, 2021
...See more My family split with the divorce when i was 5. My sister & brother (older then me) went with my dad and i was left with my narcissist mother. After that i felt like i was an only child. My brother has resented me for most of my life for bs in his own head about me. Anyway, my dad’s side of the family is extremely dysfunctional with lots of bulling & passive aggression. Fighting is our favorite sport! I have uncles & cousins i haven’t seen is years. Anyway, i just found out that one of my cousins is in town visiting my brother and will be at my sister’s house (10 miles away) tomorrow. She has to ask to see if i can join them for dinner tomorrow! Dont that beat all! Forget being asked for dinner with my brother tonight. He wont share any of our family with me. Wasn’t even invited to his daughters hs graduations nor was i told 2 of my uncles where in town for them. The bs is insane and broken hearted again!
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I need to forgive them
50 & Over Community / by KelliV68
Last post
 April 15th, 2021
...See more My friend (of 40 years) has been gone a year today (single car accident) and I’ve come to terms with it. Sadly, i need to forgive his friends of 25 years for excluding me on all his celebrations of life they’ve shared amongst themselves. It wasn’t an issue of distance, it was an issue of my being around period. They set up celebrations in places where i couldn’t join. Im hurt that they worked so hard to exclude me without a second thought! I wasn’t planning on dropping all contact with his widow, but i think its what i need to do for me. I was finally able to journal my feels last night and will do some more today.
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Its long, feeling alone & grieving
50 & Over Community / by KelliV68
Last post
 April 14th, 2021
...See more Im coming up on a 1 year anniversary of an old friend dying in a car accident. Some may not understand, but its been difficult sharing/showing my pain. There are words or titles for being numb, but i think it has more to do with the fact as a child i wasnt allowed to show emotion. They didnt want to see it. When i did show tears, they called me a crybaby! When i showed laugher or happiness, they told me i wasnt allowed to be happy. My mother was a narcissist, my dad is passive aggressive and my siblings are both. In spite of them, i laugh out loud at silly stuff i see. But its difficult for me to show my tears, even in private. Ive been to his crash site 3 times and I’m just quite inside. The guardrail has been replaced and marker where they located him after he was ejected from the truck is still in place. I want to leave something fun for him, maybe a gnome, but... His widow and myself are the only ones who know the spot and she’s only been there once. I made she saw it, she needed to see it. Even she didn’t want to see my sadness. She had him for 25 years, but i knew him for 40 years. Feeling alone & i miss him. We were friends, even in his darkest days.
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What to do!
Anxiety Support / by KelliV68
Last post
 May 19th, 2021
...See more Been craving sugary foods for about a week now and realized this evening that im fending off my anxiety over my current situation. Im sleeping in my van just so i could move to where i can find pt work to help me pay my bills. I try not to panic when i think about getting something started, but after 32 years of failed jobs, i question this idea too! In 32 years, ive had 52 jobs. My learning disability has made my life h***! Need to back off the sugar and just try to move forward. Sorry about spelling or word usage errors, no time to check this. My dog is barking at me for a walk!
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Moving out
50 & Over Community / by KelliV68
Last post
 March 19th, 2021
...See more Well, there are many branches in this situation, but i will keep it short. A childhood friend moved me into his house almost 2 years ago to get me & my dog out of my car. He has since died (car accident), then covid hit and his wife has allowed me to stay since then. She hasn’t asked me for a dime and ive helped out everyday ive been in the house. But, she works alot, the house is in the country and there is no work for me in the county. Stimulus is allowing me to move out and get someplace where i have a chance at some pt income. It puts my dog & I back in the car camping mode again. It gets me closer to my sister and my storage unit. Im doing everything i can to be polite, but im lonely and feeling like a ghost. My question is this: should i pull out next week or after she gets back from another road trip in 30 days? Thanks
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