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Karmakaze35
8,305 M Moving Along 9
PathStep 45 Compassion hearts462 Forum posts14 Forum upvotes30 Current upvotes30 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceNovember 9, 2019
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My head is killing me.... (Relationships)
Journals & Diaries / by Karmakaze35
Last post
 March 28th, 2020
...See more So, let's just get the quick stuff down here. I met a girl during a speed dating event. I got her number, and I thought I'd see her in person... Wrong. We talk daily, not long. She'll text me good morning, and send me the occasional selfie. However, I'll send her a text, and wait all day to hear from her. She told me she's busy and has work, and such. It's getting to me, BADLY. She's shown interest, and knows I like her, but at the same time, it's driving me insane. My anxiety has been RAGING, and I can't stand it. Is she playing hard to get? (She told me she's been hurt very badly in her past, so I would understand here) I've wanted her since I first caught her laugh as her emotional support dog pulled her into the room for the event. She's physically beautiful, but I truly feel like there is something inside that is making me want to leave work right now, drive to her, and just tell her, and hug her... DAMMIT!
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Putting it All on the Line
Journals & Diaries / by Karmakaze35
Last post
 March 28th, 2020
...See more I was taught that if you really care about someone special, tell them good morning and good night each day. Its been 3 weeks since I saw her fly into the speed dating room, laughing as she was pulled in by her ESA. I remember that laugh, so well. It resonates in my mind better than any earworm I've had before. I also picture her smile from her Joker cosplay. Her eyes squinting a little, sparking in the light... excuse me, I had a moment of total swoonage. This morning, the good morning text was Good morning! I hope your day is as beautiful as you are! (Now, obvious male stereotypes aside, yes, shes absolutely beautiful on the outside, but theres something internally that really stands out that I want to be near all the time) her reply was one that set my smile wider than the Cheshire Cats: Awe youre such a sweet talker, I hope yours is too! My day has been made right there. While at work, she sends me a text, and we even carry a little conversation, and I ask if shes always busy on weekends (if you havent figured out where this is going... Im so sorry), and she said she doesnt work most weekends. I felt this was the right opportunity. If youre not doing anything next weekend, would you wanna get together for some dinner? Maybe Chinese? Most torturous wait, EVER. But, shes worth it (doesnt help shes feeling sick)
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Day 1... This sucks already
Journals & Diaries / by Karmakaze35
Last post
 November 21st, 2019
...See more So, if you read my post before, I was doing ok with giving a girl space. However, as the day dragged on, my mind started faltering. God, I want to text this girl so badly and see if things are ok. I just want to rewind to yesterday, and stop myself from asking her why she blocked me (she didn't, Sprint is a massive d-bag). I want to know that it's going to be ok with her, but I still want to respect her boundaries. Part of me is being optimistic and not worrying. But as the day wears on and my brain keeps running, the negatives start kicking in and my old mind is trying to make it worse and worse ("You messed up, she's never gonna talk to you again. You're hopeless... blah blah blah"). No matter how much mindfulness meditation I do, I know that my heart is breaking into a million pieces, and will continue until there's finality from this situation. I REALLY like this girl. I know guys say that about a girl they meet, but for some reason, this girl is special. Yeah, she's beautiful on the outside, but on the inside... There's such a lot more. She cosplayed as Persephone from Lore Olympus, so I decided I'll watch the YouTube dubs. I get why she cosplayed as her. She's the same girl: trying to find herself, and falling for Hades. Holy dog crap, I want to be her Hades. SO. DAMN. BADLY. This is probably the hardest test I've ever taken in my entire life. I just want to pass it, take her out to dinner, hug her, and tell her how sorry I am for having horrible anxiety and doubt.
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