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JustABrush
1 348 M Embraced 3
Awake. Just awake.
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts39 Forum posts16 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupTeen Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceDecember 18, 2023
Bio

A few things about me: I love drawing and kind of vent here just to relax. I love art as a whole, and I'm sixteen. I'm trying to deal with childhood trauma and becoming someone who isn't afraid to speak, along with my relationship issues with family.






Recent forum posts
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Tears seal lips like glue
Poetry / by JustABrush
Last post
 September 14th
...See more Thud thud thud Pound after pound Steps move quick Too scared to wait. Red and Black Mean so much Gold glinting Looking down with a grin. Always told to behave Told to be quiet Told not to talk About the pretty little colors. Told not to talk about the snow About the wind About the knock that never came And all the ones that did. Not to talk about the van About the tears About the sobs Or about the bags. Not to talk Not to cry Not to think Not to fail. All the things A little girl Must not do.
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Pretty Colors
Poetry / by JustABrush
Last post
 September 14th
...See more Such pretty colors Swaying so high Curling and flickering Hue's of red and blue Reflected in your eyes Back into mine. Drip goes plastic Melting with ease Giving away without a sound Small little kitties Melted away Gifts given Taken away.  Such pretty colors While so pretty Bring such pain. Marks never fade Answers never clear Flames lap at the skin Grooves never dispel. Angry little boy Loves pretty colors Sad little girl Only knew their pain.
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Sad Little Brush
Poetry / by JustABrush
Last post
 September 14th
...See more Sad little brush All withered Left out to dry Feeling oh so high Leaving pretty little marks Like stars in the sky Or waves in the sea Sad little brush Left out to dry Too used Too hurt Too broken to try Sad little brush Can't paint anymore All withered away Because joy never stays.
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Am I dramatic? Or traumatized?
Trauma Support / by JustABrush
Last post
 September 6th
...See more When I was a little kid, like five and below really, I only remember a few things. I also remember that I was in foster care for awhile. Not sure how long, nobody will tell me- but possibly a year. It wasn't with a stranger, but with my mom's great step-aunt instead. Note, the woman, who I'll refer to as 'Lauren'(not her real name), is now deemed at least somewhat insane and unstable at least. I lived with her, all of her other foster kids, and her husband, my actual great uncle. I don't remember him at all, only her really.  In their house, I can only describe it as the worst period of my life honestly. I only remember two other kids there, a boy and a girl. The girl was sweet to me at least, I only ever remember her smiling at me. But the boy can only be described as a hellspawn honestly.  I was held down as he put my toys, little plastic hello kitty toys in the oven, which my mother had given me- and had to watch them melt. I had my hand pressed down on a hot burner to learn 'not to touch it', his way of helping me, apparently.  I don't remember much else from him, other than his constant smile and laugh honestly. Just rubs me the wrong way when I try to think about it.  Not sure how to process all this, considering nobody will talk to me about it, and it's not really the first case of someone in my family lashing out physically. My aunt, while only 14 when I was a kid, had been abusive- to the point of force feeding me a cup of ants, (one of those red party ones), and chasing me in my grandmothers house to hit me. Of course, everybody defends her, since she was 'just a kid', and blamed me for my young mother's spiral into depression and drug use.(My mother had been seventeen when I was born as a reference, my father in his twenties. Apparently they were both drunk, but that's not what this story is about.) I'm just conflicted on how to feel, if it's something I should just drop because I'm being dramatic or what. It was in the past and I live with my dad now, and I just don't know if I should keep shoving all this down or actually discuss it like this.
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Terrified of anything and all things- And it's ruining my relationship.
Relationship Stress / by JustABrush
Last post
 March 14th
...See more I recently got with this girl, K, and she's honestly amazing. She's beautiful, kind, and the only person I've ever felt so fine with just touching me, even just holding hands.(Note, I hate being touched, and have always been one to pull away or freak out when someone nudges me.)  But I feel like she's way too out of my league. I'm short, skinny, glasses- And I'm just not an all around picture perfect partner, I've accepted this. I just know I'm not a very good partner for her- She treats me honestly so well but we barely have time to hang out with each other. Our families are pretty different, I'm always stuck doing something else- And I just don't know what to do here. I don't have time for a relationship, but I just am utterly in love with her. I've never been so stressed out about something like this before, any suggestions on how I could be better for my girlfriend and figure this out? I just feel like a crummy girlfriend.
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