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Disclaimer: This is my own opinion and views. They may not reflect that of the medical profession or 7 cups of tea as a site. I understand these experiences of mental illness will vary per person and this is simply my own opinion and experiences.
Hello everyone. Im Jack. This is simply going to be me writing about my experiences of mental illness, specifically Depression as a lot of people struggle to understand this illness and hopefully by reading this, you will gain some form of new understanding to help you support those suffering with this illness; so without any further interruptions lets get started.
I am currently 18 years old, and have had this illness for a very long period of time, that grew gradually worse as I grew older for various reasons that I wont go into; however in total Ive had this illness for about 10 or 11 years and it has been a big learning streak for me, trying to understand them, myself and how it actually feels.
Im going to talk about depression, its a very serious and sadly, all too often misunderstood, illness which I believe to be one of the most lethal illnesses in the world, in terms of what it can do to a person. Explaining depression can be a very hard thing to do, especially in a way that people can understand however Im going to attempt to:
I want you to imagine you have lost the ability to feel anything pleasurable, anything at all. Food will have lost its taste, a warm bed will have lost its comfort, conversation will have lost its meaning and you wont feel a connection to other people. Imagine youre in a severe fog, you cant even see two steps in front of you, you dont know where you are and youre feeling really lost. You stop seeing beauty in things, colors become dull and gray and you keep tripping over absolutely nothing at all. Youre also going to be feeling physically sick, extremely tired for no reason, a bit numb inside and extremely hollow or empty especially inside your chest. Now youve also lost the ability to sleep, and even if you do you wont stay asleep; so youre just absolutely miserable.
Thats the sort of symptoms and feelings it can cause, especially for myself. Now most people would say, Well that sounds bad, but I could probably get through it. Absolutely right, most people can take a severe amount of pain - provided they know it will stop. Such as, if you ever had the flu, it felt horrible but you hung on in there because you knew it would stop. Now imagine everything I said, has gone on for 2-3 weeks, how would you feel? Probably like, Well, 2-3 weeks is hard but I mean, a lifetime is a lifetime, right?. Again I agree, rough but itll pass. Now imagine it has been 2-3 months of this unrelenting set of feelings inside of yourself, no break from it at all. How would you feel?
Now imagine it has gone on for 2-3 years, with no sign of it improving at all, still unrelenting and vicious. How would you feel about recovering?
How it actually feels, especially in my case, is that it becomes hopeless. It hurts to be awake, it physically hurts to breathe, move, even just to exist so you end up saying I dont know how much longer I can handle this, I need the pain to stop. Everything is just uncomfortable and you feel like youre burning inside and nothing makes sense to you and you just cant concentrate as well as a constant feeling of being alone, because nobody, that youre aware of, understands you.
This is a really hard concept to try and explain because, without going through it, its very hard to understand this illness. Even to those who have gone through it, it can be very hard to understand how and why they feel this way. The reason its such a hard illness besides all of that, is that you lose the desire, or rather, capability to recover. The only way I can think to explain it, is that your perception collapses and you become incapable of ever seeing the situation improving, for example; If you have ever been in a car in busy traffic and someone speeds past you and undercuts you and almost causes a collision, for that small moment, your perception collapses and all you focus on is that one car speeding off, and maybe all you think about is what almost happened - however eventually your perception would return to normal, you probably would have even forgotten about it. However with depression, the perception stays collapsed, in that cold and dark place, you physically cant see an end in sight.
Commonly with this illness, depressed people end up saying, I wish I wasnt alive. Because of these kind of remarks, people struggle to know how to properly support those suffering with depression; however, when a depressed person says they dont want to be alive - they arent saying they want to die, theyre simply saying, I wish I was away somewhere, that this pain would stop, where I dont have to exist for a while. There is a very large difference between those two. Dont be discouraged if a depressed person says something like that, its their way of saying I need help.
So how can you help someone in such an unrelenting, desperate situation that they see literally no end too? Well this is the tough part because you have to be willing to accept that theyre going to get angry and deny you helping, because they dont want to burden you - they push you away so they dont get hurt any further. However, ultimately they just need to know its okay, that someone understands, that there is still hope.
I cant speak on behalf of every depressed person ever, however I can say that personally there are a lot of things that I wish people had told me, or things that I have found that I wish people had quoted to me, such as:
To quote Matt Haig, You are on another planet. No-one understands what you are going through. But actually, they do. You dont think they do because the only reference point is yourself. You have never felt this way before, and the shock of the descent is traumatising you, but others have been here. You are in a dark, dark land with a population of millions.
To quote Myself: Its going to be alright in the end, if its not then its not the end. I know that its really hard for you right now, but things can and they will improve, we need the lows to appreciate the high points of life. I know that its so painful and the end is so out of sight and I know i cant take it away that easily, but I care enough to walk with you through this.
Obviously, this is going to change per person, this is simply what I would have wanted to hear in the pit of my depression. You can say anything you want too, you should try and slip past their defences but do NOT grant innocence, they want to be understood - not excused.
Furthermore, you can suggest professional help but if youre talking to someone about depression, do not try to push them away with professional help. A lot of depressed people feel their circumstances arent bad enough to allow professional help and doing this pushes them away and they lose their connection of feeling human again. Talk to them. Listen to them. Try to understand what theyre going through. Theres is little more powerful to a depressed person, than someone who cares and understands.
If anyone reading this is suffering from depression, hold on. Keep fighting. Listen to that small flicker of hope that says Try one more day, because its going to be okay. I dont know when and I certainly dont know how - but I do know itll be okay eventually. Go ahead and talk about it, even if you just want to vent to me, ill be there for you.
Hopefully this has explained a bit about how depression feels and how to support them a bit better? I really hope it has given some insight, no matter how small, to how those depressed people may be feeling, I really hope you all learn from this and continue to support them.
Now for more personal discussion, Is Depression Life Ruining or Life Changing?
Thats a question I have struggled with for a very long time in my life, because the illness has caused so much pain and suffering for me, however I also know it has caused good in my life too (no matter how strange that feels to say).
Depression, as I have previously discussed has clearly caused a lot of issues, pain, suffering and anguish for me which is why for a long time i adopted the opinion that depression was a life ruining illness which had ruined me inside and taken away any possibility of a future.
However, I have since learned that depression is more Life Changing than Life Ruining. Depression, taught me a lot about the value of life, emotions and how I live my life. It has certainly caused me to be much more caring about mental health, more supportive and indeed a better listener as a result of it.
For those out there reading this thinking, Why does this have to happen to me? It has taken away everything… Try and focus on what you have gained from it, I know its horrible and I wouldnt wish it on anyone, but it can certainly lead to us becoming better and wiser people. Take your experiences, show them to the world and help change someones life, in the same way I hope reading this is going to impact someone else. Its a daily struggle but one I wholeheartedly believe you can, and you will, win - stay strong.
For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction. -Remember, its a form of growth.
I hope this has been helpful in some way, I appreciate you all and I hope this has helped you in someway, either via giving you hope or understanding. I look forward to seeing all your replies.
-Jack.
(Updated to reflect name and age).
