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IvoryStrings2111
737 M Little Steps
PathStep 17 Compassion hearts49 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2018 Member sinceAugust 9, 2018
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Overwhelmed & scared
Anxiety Support / by IvoryStrings2111
Last post
 August 29th, 2018
...See more My story's such a long one, it tires me out to even think about explaining. So here's just today -- I'm in the fourth week of a new antidepressant, and it's not working for either my depression or my anxiety, and I've been through this up-and-down misery before, a lot. It's just really overwhelming and exhausting. I know it will pass, and eventually my doctor will find one that works well, but I'm so tired of bad months instead of bad days. I need to be better now, I have so much to do and so many who rely on me. The scared part comes in with some relationship issues - my husband is usually at least somewhat supportive of my mental health problems, but today, I was struggling pretty badly and he lost his cool and yelled at me about how I am drowning us both because I can't put my anxiety and depression aside and just get work done, the way he does. (He's talking about our financial situation, which is suffering from me being terrible at working productively and earning money.) He said he's already given me years to get better and I haven't, so now he has to seriously consider leaving me so he has a shot at finding a stable, energetic, productive partner who will help him with his goals instead of needing to be taken care of constantly. That's really frightening to me after ten years together, and considering the fact I'd be homeless and without insurance if he did leave me is multiplying the anxiety by 1000 of course. All I want to do is wrap myself in a quilt and cry myself to sleep, and I have no faith in my ability to do what he needs me to do, and I have no real hope of ever getting out of this three-year-long slump, because it's never taken so, so long to recover before. I have medical and psychological care to help me and I try to do everything they recommend, but I'm not improving much and I'm worried it's not going to be enough, fast enough to save my marriage. Sorry for the crazy long post. I swear I even left most of it out. I'm even scared to post it because deep down I'm pretty sure this IS all my fault and you're all going to tell me so, which is probably insane anxiety talk, but there it is. Thanks for listening if you got this far. --Ivory
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