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IIIcheshireIII
3,745 M Seeking Light 3
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts348 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2022 Member sinceJanuary 25, 2020
Bio
I have another name, but I go by Blue. They told me my birth name but it felt weird. I'm nineteen, and I'm a 'survivor' of sex trafficking, though I've only been out a year and change. I'm living in a women's shelter, but with everything happening, and the fact that I never even made it to middleschool before everything started, I'm pretty much stuck waiting for the world to keep going. I can't even work on graduating because everyone has more important things to do than figure out my school shit. I can't get a job, and I'm technically not allowed to have the net, but I lived with harder people than these recovery folks, so hiding a tiny phone is easy. I feel useless, I'm scared all the time, I feel like I'm losing my MIND in here, and the therapist they gave me looks like he wants to swallow me whole every time we talk, he keeps looking at my tits and trying to convince me to be 'more comfortable' by wearing tees instead of hoodies and shit like that, as IF I don't see it coming from a goddamn marathon away. I talked to the fed who checks in on me about it and he just told me the guy already told him about my 'defensive, paranoid behavior', but I'm TELLING you that guy touches my knee WAY too much for me to just be crazy. I'm just fed up. Anyway, that's me, not sure if people even read these but whatever.
Recent forum posts
Since I never met my parents, I never knew my heritage. Is it too late to, like, be that?
Young People of Color / by IIIcheshireIII
Last post
September 17th, 2020
...See more I never met my parents, and I grew up in a bad place. I didn't have freedom to use the internet or talk to people like me or really even people my age. I didn't learn my ancestry until this year, after they tracked down my birth parents (my mom is dead and my dad wants nothing to do with me, so no help there.) and I don't really know anything about it. I'm apparently a third generation immigrant from Romania and Pakistan, (grandparents), and both sides of my family are Roma. I know NOTHING about this. I've never even HEARD of them until now. Due to how I was raised, my identity as a person was kinda stolen from me along with an potential of the person I COULD have been, and now that I've been taken from that place too, even though it was bad, I don't really know what to do or who I am. Is it okay to start looking into information and traditions from what my grandparents would have known and probably taught me if I'd known them, and accept that as part of who I am? It feels weird, and scary, and insincere, since I never ACTUALLY grew up with any of that, I don't actually understand or participate in any of these rituals. I wish I did, and I would have, I should have, but I didn't, and I don' t want to claim something that isn't mine. I'm nineteen. I wish my mom wasn't dead.
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