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IAmNotBroken
813 M Little Steps
PathStep 41 Compassion hearts25 Forum posts112 Forum upvotes141 Current upvotes141 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2019 Member sinceAugust 30, 2015
Bio
An ftm agender demisexual dude wondering what to do with his life while surfing the interwebs.
Recent forum posts
Hindsight Doesn't Heal A Broken Heart
Relationship Stress / by IAmNotBroken
Last post
 October 12th, 2017
...See more We all think we're exceptions to the rules, don't we? I'm 17 and thought I was different when I started going out with a 27 year old across the country. Less than a week later and he's found someone he wants more than me. A friend of mine before they met, no less. Whom I introduced him to. Also someone he met online, not living in his state. Granted with much less age difference, 2 years to be precise. And that he's known for at most, a few days. I know I'm stupid. I like to think I was still more mature than others in my situation. But I still fell for it. I still thought he really felt different about me than about other people. I think I'm already realizing what was going on in his head, that he's just bouncing from good feeling to the next, since everything else in his life is less than stellar. But that could be the digust and betrayal I feel influencing my thoughts. It hurts that he didn't care about me as much as someone he'd known for a lot shorter of time. The worst part may be that I lost my safe place. The new guy he's dating is the owner of the group I spend most my time on on the internet. I have so many friends there. But I can't stand even seeing their names right now. I feel extremely isolated. I have real life friends that I'm talking to but they're not the same people. Besides, before this those two were the first I'd go to if I had problems. So many things were ripped away from me at once. I know it's all very petty, but if being aware of something made the emotion go away, I would have waaaay fewer problems. Thank you sincerely for taking the time to read and reply to me.
"Oh Come On"
Anxiety Support / by IAmNotBroken
Last post
 July 31st, 2017
...See more I'd like to say I'm exceedingly releaved this forum is here exactly where I was looking for it. Anyways. I have 2 rather 'ridiculous' phobias that I feel really mess with my life. Particularly one right now that's keeping me up all night tonight and probably more for no good reason. Parasitophobia (fear of parasites) is the one keeping me up now. I discovered my cat has a health issue in a very unpleasant way (one you might be able to guess) and because this happened when I was on my bed with her, I'm not sleeping up there or anywhere in my room. I'm sitting in one particular spot on the floor and suffering the aftermath of that stuff. When anything happens to do with this phobia, I have to change my entire outfit, turning the new clothes inside out and inspecting them before I put them on. And I itch all over, including my scalp, to the point my skin is red and a little puffy and plenty of my hair surrounds me (mostly because I shed a lot, not because I'm really pulling it that hard). My family just thinks I'm an idiot when it comes to this, despite what I think is logical cause for me to develop this phobia. Most of which are events in my life they were there for and you would assume would traumatize a young person. It just sucks in particular now because I'm going to have a crumby day tomorrow because of a ten minute incident tonight. Another huge, life affecting phobia I want to just rant about is Bathophobia (the fear of depths). Maybe this isn't exactly what it is, but something to the affect. Like "a fear of heights" is usually a fear of falling, not the actual distance from the ground or whathaveyou. Anyways, even when in swimming pools, I'm afraid there's a shark in the water. Something is under the water that wants to eat me. If I'm with a few other people and/or I can see the bottom and walls clearly, this isn't much of a problem. But last summer my family bought an above ground pool. Nobody else wanted to swim one day, but did and decided to. The water is no deeper than midchest for me but I was so afraid there was an alligator in the water, I couldn't swim. I tried to calm down, walking around the edges and staring into the water to convince myself there was nothing. I saw nothing the whole time, but as soon as I looked up or stopped directly searching, I was so terrified I had to get out as fast as I could. I felt like a huge idiot and was extremely relieved no one saw me. Maybe the most annoying thing, I'm not sure, is the amount of skepticism I get from my loved ones for being afraid like this. Eye rolls and scoffs, "oh come on", "get over it", and "seriously?" cut deep when I hate these reactions just as much. I don't have a nice wrap-up for this, maybe someone with similar phobias can see this and feel better that they're not the only one, because that was a big relief for me awhile ago. Thank you for taking the time to read.
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