HopefulMamaof4 Member Profile

...See more Hi guys, **Heads up, it's a long thread** I'm feeling so confused, unheard and alone. So when I met hubby he was a functional pothead and apart from that everything was fine and we were very much in love for years - I had excepted that it was apart of him. But I soon noticed that once we had children he changed and was smoking more and getting agro when not on it. It was always him needing it, finding it, buying it, travelling to get it. it was the first thing he did when he got home from work...went to the shed. He is a lovely man, has always been In fulltime work providing for me and our 4 children. Hes a very involved father the kids adore him and that is why I feel stuck. I feel like I'm always the bad guy because hes always trying to please everyone else at my expense. The arguing got worse and so did my depression - I tried to talk to him so many times but he always turned it around to be my fault. After 13 years I decided to leave him. He didnt try to fight for me, he acted as he didnt care at all and carried on with his life. Living alone, smoking pot and playing video games. It wasn't until he badly broke his arm and couldn't get weed that he sobered up and realised what he has lost, he was a different man, he was always making sure I was happy, backing me up when the kids were disrespectful instead of his cruisey undermining "it's all good" attitude. He asked for a second chance so after 1 year we got back together. I finally felt loved and that I was his priority! This lasted about a year and I noticed him smoking about once a month, it wasn't causing any change in him but I still said I'm not going back to how we were...slowly it started to get more often and I kept reminding him I'm not doing it again, he said he wouldn't go back but it just got worse until it's now back to hes always stoned. I can never talk to him so I wrote him a big email of how I was feeling and how it was effecting me... he said nothing, just kept smoking, day after day of me in tears telling him how much it is effecting me and the kids and he just didnt care so I got to the point of saying it's the drugs or the family - he got all defensive like always, blamed it on me so I said wow so your choosing drugs over us and he said of course I can stop it its not important....but the next day it's all forgotten and he carries on. I love him so much and dont see my life without him, apart from this he is an amazing, hardworking, kind and loveable guy....I just dont get any of that side of him...I dont how what to do, do I learn to live with it and find coping strategies or do I pack my bag and give him the ultimatum once more....? I'm so depressed and feel so alone and unworthy. :,(

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