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GrumpyBadger
992 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceOctober 23, 2020
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31 infj demisexual artist

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My story
Trauma Support / by GrumpyBadger
Last post
 August 31st, 2022
...See more Hi from birth until 8yo I had a normal childhood one night my mom put my sister and I in the back of the car and drove across the country cutting off and taking away all the family and home I’d ever known. she became an abusive shut in hoarder of things and animals. We lived in poverty. we were usually without food and electricity. Having dead animals around me was normal. I smelled at school. The windows were covered and we were not allowed to use the phone or answer the door. We moved once a year and we’re always running and hiding. She beat me and was very emotionally manipulative and distorted my reality. At one point she invited a man in who beat me. One instance he dragged me down a gravel driveway by my hair then bashed my head into the ground repeatedly while my mother watched from the porch. Nothing was done. as a teen I spent a lot of my time in juvenile adjudication because it was cleaner and safer than home. I did very well there. At 15 I was raped and my mother did nothing about it. I sat on a friends porch without moving or speaking for the entire night. at 17 I worked full time and no longer lived at home. at 19 I became pregnant and the father did not want the baby so I was a single mother and was forced to move back in with my mom. I worked full time and tried to take care of a mentally Ill hoarder and a new born in a house infested with rats and animals. I really did try and kept our room clean. The baby and I did not spend much time there, I had a babysitter and worked second shift. at 21 I was raped by an ex that broke into my house in front of my baby a year later I got married and on our wedding day my husband became a completely different person. he stopped being my friend, doing laundry or brushing his teeth and stopped having relations with me. I became pregnant accidentally when we had sex while he was asleep. I was crushed and did not want another child and was incredibly depressed through the entire pregnancy. my first child had autism but was undiagnosed and screamed constantly. my husband did not handle this at all. He would scream and throw a tantrum like a child himself. I had terrible sciatica through this pregnancy and after working a full day into the morning hours I would have to be carried to the bath or on the toilet because my legs were in agony. my husband was so lazy and inconsiderate and really dirty. I had a laundry basket in every room and he would throw his clothes anywhere. He wouldn’t clean and did nothing but go to work and then sit on the couch. I would ask him to invite friends over for dinner and game night and he wouldn’t. After I had the baby I was pretty much alone with two kids. I had no friends and no support. My mother would babysit my son because that was all I had. She would openly defy me to my son. Tell him not to listen to me and not to follow my rules and not give him medicine. then we had to leave our apartment and we ended up living in a broken down trailer 5 ft from his parents. There was no air conditioning, you could not drink the water, holes in the floor, infested with rats. I worked cleaning houses, he worked. His parents charged us the same rent as our apartment and a lot extra for other things. We had no money to get out. because of the neglect from my husband and the terrible circumstance I cheated and left for five months. During that time I assumed his family was helping with the children, he would not let me see them but twice in the last two months of the five. my daughter had to be taken to the emergency room the day I came back because there was something stuck in her nose and it was rotting inside her face for months. She was sick all the time. There was rat feces in the food mold in the pillows laundry had not been done since I left and the parents had cleaned out a storage unit and took over half the shack. There are five people living like this over 15yo three of them adults. They had also been emotionally abusive toward my autistic son. i came back because no one was taking care of themselves and my children were dying. After being back in that environment for a couple months I overdosed. No one stepped in at all to help me. I came home from the hospital the next day and life continued as normal. His parents told him they wished I had died. My mental has continually declined from here. He and I decided to keep living together even though we weren’t romantic anymore to raise the children. I stood up to his parents because he would not. That did not go well and they kicked us out and we became homeless. his grandmother gave us enough to start renting. for the first two years of renting I washed all of our clothes by hand, i dumpster dove, our neighbors called us the trash people, I got all of our clothes for free and budgeted down to the penny. We lived in the hood and my son was jumped every other day. He has a fake tooth. I homeschooled both of my children, did post mates and babysat and taught myself to make art and provided a pretty ok life for them. All without family friends or support from my husband. Still all he did was go to work and sit on the couch. When asked to do things with or for the kids he would scream and throw a tantrum and by now my kids are full growing kids not little. Three years of scratching by with nothing, he got a better job in a better city and we got out. We have never qualified for medical care or assistance so we have been going without and I am getting sicker all the time. we bought a house and two cars. But the house was a fixer upper and it’s taking a lot of work. I have done all of it by myself and I cannot keep up. Then I was in a wreck two years ago that left me in a wheelchair for six months. It was the whole right side of my body. I could not move around or take care of myself. My husband did not clean the house, I had to beg him to bathe me, when he did he was a jerk about it. I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever cared about and have been all alone for ten years. I’ve become more sick to where I cannot do this by myself anymore. Mentally physically and spiritually I am broken. He is making more money now but we are still at the end of our budget. But I’ve started demanding instead of insisting that he start doing something for this family because I just cannot do it alone anymore. He’s started traveling all the time and is home maybe a weekend every three weeks. but now that I’m demanding change he has turned into an infantile monster. My son is 12 and fully diagnosed. He screams at my son and tells me I’m the problem. But it’s not true. he says he’s moving out and I need to figure out how to pay for the house. im so depressed and have developed a real panic disorder that I don’t have help for. I struggle to remember what day it is and I have recently had surgery for cancer. My son started sleeping with me because he’s suicidal because his dad hates him. I have had a life of trauma and neglect and I just don’t know what to do anymore ive worked really hard for what we have and he doesn’t give a damn. He never has. And I’m so scared I’m going to lose everything. We barely have anything as it is i hate him for doing this to us and I hate myself for staying so long and letting him make me feel like I had to carry everything and then blaming me when I stumble from the weight of it all. I thought he was my friend until recently i really did. He said he’s never contributed to this family because he never wanted us. I can’t hold a job. I can’t even shower or remember to eat every day. I’m trying the best way I can but he is so awful and childishly manipulative and there’s nothing I can do
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