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GreekCatPerson
40 110,789 M Moving Swiftly 6
Clearly, I'm not wanted here.
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts13,759 Forum posts26 Forum upvotes124 Current upvotes124 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceMarch 29, 2024
Bio

I'm a man. I'm broken. I need help. Please read below, and please talk to me.

For those who don't know me, I'm a 49-year-old man in a wheelchair with a spinal cord injury.

I'm a returning citizen, and I have had a heck of a time finding a job, finding a place to live. I have certain needs, but for the most part, I am independent. 

During my incarceration, I suffered a mental break down and I have been diagnosed with severe depression and generalized anxiety disorders. I have symptoms of PTSD, I get overwhelmed and get stuck in a constant flight mode. 

My journey towards recovery has been extremely slow, extremely full of obstacles, and I keep making mistakes. I have no family, and no real-life friends that I can lean on for assistance (emotional, physical). 

I am not looking for financial assistance from any one individual. I have applied to dozens of apartment complexes, I have contacted 211, findhelp.org, HUD, my state's housing development authorities, everything I can think of, but to no avail. The answers range from "we have a multi-year waiting list" to "we don't do business with felons."

At this point, I am looking for ideas, for help, for something new to try that does not involve being constantly overwhelmed. I have been looking for government grants and loans to buy and retrofit a house to live somewhere quietly, and peacefully. Does anyone have any ideas? Does anyone have any pointers?





























Recent forum posts
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Getting things off my chest...
Depression Support / by GreekCatPerson
Last post
 December 11th
...See more I don't really know who knows my story and how much of my story you know. I have posted before, and I also put a small intro on my profile. Today is a very bad day for me. I have been feeling helpless, and I feel at any moment something horrible will happen to make my life even worse. I have no family, and I have no friends. I come to 7 cups every day, and I have connections with several people that I could call friends and family. But the problem is that everyone has their own problems, their own life, their own challenges just like I do. The only difference is that it feels that people have support systems, whether it's a family member, a friend, and/or a therapist who is willing to catch them if they fall. I literally fell, and everyone in my life scattered because of my attempt and because of finding out that I was a cheater. Yes, I was unfaithful to my wife and, honestly, I could live with the suffering of my crime, but the fact that the woman that I truly did love hates me so much... The amount of damage that I have caused with my actions goes beyond my conviction, beyond my ability to forgive myself. I feel the pain I caused my wife, I feel the pain I caused my mother-in-law, my father-in-law. They loved me so much, and I betrayed them. And it's not okay. It's not who I am now.  I broke myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. They say that once the glass is cracked it can't be fixed. I want to offer a different opinion, the glass is cracked and therefore is 10 times more important to realize how delicate the glass is now and try to repair instead of replacing it. I know my wife is not here, she's too strong to ever let depression get to her, but to her I want to say that I learned what is important in life. Those 4 years in prison taught me so much and you're the only one I want to see benefit from those lessons. I love you, and I pray every day that God inspires you to feel that I am not the monster you think I am. And I hope one day you reach out to me. I will be here, waiting, crying, and praying. You matter to me, you mean everything to me.
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Christian orthodox
Religion & Spirituality / by GreekCatPerson
Last post
 August 22nd
...See more I've recently started going back to church. I talked at first over the phone with the pastor of this church and he invited me to meet him, to confess my sons, to accept God back into my life. I spoke to the pastor for over 2 hours. He asked questions that I never expected a human being to ask. He was compassionate, he was accepting, and he prayed for me, asking God to forgive me. He gave me communion. I have been going back to church every week. It's been about a month since the first time. I feel like I belong somewhere. I pray to fall asleep, and when I wake up I feel like I had a good night sleep. I pray throughout the day for forgiveness, for peace in my heart and in my mind, for strength and wisdom. For those who know my story, I still don't know if I deserve anything. I still fight with myself and my mental illnesses. I still catch myself asking for things that are petty and small. God is not Santa Claus, He doesn't have a bag of presents, He guides me through life's cruelty and harshness. I keep expecting a miracle. I was raised to believe that God gives... I don't know how to give to Him. I don't know how to love myself and forgive myself. I understand that accepting myself, working on myself is how I let Him be a bigger part of my life, but I spent too much time doubting He exists. I spent too much time in my life asking instead of giving. How do I reset? Can I? I crave peace, I crave a life of love and forgiveness. I've hurt so many people in the past. I pray, but I don't feel deserving. I feel alone. I'm sorry for rambling. I'm looking for His love. I'm looking for peace. Please, pray for me. Please, show me how to reach Him.
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Looking for assistance to navigate life...
50 & Over Community / by GreekCatPerson
Last post
 July 4th
...See more For those who don't know me, I'm a 49 year-old man in a wheelchair with a spinal cord injury. I'm a returning citizen, and I have had a heck of a time finding a job, finding a place to live. I have certain needs, but for the most part, I am independent.  During my incarceration, I suffered a mental break down and I have been diagnosed with severe depression and generalized anxiety disorders. I have symptoms of PTSD, I get overwhelmed and get stuck in a constant flight mode.  My journey towards recovery has been extremely slow, extremely full of obstacles, and I keep making mistakes. I have no family, and no real life friends that I can lean on for assistance (emotional, physical, financial).  I am not looking for financial assistance from any one individual. I have applied to dozens of apartment complexes, I have contacted 211, findhelp.org, HUD, my state's housing development authorities, everything I can think of, but to no avail. The answers range from "we have a multi-year waiting list" to "we don't do business with felons." At this point, I am looking for ideas, for help, for something new to try that does not involve being constantly overwhelmed. I have been looking for government grants and loans to buy and retrofit a house to live somewhere quietly, and peacefully. Does anyone have any ideas? Does anyone have any pointers?
GreekCatPerson profile picture
Sitting in the dark
Poetry / by GreekCatPerson
Last post
 July 5th
...See more I wrote this poem last year. It was a warm July night, and as usual, I was in my room... Here's the rest... I'm sitting here alone in the dark, Surrounded by relics of life in the past, Her pictures just a couple of clicks apart, How I long to see the eyes that put my life in the up. But it's all just a trick played by my heart, To poke the part that hurts me so much, Why do I let it enter my mind in park, Here I am again, alone in the dark. Maybe one more time to see the stars Be jealous of her eyes' bright spark, My pain continues and I fall apart, Here I sit again, always alone in the dark.
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Ones and zeroes
Poetry / by GreekCatPerson
Last post
 May 17th
...See more Ones and zeros is what I do get two states of life I can’t forget, unsolvable problems I never met ones and zeros is what I do get. I faced this life with no regret. No, I lie, I had plenty to get, things I wish I could soon forget, my past with doubts filled it did get. I always ran some right or left, quick decisions I was so deft, fixing errors I was so adept, I threw me both feet and all the heft. Even my love was right or was left, even If my heart was lost in theft. I picked the path I thought was best, piled any regret with all the rest. This love I have, I barely get, not one, not zero, I never met it fills my heart and spins my head, law even physics have never met. Ones and zeros is what I do get, And you, my Princess, I cannot forget, for once this love has no regret, even if zero chance I do get.
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Do I matter?
Poetry / by GreekCatPerson
Last post
 July 1st
...See more Do I matter, do I not? I don't know, I have forgot. Last time it was pain I got, The empty hole I needed not. Love they say is all you got, Water it or it will surely rot, And in the end if pain you got, Then real love it surely was not. So there I was I loved her lot, But in the end it went to rot And all I have is a pain pot I don't know if I'm worth a lot. So do I matter, or do I not? My love for her is all I got, But am I worth the pain I got, If all I have is tears and rot.
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