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GodSpeedYou
1 55 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts4 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2016 Member sinceJanuary 24, 2016
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Didn't know where else to go
Depression Support / by GodSpeedYou
Last post
 January 24th, 2016
...See more So I've been living with Bi-polar disorder for ten years now. Though I err toward the side of being depressed more than manic. Anyways it's been hard to deal with lately. I work a low wage job and don't have health insurance, the local mental health clinic is direly underfunded and the doctor treats me as if I am incapable of making decisions for myself. This has limited my access to medicine to treat my illnesses. Now that I've laid down some background I guess I would like to get into what I need help with the most. Recently my girlfriend and myself moved into an apartment which has caused me huge amounts of mental and financial stress. Simply put if I didn't ask my family members for help we would've been evicted long ago. I am also trying to put myself through school to give us a better life where we don't have to struggle for everything we have. The problem I'm facing is that I feel like I've gotten myself into a bear hopeless situation here. I've gone from bad job to bad job trying to keep us afloat, but there's always a problem were the job either conflicts with school and the future I want to build or the work is physically harmful to me. In fact the current job I have working at the same place as my girlfriend is both taking away time from school and it caused me to pinch a nerve in my back the first week and has caused major problems with my chronic back pain that I suffer from. I can't afford medical treatment for that problem either so I've resorted to wearing a back brace and dealing with the pain. However the hours are causing me to miss assignments at school and if I lower my hours any more I won't be able to help with our rent and living expenses. Every time I try to talk to my girlfriend about these issues she either gets stressed out because she is so close to the situation or she just tells me what I want to hear. I just feel like the pressures of trying to succeed academically, and trying to be financially well off enough to pay our rent, and the physical demands of my job are becoming too much to bare. I don't feel like I really have anywhere to turn and the whole situation is eating me up inside. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, and like I am dealing with an interconnected cluster fuck of if I don't focus on school I'll fail and won't be able to have a better future, if I don't keep working this job I won't have a home or food, if I keep working this job I might fail this semester, and out myself back in the hospital for my back which I can't afford to treat unless I have a decent job that pays me well or helps me get health insurance coverage. It just seems all of my problems are interconnected and that I am stuck underneath the weight of all of them at once. I think being on my medicine would help but once again I'm stuck in the cycle of not having insurance to seek proper treatment for my illness.
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