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Gabumon
129 M Embraced 1
PathStep 20 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2019 Member sinceApril 5, 2019
Recent forum posts
Panic, fear, guilt, and anxiety - 4 for 1.
Anxiety Support / by Gabumon
Last post
 March 15th, 2020
...See more First post here, let me explain: PANIC: little things lately have been setting my mood to total panic mode. I dont know who I can talk to anymore without seeming absolutely fucking crazy. Intrusive thoughts of my coworkers conspiring against me, me choosing to drop two of my four classes this semester only one semester away from graduation with my associates degree in a moderately useless subject (art) that I have been way too depressed to be motivated in and wont get me any jobs more than likely - my future is looking bleak, and I'm my own worst enemy in this situation, self-sabotaging and making myself sick with fear. FEAR: just thinking about the choices I need to make in the future unsettles me. I'm stuck in my job of 4 years as low-level management even though I have great metrics, leadership qualities, and thorough understanding of my business (retail). I am afraid to move forward for fear of that 'what if it gets better and I wasn't patient enough for it' feeling. What if I make the wrong choice and am out of a job that could be a potentially good work environment for someone with my struggles? How do I look for a new job from here when I am struggling moving forward in my current job? I hate being stagnant. I feel useless. Even more so because I still live at home with my parents at 28 years old because I cant get living wages for all the stress my job puts on me. I feel like a burden, and my boyfriend of 10 years tries to make me happy but isnt sure about our future yet either, which makes me uncertain. It makes me feel like it was something I did. GUILT: I have to admit, I'm not going to go into detail about this one, since it is far more personal and upsetting to talk about than mostly anything else in my life at this moment. I will say, however, I am struggling to find motivation to ask for therapy and dont have a clue where I should even start. I have had a lot of trauma in my past, which lead up to me doing some deplorable things myself as a result and left me feeling terrible. I feel I was mentally ill and am angry at myself for not understanding what I was doing earlier. I am literally sick with grief from this every single day of my waking life and don't know who to talk to about this therapy stuff. Don't know where to even start. ANXIETY: basically the bottom line here. Every moment in my life leaves me locked in my bed staring at my ceiling, oversleeping and lost in thought or having bad dreams otherwise. I am torn up inside about how to go about dealing and confronting my own demons and am afraid of how everyone will feel about me if they knew I was a terrible person. I really need to get over this motivational and self-esteem hump or i might have a hard time doing anything in life, coping, or even going to work or school. I feel like the walls are closing in around me and suffocating me..
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