FutureTeacher301 Member Profile

Feeling used, problematic friend (Long vent)

Friendship Support / by FutureTeacher301

2 days ago

...See more I don't want to be friends with her anymore. She can't stop writing negativism in her messages, claiming that her fanfic has low reads, that no one is interested in her ship, that there's no one of the fandom we are in that wants to talk about her fav character and so on. I always explained to her that numbers are not important, because it is only content that makes YOU happy, and it would be enough to share it with your closest friends and have a joyful conversation. (Besides, let's be honest, you can't pretend a big audience if you write for a dead fandom). However, she doesn't understand. She is always complaining, as if she needs extreme attention, all day. She needs to be validated by everyone saying "oh, but your content is so cute", and so on. I really noticed she has these moments of attention seeker, and this is worrying me, because she might use her social media in not the correct way, complaining and making a fuss over everything. When I can tell she is in one of these episodes, she makes tons of posts of social media. "I am going to delete my blog, no one reads me. No one likes my stuff", and so on... She even spams in a personal *** server we have with other two girls, of course, trying to make us compliment her. Oh, and by the way, she made another server where she apparently invited all her important people. This gave me a huge red flag, because she always pretended people to talk there, all day. Now... You are wondering, if she finally meets someone from the fandom, she will be happy, right? Wrong. She always has a problem. She always talk bad about these people, and she wants me to follow her game. I have no drama with any of these people, yet she just wants spice since someone shares her f/o or it's a friend of one of these someones (hope you understand this part...). I don't want to talk bad about people I never had a beef with, I don't know if she's aware that this is wrong. She finds a problem in every single detail, like "this person never played the games", or "why are they just switching to the most popular characters". This is pissing me off, honestly, because here we go again with her complains... Since she complained a lot that no one arranges a gift exchange dynamic within the fandom we're in, I offered myself to make one. The gifts were presented yesterday - drawings, fanfics and letters. It was so cute. The person who worked on a letter to her asked me a lot about her OC. I can tell this one blud put effort! However, she cried on my DMs saying the letter is too meh, also posting on Bluesky that "the letter she got left her with a bittersweet taste". And when I was on the server with the other two girls, showing the drawing I got in another gift exchange, she quickly appeared, crying that she didn't got one and I was like... ._.? I turned into a clown. Literally I arranged a dynamic for her and she doesn't show a hint of gratitude. (she always complains her gifts, btw. Even if she commissions, she always has a complain. Nothing satisfies her, and the letter fed me up completely) I don't want to be friends with her anymore. I am going to exit the server. If she wants answers, I will tell her everything in the best way possible. There's no way an adult woman is acting like a teenager, seeking attention through victimism. Her harsh past shouldn't let her act like this. I am aware of her past, her traumas, but I don't want to be the one that cheers her up anymore, because she doesn't do the same in the end. We used to joke that she's the extrovert person who adopts the introvert (me), but I think the real thing is "I only pull your strings when I need your validation".

I watched this scene on Instagram with English subtitles and I now I want to watch it entirely. Do you guys know the name of this show?

TV & Movies / by FutureTeacher301

Sunday

I come back to 7cups after a while and now I can upload photos?! Take one of my drawings!

Arts & Crafts / by FutureTeacher301

February 7th

Self discovery path - it starts again...

Religion & Spirituality / by FutureTeacher301

February 10th

...See more I am almost 30, and I always found myself in the dilemma about religion - what am I? I was born and raised in a Roman Catholic family, however there were things that I never agreed since I was a kiddo. For example, the worship to Virgin Mary and the Saints. That means I was never meant to be a Catholic, I guess... I used to be an atheist while I was a teenager. Rebel times, maybe, but I did believe in reincarnation and such, so I was suggested to try Jainism. Years passed by, and I felt some sort of "connection" with what people call a "guardian angel", and for some reason I felt it related to Spiritism, understanding there is something greater than us, but its identity is unknown to us. I even had "signals" that this spiritual guide was named Emmanuel, through sudden thoughts, as if you suddenly remember where you left your car keys. After a disappointment in my life and keeping this matter away from me, years passed. And I started dating a guy, who's Evangelical, and he is eager to have debates about religion from time to time. The mere presence of Jesus came back to me, understanding he is an important man, and of course, the extension of God. However, I don't want to get into the Protestant branch, I don't feel fully convinced, although his parents invited me several times to go to their church. I don't want to go by invitation. Why? I know myself. I am autistic. I recognized I can be innocent and naive, easily manipulated. I take things too seriously, and I usually get anxious and utterly guilty if I don't follow rules properly. Imagine it with religion, then. On the other hand, my critical thinking always strikes. It says "this is pointless, stop wasting time", or "remember that church is filled with evil people". My brain tells me this is all useless, that there is no such God or soul. But why? Why can't I let myself believe? Is it the fear of being judged? You can tell my problem is: 1. unable to find myself since nothing convinces me - 2. critical thinking taking away my motivation - 3. the fear that this is all a delusion since I am autistic One thing that's for sure - I believe in Jesus and I recognize his presence. Does that mean I gotta strictly search into the Abrahamic religions? I am also finding myself interested in the Old Testament. I am quite lost, let me be honest...

Friends...?

Friendship Support / by FutureTeacher301

October 10th, 2022

...See more I am not very good at socializing due to autism and a certain anxiety level. I was thinking about the word "friend" and I noticed this is a very hard and important one... You cannot call whoever a "friend", because he/she/they is someone who cares about you and your health, and viceversa... I may listen and deal in certain way with people's problems, but I don't know how to act to support - there's not any special feeling that borns in the inside of my heart about it. I just listen to them and I am quiet, yet somehow uncomfortable because I am not a psychologist and I am tired of being used such as one, to be later abandoned. Last time somebody talked to me about their problems I got sick and I told them the sad truth about their situation - just like a normal adult would do right? - and I made them cry. I talk with some people but I cannot call them they're my friends just for the reason I mentioned earlier, so I see them as "mates". One of them even said that the main purpose of hanging out is "to distress and do something" and not to talk and know each other, which I completely disagree because I like to talk a lot when I feel confident with someone, just like my boyfriend. I don't know if calling my bf my best friend is the correct way, but I feel I can count on him and he will support me, no matter if he doesn't understand me, and viceversa. But, at the end of every day, I feel alone in my heart. And it is a loneliness that somehow makes me happy, and why? Because I must be MY OWN friend. Nobody will like you if you don't like yourself!! I need to work on myself, do the things I love and seek for motivation "for me", and not "for the others". I am happy in the silence of my house with my pets while I listen to music and do the house chores, I even started a personal diary to express my deepest thoughts and confessions. I am my own friend and I only have myself.

I think I suffer from dissociation.

Journals & Diaries / by FutureTeacher301

March 22nd, 2022

My space. But it could be anyone's.

Journals & Diaries / by FutureTeacher301

January 18th, 2022

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