FrozenRob0t Member Profile

broke up with my first boyfriend

Relationship Stress / by FrozenRob0t

January 15th

...See more i just need some advice and opinions on this… so the situation was that he and i had a very rocky relationship where our fights on texts gets heated up really easily, and he finally couldn’t take it anymore and he told me no contact until he’s ready and that we have officially broken up. i just have some questions, if he doesn’t remember one thing i mentioned that i like, even though i talked about that thing the day before, does it mean that he doesn’t care enough? i told him that i didn’t like reminding him and he just said sorry and changed topic. i then told him i was still upset and he explained that he was driving and was rushing to pick his mom up and stuff. he also said that it was a mistake, and that he tends to forget the easiest things and need to actually put in effort to memorise things, and that i can’t seem to deal with that. and i couldn’t stop feeling angry because of the way he responded when i expressed that if he actually cared he wouldn’t have needed to remember it or he would have at least showed that he was sincere when he apologized. But he apologized because he felt bad and not for the mistake. i know i’m the problem too but the more i explained why i felt so triggered, he just kept telling me things out of spite like “you’re right i’m the terrible person” and then kept asking me to stop and he also said “be angry all you want” and “can’t go a week without being angry at me” and that the only reason i wasn’t angry at him during my holiday was because we barely talked, and then he also said “this is what happens when i try talking to you all day”. and then those phrases and words he said to me made me explode, and then argued saying he never tried to improve where he replied me with “and how have you improved” and that the only reaction to any inconvenience was being angry or upset. and then he later called me to break up with me and asked for no contact, saying that it was best for both of us and we both needed time to heal and grow from this. i don’t know how else i was supposed to let out what i’m thinking without ending up in a fight like this. i didn’t intend to end the relationship over that. I know i’m at fault for being so easily angered but his replies didn’t help me at all. i wanted him to tell me he will try his best to remember and for the way he apologized insincerely. Was it wrong of me to have kept explaining how i felt? i really don’t know. Now that he basically asked me for no contact, it’s been sounding like leave me alone. I’ve come to realised that i was too harsh in my expectations but at the same time, he kept making it worse for me to recover. i can’t help but keep regretting for continuing the conversation and explaining my thoughts. I just feel worse and worse every day. I have to restrict myself from texting him. he’s going to be on holiday from late jan for 3 weeks which is really long for me and i can’t stop thinking that he could make use of that holiday to get over this fight and heal from it while, even though he said i have to heal as well, i have other problems like my school and family problems. It just seems so easy for him to stop talking to me but it’s so hard for me to stop talking to him. It just never seems fair. and the more i think about it, if he could just ask for a break without asking about me or my thoughts, if we ever get back together, he might do the same thing, saying it’s the best for both of us, saying it’s going to help heal and grow from this. but i don’t even know if he’s just trying to reflect on any of this. i don’t even think he wants to try again. I told him almost recently that i regretted the things i said and that i should have not taken him for granted and more, but all i got back was, basically “i really hold you meant the things you said. but you to respect my boundaries and not contact me” i really tried to reflect on my actions and feelings and said those things but he replied saying that he initially intended to visit me after his holiday but now that i said those things, he thinks it might take us longer to heal. like honestly i really tried and i suffered even more. I really didn’t want to have to break up with him. but it sounded like he just wants a break from me and i just think that the no contact and the “this is for the best” was just an excuse. I don’t know how to stop feeling this pain. and i honestly feel like i already come to the conclusion that i want to give up although i really like him. He kept saying the time is to fix and heal but what exactly is he doing to that and he is obviously not going to talk to me. meanwhile i am trying my best to study and distract myself but i keep finding myself falling apart at night whenever i think about how much i miss him. and the more i kept re reading his replies, the more i feel like if he ever comes back to find me, i wouldn’t have the energy to want to carry on with him anymore. I don’t mind giving him the space he needs and i’m really okay with 1-2 weeks but he needs more than 2 months. I don’t know how to feel about this and i don’t want to move on but at the same time i want to move on. i just wished he was more calmer whenever we fight and i wouldn’t have exploded but i know it comes down to me and my anger issues too. I just really wanted to tell him that he hurt me just as much and that i couldn’t wait that long because by then i don’t know how many break downs are going to kill me over and over again. even though he said he’s hurting just as much and feels terrible for breaking up he still needs the break. I don’t want him to leave me. but i don’t know what to do myself. if i confront him any further, he will say that it’s not possible for us to be together anymore. and i also hate the fact that he won’t pick up my calls anymore and so everything is going to be on texts. but that not anymore too, because we even cut contact on our socials. at this point, i feel like he needs this break but it’s not what i need. I need him to tell me what he plans to do and how he is going to fix and heal from this… but all he wants me to do is to not contact him until he wants to contact me. he said that he wants us to not contact each other until we both are ready and confident that we will not end up this way, but how am i supposed to know when he will be ready if he is just going to keep telling me no contact. he is basically telling me to wait for him until he’s ready to talk to me again. i don’t know how long i can last before i want to tell him i can’t wait anymore. but then again i don’t want it to end because i just need him to talk to me. I really really need some advice on this, and i really appreciate anyone who has read everything.

toxic school friend, destroying my mental peace

Anxiety Support / by FrozenRob0t

July 26th, 2023

...See more so to start off, i’m currently a uni student studying computer science. Im in my third year and have met a friend online in my first year online. We continued being school friends and she helped me a lot with assignments in the first year. Our school then transitioned to campus classes, and so i got to meet her (and some other friends) in person. We still kept in touch and did some courses together in our second year and made some mutual friends along the way. In the beginning of the second year, we got closer where she would ask me to go to her place and go to school together since she stays 15 min away from school, and sometimes i would go to her place so we would do assignments together and sometimes she would help me with them (I thanked her everytime she helped me and I’m pretty sure she knows i’m grateful). However, starting from the the end of second year or beginning of my third year (this year), I started to realise that she was not the type of friend who i would hang out alone with, as despite being an introvert, i always find myself trying hard to be fun in our conversation and felt drained whenever we were talking. And gradually, i started to realise the way she’s been treating me, or at least how i feel she’s been treating me, i always had this feeling that she was being condescending but doesn’t realise that she is. (like she would randomly tell me she scored a distinction in a subject out of nowhere as if she wants to let me know that she’s above me or something and she knows it is a hard subject but i didn’t really mind that — i don’t like comparing grades) I felt like i had to start relying on myself more, and so I gradually didn’t ask for a lot of help in the second year as i did in my first from her so i didn’t depend on her help as much as before. comes third year and I collaborated with her group of friends for quizzes as they are weighted. At first all was good and I wasn’t really asking her much questions (i only asked like one question this year). but we were doing 2 courses together where one course only had 2 of us doing a group project, and the second course involves 4 members including me and her. Doing the group project with only the two of us was the start of the end. there are 2 parts to this project, and she knew she is the better one at coding and would assign more parts to herself, but i was okay with it since i would handle the report part — i also did my part on the coding part. But we stared the assignment late though i told her i wanted to start early as i had plans on the weekend (Sunday was the deadline and i started messaging her on tuesday). She told me she had her own personal assignments to do and i respected her schedule and she delayed till thursday to finish her personal stuff, and since i was working on the report, i have to know the finished code too — i can’t start if she doesn’t start. I attempted my coding part and sent her the code on friday night and she only replied saturday afternoon, and i have plans on saturday which i already told her i have on thursday night to which she replied ok, and told me to work on what i can. She didn’t bother to check the code i sent her the entire night or next morning and only asked me bunch of questions on my code when i was outside and I don’t have access to it. I felt like she was being intrusive by calling me when she knew i was outside and make it seemed like rushing the assignment was my fault. The next morning, she was spamming me with questions and asking me the report situation when I already sent her the link a few days back. I didn’t reply immediately as I was still doing the report and was too angry to reply. She then sent me a message with a rude tone saying like if i don’t care about the project then just say it, and that she could do it herself. At this point, I knew she just doesn’t respect me as a person despite me doing whatever in my power with the assignment, and doesn’t respect my schedule despite knowing i had plans. I didn’t reply anything rude back as we still had to do a presentation together and didn’t want ti be awkward. But i was already very bothered by her attitude at me and how she treats me whenever she’s unhappy about something. But i’m sure that is not how one should treat antoher whenever one is unhappy. I then confronted her about her not being able to respect my schedule, and her rude tone, but she sent me a long message blaming me that she had to do all the parts and that we should have equal responsibilities in the assignment, and then sent another message apologizing to me if she had offended me. which i find that her apology wasn’t sincere because most of the message was her telling me about how much work she had to do instead of acknowledging the work I had done and thinking she did all the work, and only apologized in one sentence. I was fuming mad at this point and didn’t accept her apology. What i didn’t expect her to do next was that she told our mutual friend that she was sad about it that i didnt accept her apology — which was a disgusting move. i know She isnt sad about it because in our second group project group chat, the way she indirectly said something rude to me was obvious to me and she knows what she was doing. I made some changes to our second group project report and notified the group but no one acknowledged that message. and few days later, she messaged the group chat with “this is not supposed to be here right” and when another person replied “i think so”, she replied “right?”, followed by “who did this” “ugh”, “can someone change it?, nvm i’ll do it”. At this point she was already being disrespectful doing that in the group project indirectly at me and she knows i did it. And what’s worse that isn’t the end of my torture. We had a final presentation slides to do, and I did my part in a way that she thinks is wrong which i don’t mind but, the way she told me was “this is not what you should be writing”, “you should know what you’re doing for your own part” and stuff like that. And i’m pretty sure you can tell by her condescending tone that i was already so bothered by her attitude towards me. I cut her off completely after course ended, but my mental state has been the worst. I couldn’t even focus on my exams as all that was on my mind was how she treated me and how unfair i felt that she was treating me this rude while treating our mutual so nicely. the course ended in may, and it’s july now. Every single day i am being tormented by the thought of her, and how condescending she was to me and i was just there for her to feel better about herself since she knows she better at coding that me, basically how small and stupid i felt because of her. Although i’m grateful to her being helpful to me a few years back, i feel like things have changed and she’s not treating me as an equal, and disrespecting me as an individual which im mad about with myself for letting her make me feel this way. I don’t know how to forgive her or myself about this whole situation, because it’s always on my mind. What’s bothering me still is that we still be doing the same degree for another 1.5 years and i feel like i’m walking on eggshells if i ever bump into her in sch one day. She makes me feel like i’m the one who did her wrong when she was the one being unnecessarily rude to me and not being self aware about the way she talks to me. I really can’t deal with the thought of her because it’s make me feel so angry and unfair and It’s destroying me inside out, it’s destroying my mental peace, and it’s destroying my uni life. I even hate the fact that i gave her the power to make me feel like *** for weeks now. I need help to get over this unsettling situation because I really need to regain my mental peace, because its not mentally healthy for me. I really need help so if anyone has any input i’m all ears. I sincerely thank you if you have read everything and i know i’m bad at telling stories but I have tried my best to express my situation and feelings. I really need help with how to make peace with myself. Everytime i think about her and the situation, I would remind myself that I should focus on myself and what happens to her isn’t my business whether she’s doing good or bad in school. It’s just unfair that she gets to treat me like this and she gets to tell my friends that she’s the victim and i’m the bad person for not wanting to reconcile or accept her apology. I need help please :( Thank you so much for reading again!!! :)

talk some sense to me

Depression Support / by FrozenRob0t

September 13th, 2022

...See more Im in my second year of university, and i’m honestly not coping well at all. Im currently abroad alone but even if i were studying at home, it would be still as depressing or worse. I am used to the fact that I can’t rely on my parents for me emotional well-being or anything related - my dad himself keeps reminding me of his sickness and how he isn’t going to live long enough to support the family anymore, and I don’t wanna stress my mom with any more problems - and even if i do tell about my problems there’s nothing she can actually say or do to help. School wise, I really want to quit or change my degree - i have been struggling so so hard and ended up relying on a friend non stop, as much as I feel terrible and incredibly bad for asking for her help everytime, i’m always twice as scared of failing my course because i would be wasting precious money to retake a course just because I failed and didn’t ask for help. I’ve been stuck in this since uni first started. every night, every single night subconsciously i would just think what if i had chosen a different path i wouldn’t have to feel this depressed , i wouldn’t have to feel this pathetic, hopeless and helpless. I have always dreamt of being independent and knowing what shit I am going to do, dreamt of being confident person without relying much help from anyone because i really do not want to ask for help anymore. The only reason why I asked for help would just be because of the thought of wasting money to redo a course. Just a moment ago, she messaged me saying she felt used because she kept helping me and didn’t receive help from me. Although I did help her sometimes, I bet she felt like those small things were nothing compared to how much she helped me. As much as I am grateful for her, I wished I never met her because then I would have so desperately relied on myself even if it meant me crying every time I encounter a problem bc that would mean i’m not relying on anyone. But i’m always contradicting myself despite the thoughts i have inside. I hate myself so much. I hate this version of me right now. I hate this feeling whenever someone tells me i’m the reason they feel hurt and used. It was never my intention to It was really not my intention to. but what was I supposed to do. I literally have no one who can comprehend what’s going on in my head right now, i have talked to my closest friends and ranted to them some time back but most of the time, the feeling of this guilt, helplessness and hopelessness just doesn’t go away, I just felt the same because my problems don’t go away even if i talk about it. So what if it feel better ranting it out, my problems don’t go away, they stay and I just feel the same as before, hopeless. A Common phrase to comfort someone is that “ it’s okay u tried your best”, “it’s okay because u tried your best” but i don’t even deserve to hear those words because deep down I somehow know I didn’t do my best. Nothing i achieved was done w the best of my ability, i couldn’t bring myself to do my best because i couldn’t find meaning in doing my best. I would just feel more exhausted and tired than before. The results wouldn’t give me much happiness (even temporary) anyway. The only thing comforting me right now is the fact that I’m not going to live for a long time, I’m going to leave everyone someday and then i am able to finally take a break because i’m slowly finding there’s no purpose in continuing living this life. right now i’m just so so so tired and exhausted of trying. i despise myself for feeling this shit. I despise myself for making people tell me that they feel used because i kept asking for help. I despise myself so much I can’t wait to leave. I don’t even have the money to see a therapist and because one it costs money, second my parents would have to know and pay fees which makes me feel even more guilty and thirdly i am already so close to reaching my limit. A part of me wished i could do better than this and stand up and continue doing my shit and complete my degree but a part of me just wants to rest and have a break from it all. I’m just so confused and tired.

insecurities, lack self confidence :/

Anxiety Support / by FrozenRob0t

August 29th, 2022

constant regrets, guilt, i dont know

Depression Support / by FrozenRob0t

September 9th, 2021

...See more tbh, i don’t even know how to start. I just turned 19 but i’m already feeling at a total loss and i’m really really tired of living. I have social anxiety, i have all sorts of stupid thoughts i have inside my head every day, i second guess my decisions everything, i feel guilty about things that i have no control of doing, i really just want to stop thinking. Now it’s just my semester break but i just want to run away from my college life that just started this year. I just want to quit living. i’m sick and tired of how I’m living, and sick and tired of thinking how I would survive in the adult world in the future. It’s tiring to keep thinking and believing that there would be eventually one day when i’ll start looking forward to living but as days goes by, the more unhappy i become when i’m not distracting myself. I have family issues since i was young so I got used to it but it sure changed my perspective on love and marriage, and just a year back , i experienced a friendship break and it really sucked the life out of me. I was having trouble sleeping, I relied on playing music so that I don’t hear my thoughts but the loud music i was playing. And just this year, my life is just really falling apart and going downhill. The occurrence of my depression episodes increases but i relied on my distractions but i just can’t get everything out of my head and my chest feels so so heavy I just hate to continue suffering like this. And I keep doing stuffs that I knew I would regret doing, It wasn’t my intention to but i was mean to my friends on impulse and then apologized hours later. I just wish i could stop myself from losing control I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me I don’t even know if there’s anything that can unease the heaviness i feel everyday. I just feel so embarrassed that I’m me like i don’t want to exist. I want to stop i want all these to stop. 😪 I just wish theres a legal way of dying without pain and it wouldn’t be tragic because i would then be able to rest in peace right ? What’s the point of living while expecting or wishing for something great to happen in the future when the cost of it is to suffer now. At this point i just want to quit being social and all so i wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone. but as of now, theres really nothing i can do about all these, my family isn’t really that accepting of the idea of depression so no one in my family knows how i have these kind of thoughts everyday and they wouldn’t be comfortable talking about this so here i am releasing my thoughts on this forum… i just really wished i wasn’t born as me you know? i just really hate my personality somehow… i hate how my mind works.. everything about me. I feel so sorry about myself because it’s literally so pathetic that I’m living like this despite living a privileged life. I’m not sure i want to live this life till the very end. anyways, if you happen to read this, i’m really grateful that you did and i hope you have a really nice day :) i’m sorry if it sounds confusing my thoughts are just everywhere.

Everything

Anxiety Support / by FrozenRob0t

August 28th, 2021

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