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Fluffymonster101
16,222 M Progress Road 3
PathStep 24 Compassion hearts4,361 Forum posts60 Forum upvotes81 Current upvotes81 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 5, 2024
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Eating disorder caused by depression?
Eating Disorder Support / by Fluffymonster101
Last post
 February 10th
...See more Hello, not sure if in the right place but.. it’s been 5h since I woke up and had nothing to eat. The day before I ate what a normal person would eat at breakfast, throughout the hole day. Day before yesterday same and so on. I am depressed for many years, so I struggle with this for a while. Usually it comes in phases. A period of time I eat normally, then relapse and so on. This cycle takes about a month. This time I relapsed and never bounced back. It’s been 6 months or so. I am underweight and in a period of 6 years, I managed to gain back all I lost only once. Then something bad happened and I lost it again. I feel like it’s going from worst to terrible. I feel anxiety towards the fact that I am too skinny, I don’t like being seen anymore and over the years I got from being out all the time to not wanting to go out even to buy bred. Not eating always differ. Sometimes I feel hungry and want to eat but can’t. Or I cook but then don’t eat because I don’t like it. Other times I feel hungry but I just dont eat. I have to plan ahead in my head what I’d like to eat or think I’d be able to eat and it doesn’t always work. I found that blending everything into a smoothie makes it easier, I don’t have to chew and think about it, just pour it down the throat while gaging cuz my mind says yes you have to but then the body says nope and it’s hard to swallow. The thought of having to think about food, preparing, cooking or eating sometimes makes me anxious. I am obsessed with gaining weight but can,t/won’t eat. I wish I could just be without having to eat, or find some way to feed myself without actually eating. Does it make any sense? Because I barely eat, I never have energy for anything really. Sometimes I wish to do this or that but feel so anemic. I am always hungry even after a full meal. I am in a vicious circle, if my body isn’t fed, my brain is not good either so my mind is always in a bad place.  I would like to understand what and why. Why do I knowingly starve myself and feel bad about it, yet can’t find a way out. And what is this. Is it a food disorder I didn’t find info about yet, is it depression, insanity… 🥺
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