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FluffyBakedPotato
2 1,327 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 32 Compassion hearts94 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes53 Current upvotes53 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 6, 2024
Recent forum posts
I'm not suicidal but..
Depression Support / by FluffyBakedPotato
Last post
 20 hours ago
...See more I am no longer contemplating suicide, but I find myself indulging in fantasies about death. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Traumatic experiences during my childhood have left me feeling distinctly different, longing for a sense of normalcy. I wish I were an optimist, cheerful, and charismatic like my sister (the favorite one). Regrettably, my constant overthinking and hyper vigilance have hindered this. Now, as I journey towards healing, the once blurred memories are becoming increasingly vivid, and I am remembering things that my brain had previously shielded me from. In the midst of my healing journey, I find myself caught between overwhelming emotions and profound numbness. I no longer know how to feel or if I can even improve. I long for the time when my life was on autopilot, and I felt detached from my emotions. I sometimes imagine death as an escape from my pain and suffering, yet, I am not suicidal. I am simply exhausted with this ongoing struggle. I just yearn to return to that dull, numb state once more. Nothing seems to make sense anymore.
Just Ranting
Family & Caregivers / by FluffyBakedPotato
Last post
 September 16th
...See more I wish I'm meh about it coz it's just so dumb but.. I'm hurt! I always put my mom first in almost every thoughts and decisions, especially after my dad passed away a year ago. I've postponed/cancelled plans (with others especially when shes sick), suppressed my emotions/grief, and plans things for her (things she enjoys doing but I don't) just to put her needs and feelings first. But unfortunately, I just felt like she don't appreciate any of my efforts. This week, she caught a bug and is unwell. So, ensure that she have water, her favourite tea and, her comfort food near her bed at all time. Remind her to eat her medications, etc. But I just feel she don't appreciate any of it. No "thank you" or anything. Especially today, I've made breakfast despite having a sprained ankle. She just said, "I'll just eat some biscuits, maybe later".. It was on the dining table till late afternoon, untouched. So, I ate it. When my brother made her eggs with toast a while ago, she ate it. It's not the first time. I've always take care of her when she's sick, and ensure she's not lonely, etc. but.. (shrug) yea. I was there by her side when she was grieving (dad's passing), none of other siblings was there but it seems like she appreciate them more than me. I know I shouldn't expect anything when I do something for someone.. but it hurts. It hurts when you do so much but not being appreciated. Sigh.. I don't know.. maybe I'm just too emotional for nothing..
Just Numb
Depression Support / by FluffyBakedPotato
Last post
 August 21st
...See more I've been feeling "fine" and just in auto pilot after having a major meltdown about a month ago. I don't feel stressed, anxious, depressed anymore. I just don't feel. I feel nothing. Just numb. Empty. Alone. Even my thoughts decided to leave me this time. No thoughts, no feelings. Nothing. When I'm out and about, I put on a mask and pretend to be someone. Someone happy. Someone who got everything together. Someone who feel. But when I'm back at home, back to emptiness, numbnes, and nothingness. Today, on a weak attempt of feeling something, I took the scissors and went straight to the mirror. *snap* I guess, I decided to cut my hair. Shorter and shorter. I kept cutting. Still nothing. Sigh.. fine! At least I tried..
Falling Apart
7 Cups Online Therapy / by FluffyBakedPotato
Last post
 August 7th
...See more I have been struggling with my mental health since young, probably 8/9 years old. I always felt alone and always try to manage my struggles on my own. I've learned to cope with things/traumas/mental health with both healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms but lately.. nothing works. I'm not suicidal but I am just sooo numb, yet in so much pain (emotionally and mentally). I just don't know anymore.
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