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FicaR94
868 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 86 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts57 Forum upvotes41 Current upvotes41 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2020 Member sinceJanuary 20, 2017
Bio
Life had sent me a funnel, and thinking it would lead into an elixir of happiness I jumped in it, but actually it was an atrocious tornado which suddenly took me away, mutilated me awfully and then threw me out at the battlefield, where I've constantly been wounded and as soon as the pain would start fading away, I'd hear new shots and soon the wounds area would grow...

Or, in other words: Like a pinball arcade life spreads its arms. I go towards them, but it moves them away...I end up in hole like the ball, and the tokens are too expensive for me to buy some more...
Recent forum posts
Getting worse and worse both physically and mentally...
Disability Support / by FicaR94
Last post
 December 5th, 2020
...See more I feel horrible physically and very depressed since deterioration, here's my situation in short because I can't write longer due to extreme brain fog. I have severe ME. I'm not entirely on my own as I have great support in these groups and a few ME people with whom I chat, but it's close to it and close to impossible to carry on, because in real life I'm the only one who is researching this illness and ways to get better, my closest family and friends are trying to support and be kind, but they have many (health) problems themselves or don't understand English to research, and I started with that mostly recently, when I got severe, so I can do very limited amounts of it plus my state isn't improving at all, I have some better days, and I don't even overdo activities on them anymore, and still I crash hard, I can even say my state is deteriorating; maybe I have something additional to ME, but I can't do many tests where I live, all the doctors (except my new therapist) are uninterested in ME, and I don't have money to go elsewhere for those tests and new doctors. I also wanted to try with keto-paleo diet as the last option - as dr Myhill advised, but I feel unready for it because of such a low variety of allowed foods, especially where I live (and food is very important to me, as only it and music bring me joy on my bad days, which are the majority lately), and also because I would feel even worse while in ketosis, but I'm already barely holding on. And I got very depressed, so much that today I couldn't even listen to music or write to anyone because depressed mood further weakened my disability. So what do you suggest?
Getting worse and worse both physically and mentally
Depression Support / by FicaR94
Last post
 September 9th, 2020
...See more I feel horrible physically and very depressed since deterioration, here's my situation in short because I can't write longer due to extreme brain fog. I have severe ME. I'm not entirely on my own as I have great support in these groups and a few ME people with whom I chat, but it's close to it and close to impossible to carry on, because in real life I'm the only one who is researching this illness and ways to get better, my closest family and friends are trying to support and be kind, but they have many (health) problems themselves or don't understand English to research, and I started with that mostly recently, when I got severe, so I can do very limited amounts of it plus my state isn't improving at all, I have some better days, and I don't even overdo activities on them anymore, and still I crash hard, I can even say my state is deteriorating; maybe I have something additional to ME, but I can't do many tests where I live, all the doctors (except my new therapist) are uninterested in ME, and I don't have money to go elsewhere for those tests and new doctors. I also wanted to try with keto-paleo diet as the last option - as dr Myhill advised, but I feel unready for it because of such a low variety of allowed foods, especially where I live (and food is very important to me, as only it and music bring me joy on my bad days, which are the majority lately), and also because I would feel even worse while in ketosis, but I'm already barely holding on. And I got very depressed, so much that today I couldn't even listen to music or write to anyone because depressed mood further weakened my disability. So what do you suggest?
(Un) happiness
Depression Support / by FicaR94
Last post
 August 9th, 2020
...See more Will I ever be happy? Does anyone in this world need me? Happiness is not my friend, so I often don't have it, I wonder - why so after all? I feel like a rag that bothers everyone, like dust disappearing with a gust of wind, they all disappeared, I was left alone, my day passes in the room next to the music beats...I don't want bad thoughts, but I think that way, my head is excruciating, my soul is sopping, I wonder why I live, where are my people, why I wake up, why I even try at all, like I'm alone on a planet - that's how I feel, never screwed up others but screwed up so many times, so I wonder if I know who I am anyway, or my life is just a lie and an illusion ... Music is my only real salvation when there is no one beside me to hear his voice, thoughts wander to the other side at least for a moment, I describe believing people as a flaw, there are very few people who stand by me sincerely, that's why my life is constantly changing colors, tears wet my face more and more often, so I wake up at night and I can't sleep... Where are you happiness? Can you see me? Come back sometimes, don't be ashamed, I will wait for you to come into my life, stop by sometime if you pass nearby...Cover this sorrow that never leaves me, give me back hope that tomorrow will be better! This way my heart won't be beating for much longer, WHERE ARE THOSE RIGHT PEOPLE NOW WHEN I'M BREAKING DOWN?!
How can I become more patient to get better when the recovery is going slower than Serbian trains?
Anxiety Support / by FicaR94
Last post
 January 5th, 2018
...See more How can I become more patient, when it seems like I'm standing still and whenever a few better days come I fall back down for much more days?
How can one become more patient when he feels bad almost all the time?
Depression Support / by FicaR94
Last post
 December 6th, 2017
...See more It's easy to be patient when you feel good, but how can we increase patience to get better when we feel ill almost the whole time?
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