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FantasiaSweetShock
12,379 M Pacing Forward 7
PathStep 693 Compassion hearts180 Forum posts1,502 Forum upvotes983 Current upvotes983 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2018 Member sinceApril 21, 2016
Bio
Hi, I'm FantasiaSweetShock (my real name is way too unique to post on here). I joined 7cups a year ago when I was heavily struggling with my depression/anxiety. My depression/anxiety pop up now and again so there are moments where I am fine but other moments where I'm not (especially when related to stress). I am college senior majoring in biology, minoring in neuroscience, and getting a teaching certification to teach science to 7th-12th graders. I'm currently applying to dental school, which is extremely stressful and honestly a bit terrifying. I really love to read, do yoga, bake and cook, hang out with my friends and sister, and watch TV/movies.
Recent forum posts
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Looking for Long Term Listener
General Support / by FantasiaSweetShock
Last post
 July 17th, 2017
...See more So I think I did this before but because my life has loads of ups and downs and the last several months have been just a downward spiral...I'm seeking a longterm listener. Who I am: Recent college graduate who has faced setbacks academically/career wise in the last year and will be starting a masters program in the fall. Has been struggling with depression and anxiety for several years but has been professionally diagnosed for only 1.5 years. The depression and anxiety flip-flop with each other- usually in times of high stress I'm more anxious, and times of low stress I'm depressed. I have been seeing a psychaitrist (though I had to switch psychaitrists due to my original one moving offices) and during the school year I try to go to a therapist that the school provides. However, the problem with this is the fact that these are all scheduled visits-which means I could be perfectly fine when the visit happens but absolutely miserable between the visits. My family and friends to say the least are kind of the worst when it comes to empathy and mental health issues, so my feelings of isolation are pretty extreme right now. I also struggle with issues of self-worth/self-esteem, along with suicidal ideation (never actually carried it out but for the last 14 years it has been a constant struggle). What I need: Someone who is ACTUALLY A GOOD LISTENER...I've struggled with listeners in the past because for the most part a lot of them were not a good fit for me. I really loathe overly positive people, those who rush to conclusions, and generic platitudes because it just sounds like you're being lazy and not listening and just doing this job to pat yourself on the back. I know that theoretically there is the whole advanced search option but it makes me kind of feel awkward tbh (I don't know why but it just does). make pretty wordy messages (as you can tell based on the size of this post) and have a cynical sense of humor. I cuss a lot...probably won't do it at you but just about life and other people. I'm from the U.S. and live under the Central Standard Time zone so ideally someone from that region is a plus (and obviously speaks English). So that's pretty much it, for now...hopefully this thread finds me someone who is good because I'm running out of options.
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When you see someone from your past that was the start of your depression
Depression Support / by FantasiaSweetShock
Last post
 October 9th, 2016
...See more So this is kind of a long story and I'm not entirely sure if I should be posting it here or in another forum but let's see if anyone else can help me sort out my feelings: When I was young (elementary school age) I was bullied a lot...and by a lot I mean every day from ages 4-9. It was never anything physical but it was more emotional, manipulative, and verbal bullying and back then that wasn't actually considered "real" bullying. It also didn't help that the girls who bullied me were my supposed "friends" who made it their job to crush my self esteem to a point that at 9 years old I wanted to commit suicide. And despite reaching that breaking point, everyone thought that it was my fault or that I deserved it and I was the troublesome kid (minus I guess my mom who was the only person who understood that those girls were freaking lying psychopaths), because they were smaller and tinier than I was (thank you massive growth spurt that to this day I feel insecure about my slightly above average height) and better at lying. Despite moving at the age of 10 to a new state, my depression, anxiety, and feelings of sucide ideation followed me until I finally got help this year and started medication at 22 years old. That's a really long time to screw someone up in the head and make them feel worthless. So why do I bring it up now? Well, today I'm doing better-my life is full of friends, family, school, work, extracurriculars, and a lot of stress but nothing that I can't handle (maybe...). So today my dad brought out the old family album to show my sister what I looked like when I was her age and you know those class pictures which has everyones names and faces on it? Well I saw the girls who tormented me. And naturally because I became curious-I looked them up online. So I saw their Facebooks, Instagrams, Twitter profiles, etc and they are doing perfectly fine in their life. They are pretty, popular, and driven which I guess bothered me for a reason. I mean while I do have friends and other wonderful things in life, I guess it bothered me that they were in a good space too despite screwing up my life so much. And while I am a really down to earth person- or at least I try my very best to be, these girls are like showing off everything and getting so much positive attention for it. It's not that I'm jealous or anything its just that I feel bad about myself again for a reason....and I'm trying to sort out my feelings but I don't know why
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Seeking A Long Term Listener
General Support / by FantasiaSweetShock
Last post
 October 5th, 2016
...See more So I'm looking for a female long term listener who is available usually anywhere after 7 pm - 1 am US CST. Most of my issues are related to anxiety/panic attacks and depression, along with college/work stress, low self esteem, and the occasional family or friend problems (so yeah I'm loads of fun). I'm looking for a listener who I can actually connect to and is nonjudgmental and empathetic. I've been on this site for a couple of weeks now and for the most part I was disappointed in the listeners I have received (from inappropriate comments, to snap judgements, to lack of response, I only really had 1 out of like 8 that was decent). I'm hoping that posting this classified might help. Okay so a little about myself-I'm currently a college student applying for graduate school and this next year will be super stressful for me. I have been diagnosed with Depression and GAD and I do go to my therapist at the counseling center every two weeks and I will be seeing a psychiatrist at the end of the month to potentially give me medication. My parents and some friends do know about this but do have trouble truly understanding (they say things that are utterly unhelpful).
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Antisocial For No Reason
Depression Support / by FantasiaSweetShock
Last post
 May 11th, 2016
...See more Have you ever had a moment where you are surrounded by your friends and they are all having a good time and trying to include you, but all you want to do is sit in a corner and not talk to anyone? It happened to me just recently and I'm trying to figure out why I became so reclusive at this party for no reason. Especially since the party was to partially celebrate me and the end of the semester and all that I've been through. If anything, it actually made me feel more uneasy about myself (I was actually very happy beforehand, until they surprised me). I feel like such a brat but the entire time I just wanted to crawl back in bed...
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Light-Skinned POC Problems
Young People of Color / by FantasiaSweetShock
Last post
 May 10th, 2016
...See more So for all my life I've struggled with the fact that due to my skin tone, I never really 'looked' like my ethnicity (I'm south Asian, if that helps). I've been called anything and everything under the sun-Italian, Latina, Greek, half-black, half-white, middle eastern, etc. And whenever I clarified my ethnicity-people either didn't believe me or gave a quick facial expression that seemed to represent disappointment and people seemed less interested in me after the fact. Which always sucked... Now within my cultural background there colorism is a factor when it comes to beauty (I never agreed with it because I believe all skin colors are beautiful), especially with older generations. I always felt uncomfortable when people mentioned my paler skin tone in appreciation, because I thought it was an archaic way to view beauty and more importantly it felt that it further divided me between other girls in my ethnicity (I honestly have no friends from my own ethnicity, though I do outside of my culture but within my race). I know that it sucks more for darker girls out there, but us lighter girls still have struggles too.
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