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EverythingUnderTheMoon
2,336 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 29 Compassion hearts81 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes35 Current upvotes35 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2016 Member sinceOctober 1, 2015
Bio
Hi, you can call me Ace, or Clara, whichever you prefer. I'm trying to get through life right now, which is surprisingly hard...anybody that wants to be a friend, can definitely be one. <3
Recent forum posts
Has Bullying Caused PTSD?
Trauma Support / by EverythingUnderTheMoon
Last post
 December 5th, 2015
...See more When I was 13 I met a girl. Very sweet, charming, and funny, and it didn't take long for me to get attached to her. I was at a low point in my life. I was depressed and I had already developed severe separation anxiety as a result of so many leaving me. It didn't take long for the abuse to start, manifesting itself as physical at first, and turning into a hell I can hardly describe. Throat punching, name calling, emotional unavailablity, and finally a concussion. I couldn't escape the abuse. Every time that I told her to stop she turned herself into the victim, had no emotions, hardly ever cried. A year ago it started getting worse. It was already pretty bad, but she took the emotional and verbal abuse to new levels. She started telling me a whole array of different things and when I came crying to her for help she told me that she didn't understand and that I was being melodramatic. I was so attached to her though, so desperate for friendship, that I couldn't get away. It took her exploding in my face for me to finally break down and try to get away. I screamed a lot during those weeks. Christmas was filled with tears. Loneliness. And a hospital trip soon after where they told me I had a Tourette's like condition. People started insulting me. Laughing at me. Demeaning me. I started forcing myself to throw up in the back room, and often times locked myself in the office to try to calm myself down. I would have flashbacks and hear all the insults in my head. I started getting nightmares. Rage attacks. All of which I still have, flipping things over, shouting, crying. I didn't know what happened to me, but it didn't take long for me to start mistrusting people. Anyone that showed any form of aggression towards me became a living manifestation of a nightmare, and I would shout at them and try to get away. I would dwell on how long it would take before they started throat punching me too. Before they started hurting me too, and so I avoid a lot of the things that I actually want to do in life. And yet, my therapist tells me that it isn't PTSD. I'm very confused. I've taken self tests and they've all told me to talk to a therapist to get an evaluation. I know that compared to all the other things on this Forum are so much more awful than mine, but I need to know if this is just anxiety, or if its morphing into something else. Please no harassment or anything. I'm just confused and lost and afraid and...don't know what else to do. Thank you. -EverythingUnderTheMoon
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