ErraticThoughtsBlueVibes Member Profile

...See more Hi. So my bf of over a year is a combat veteran. Because of this he has ptsd and a tbi (traumatic brain injury). He was a little fucked up before he went over seas but became more so since he came back to civilian life. He's not as bad as he used to be years ago but there is still some lingering, unattended issues. i've been trying to make things better, deal with his terrible words that comes out. he's finally seeing a therapist but that's a long process. he is constantly accusing me of cheating, somestimes as a 'joke' but other times he means it. putting 'coincidences' together and seeing things more than they really are. i would never cheat on him and i pratically stay home all the time to prevent that from happening. but he always finds something. the only time we're apart is if he's at work. i sometimes just leave the basement we live in (at his mothers...i used to have an apartment...but...well...just a bunch of broken promises that i wont get in to right now) just to get out and have a breather, drive with my dog with a half-asses destination like the cafe but mainly i don't mind driving around listlessly. if he finds this out, im automatically cheating on him. here's the kicker, he sees nothing wrong with him being friends with his ex girlfriends and previous women he had slept with but if i so much as look at another guy for a second or utter any word to them I'm flirting. we dont have sex like we did at the beginning. the roles are reversed in that aspect (women not active, men are vs women active, men arent). we barely have sex and when we do it's for him to get off; 2 minutes (if that) of me laying facedown on my belly with him behind. once in a red blood moon would he have me on my back but it's either because i beg for it (most of the time im shot down, ive even suggested me on top). he says he likes my butt and cant make eye contact. (the first month we were together, different story) So i'm left laying on the bed, not even a smidge of after care, in need of him even more, missing that connection, and not feeling attractive. he says i am but seems to find me sexy when im choring or cooking. he says im pretty/beautiful but i feel like it's not truly sincere. only says it between gaming breaks or watching videos on youtube. i'm sure he said it other times but those are the times i remember. today i was on his phone playing all the games my phone cannot handle (samsung J7 vx Apple newer model). i went to look something up and noticed that he watched porn (i get it its normal but not really when i'm ready to bone at any given moment...i find him sexy and he smells and feels good and perfect always) and as it turns out he was also looking at his volumptuous ex-girlfriend's instamodel page. so... yea... don't know what else to say. i don't have any friends. closest one i have is his sister... i can't leave him but part of me wants to when he's being a tyrant and sexually neglecting me (we do cuddle on the couch but not so much lately...he's been playing a lot of video games ... recently some boring game called Space Engineers)

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