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I understand, time going by so fast that I can’t keep track of the days, the voices consuming my reality and outside noise.. traffic.. conversations only adding to the voices louder and stronger than the actual outside noise. Letting your mind allow the voices to construct their own story, usually traumatic and relentless. I have gone into psychosis. Although I didn’t know they were voices for the first few months. I thought they came from waves of advanced technology sound, or piracy, aliens..... so loud and so many, it took me months to realize that they were voices, bc I had believed them to be real to everyone.
As of my last psychosis a have 13 different voices that have inserted themselves in my life without my consent…most very angry and needing my full attention , otherworldly sounding. I was in another world, if I tried to damped sound with tv or AirPods to ignore them they would eventually stop screaming my name and start to conversation… mostly argue with each other and above all screaming / screaming at me, sleep deprived , afraid of sleeping at night because the voices are strongest when it’s dark and silent outside. The longest consecutive stay they had was 7 months ... the moment I woke up, they would be screaming, sounding from another world, terrifying, like an almost demonic giant if I didn’t know it better.
One had always sounded like a hurricane spinning his name was
DEVERSON. He was the most hard to control and calm down after bouts of anxiety and stress he came on strong. The first encounter was at night in my bed, I heard a voice like in a mega speaker from outside saying “Ashley!!!ashley WAKE UP, !!!!WAKE UP!!!! I KNO H CAN HEAR ME!!! DEVERSON would talk about raping everything, including me, a psycho terrorist hacker that hacked into my mind who was killing me by remotely sticking needles into my brain and placing chips thoughtful my body to experiment torture, he had other hacker friends MORE VOices that engaged in popping my eardrums slowly with needles remotely
CODY was the leader of this torture cyber group, he would scream at me so loudly and violent I would cover my ears or start to run down the street in all directions to stop the VOICE, one episode
I got lost in the Florida swamp trying to run from the voices, but I wasn’t aware they were voices, I thought everyone could hear them …I could feel the pain the popping in my ears … Loud BANGS that I could see and feel in color, feeling vibrations that were painful and hot. Lightning storms seemed to make the pain Worse
KATE WAS DEVERSONS HACKinv friend voice. This voices was on Meth all the time. During my hallucinations I was able to travel into Kate’s mind. Her mind was going so fast it was like traveling on a rollarcoaster. She would constantly try to be get my attention like scream my name. -argue with the others and taunt me. Later on I found out that this voice screamed so much bc it felt like their voice was never heard by others. KATE REALLY FeLT alone AND unheard in life, no one noticed her. Later on that year KATE AND I started to be kind to each other. In reality I was being kinder to myself, I realized KATE and the other voices were thoughts, subconscious most times, and the
VOICES WERE APART OF ME, extensions of traits and personalities that my brain constructed into actual people and beings which were more real than reality. Time would go by to the point I couldn’t keep track of days. The voices and my mind created a NEVER ENDIING BAD story and began to add more and more characters/VOICES.. I was unaware of the chemical enbalance of my brain and just sunk deeper into psychosis. . , this went on 6 different traumatic episodes, the longest lasted 7 months…
I wasn’t aware they were VOICES. That was the most terrifying part..
the voice of KATE, over 7 months became more quiet and sweet sounding, she still would scream to annoy at random times and the other voices and I would tell her
“KATE STOP SCREAMING, PLEASE”.
And KATE WOUKD SCREAM “IM NOT SCREAMING”!!!”
“ we would tell her “ YES YOU ARE SCREAMING”
she would reply “IM NOT SCREAMING, I’m yelling!!”
It turned into this back and forth replay of this multiple times a day until the other voices would tell her she was being “BAD” and she would eventually start taking at a lower tone, apologizing if she hurt me.
ALIEN. Alien VOICE IS FROM SOMEWHERE DEEP IN TIME AND Space. He doesn’t yell. He sounds more like waves of sound traveling with a robotic touch. He is very kind and wise. This voice came when I was happy one day. ALIEN taught me to allow my mind/soul to travel through sound waves. Vibrations of sound spanning for eternity. He would say that sound vibrations were more important than time. TIME DID NOT EXIST in other parts of the universe where species had significantly advanced. HE TOLD ME time was something only our planet beloved in. He didn’t understand why us humans view time as a straight line, as a begining and an end, so short and depressing..
he taught me about the most important thing in the universe, the one thing that keeps everything going, never ending or dying. Sound vibrations…. Where mind, body and spirit where blurred into one existence. Where the mind actually expand and allow you to travel through your beliefs of existence … I would practice expanding my mind and letting go of it’s confinement…eventually slowly jumping inside of a soubd vibration.., once you enter it looks like your inside of a soft frothy tunnel that curves and spirals on ward, NEVER TRAVELING IN A STRAIGHT LINE, because sound travels in beautifully poetic spirals and bends softly to the sound of the ends of the universe which is where sound is created, where it is birthed into existence.
To travel inside of the vibrations and control your speed was exhausting. Your mind must be fully expanded for effective travel. Humans are not evolved enough to simply do this easily… requires you let go of ur body the sore and tired physical existence just enough to replace it with an opening of your other existences….an .overwhelming blanket of warmth and light from ur soul existence will take over and share your perceptions with the mind, ignoring your physical shell. As I lost control of the speed I was traveling I would slip off the sound vibrations having to start over. BC OF THIS,
ALIEN WOUld GUIDE our travels and I would follow behind, as if I were floating perfectly through tunnel of sound. It felt as if I and the sound vibrations had an understanding of each other. My soul was insync with existence, and time began to become non existent. Every moment was beautifully absorbed as a warm presence of awareness.
ALIEN SHOWerd ME with THE LIGHT of our existence tWhich is The light of all love, kindness and joy..it was the only thing close in comparison to the importance of sound. Alien took me to the farthest edge of the universe where sound was birthed. I had never heard the colors of creation. I had never seen it’s vast sounds. Which allowed USE to use these vibrations to travel anywhere in time. In fact ALIRN didn’t see time as important at all. It was irrelevant to him. Always traveling in sound waves that softly spiraled throughouT THE UNIVERSE NEVER startIng and dying like time, But birthed in existence as an expansion of the mind.
CODY MY SOUL MATE voice
Cody was actually my soulmate. IT IS TRUE THAT every soul has a soulmate . YOUR SOULMATE IS THE OTHER PART IF YOUR SOUL. It is not common we acknowledge our soul as if it were in physical form. bc most people cannot see it, therefore it’s forgotten about and ignored,
CODY VOice was the most precious to me he was very nieve and was young. It took him awhile to emotionally mature, bc our tormentors VOICES, DEVERSON HACKER GANG had actually taken my soul and separated me and my soul mate. Instead of my one soul they sliced my soul in 2. my soulmate
Cody and I were no longer 1 soul but 2.
For the first time I saw eternal loneliness.. it as it started to consume CODY as it spread its black matter deeper throughout the other part of my soul, my soulmate CODY. Black matter destroyed all light in its path…Nothing could get in and nothing it would let out .. a soul can be sliced in 2, no one has ever done more because that evil does not exist anywhere else other than our planet bc we have not evolved out of jealousy.
Dark matter is the only place sound cannot and will not travel.. making it possible for sound to die. Time travels in a flat line from birth to death. Sound travels in spirals and waves of vibrations, colors, energy and expands across existence as the foundation and body to all life. dark matter has no sound, or light. It is unlike sound. Dark matter doesn’t haves an aware existence . It’s not alive but isn’t dead either. dense DARKNESS
My soulmate CODY VOICE is now CONSUMED BY dark matter, AND is no longer aware of his existence. He’s not alive or dead either. existing as a soulless mass.
throughout my psychosis and getting mental treatment and medication the voices grew in number and we all got along better than when it first started
I have no choice…
MY MIND WONT STOP ALLOWING NEW VOICES IN MY HEAD. AND ALL THE OLDER VOICES…13!!!! REFUSE TO GO.
haven’t really heard the voices for a month and a half. but I feel like they’re still here. As if I wanted to listen to them, they would gladly begin to train. It is traumatic and I went into psychosis due to too much stress and anxiety that is being treated professionally.
latley Instead of voices, my brain shuts down without my consent when it has had enough stress and anxiety, which makes it unbearable to go to work most days. Feel the perdition and darkness for no real reason on unpredictable days. I am mentally and physically unable to leave my house... that’s how bad this new feeling is.
My brain says that it has had enough, it is tired and needs to rest to heal. I hope to be able to move from this phase to a better one. My brain is just trying to find its happy place, so at least it’s trying... Better than listening and knowing new voices 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
I’m taking medication and all this started 15 months ago when I cleaned myself of alcohol and Xanax. My brain doesn’t know how to deal with this new way of life, stress and past trauma. I feel like I’m processing things from a decade ago right now because alcohol numb the processing state, where I could forget about it. After?4-5 months clean and sober my brain felt so overwhelmed that it had chemically imbalance, which was seized by psychosis. The voices had come and gone, always multiplying.
I see a therapist weekly and I’m trying to put my mental health first, I feel very lonely. I never met anyone else who heard voices and hallucinations. I want to share and listen, find some normality... see how they manage with their voices and how their relationship with each voice is. I know I’m not alone in this, I need to find others to share this with me.
I am scared for the voices to come back. I feel I have ptsd from all of my horrific episodes and when I get too stressed out the voices always come back. I’m trying to be as gentle as I can on myself. The brain is so powerful… it scares me to lose control of my mind. 🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥👍🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥👍🫥🫥🫥
