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Dulcinea1
744 M Little Steps
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes18 Current upvotes18 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceAugust 27, 2022
Recent forum posts
Feeling stucked
Relationship Stress / by Dulcinea1
Last post
 December 17th, 2023
...See more I know my situation is of my own doing, but I need to talk to somebody. I have been struggling a lot with my health and I’m very broke. I was in a long distance relationship during covid and after that he made clear he would not go where I was so I chose to go to him. And I love him, but I’m miserable. We ended up living in the basement of his parents (I know) and his mom is relentlessly awful. I’m pretty sure she’s a narcissist. I usually do what I’m told around her to “not trigger her” which has sucked for me but a while back I missed the queue on that I guess because I “misbehaved” in front of her. I’m in the process of getting an autism assessment, because I know I don’t behave naturally the “normal” way and other diagnoses have not helped. I know I’m struggling and it shows at times, but I feel so angry that I need to be punished for that. It’s exhausting being around her, because I was given this script on how to behave and I have to do it like a job. And this is not what I want with my life at this stage. I’ve told my boyfriend I want to leave and carry on with my life and figure out my *** with my family and in my home, and he’s so angry that I want to throw all our time together to waste just because I cannot play along with his mom. But this is constant stress. I don’t have a job anymore and every day I have less and less energy to pick up the pieces of my life. I have lost the thread of who I am, and I’m afraid I’ll stay lost forever. I know my own choices led me to this place, to these folk, I’m not trying to throw blame around. I just had to say this somewhere. If anyone reads this, thank you for your patience.
Help me help my friend who’s mom is causing a lot of harm
Trauma Support / by Dulcinea1
Last post
 December 1st, 2023
...See more Hi, I’m not sure how to help my friend other than being there for him, but seeing his situation breaks me. My friend is disabled and his condition has caused a lot of difficulties for him to find his path in life. But it’s not just that. On top of it his mom is emotionally torturing him daily, and I’m so concerned for his safety. This much stress put him in the hospital years back and he was unable to leave his apartment for 3 years after that. He’s such a bright light, but he’s frail. He doesn’t has the support he needs and I feel limited in what I can do. Because he’s so sick he has had to rely on his parents for financial support. They have lots of money, but his mom treats the little money she gives him as such an imposition, and she’s constantly reminding him of how his illness has cost her in life, how she didn’t go on a trip or bought a second home because of him. He doesn’t puts boundaries with her, he is so hopeful thinking he can change her. He puts so much energy into this. But she’s over 70 and I’m not sure she will change when she’s been like this all her life. Her other son went no contact with her but my friend can’t because he needs help financially from her. I’m just so concerned. I’m probably not explaining the whole situation well but if you have experience with a toxic mom please let me know how to help. She only sees her pain and doesn’t care about the pain of her family. It’s like she wants him not to get better so he can’t leave her, but I’m so scared he’ll get severely sick again dealing with a 9-10 stress daily that he will not recover.
I don’t understand a lot of things
Autism Support / by Dulcinea1
Last post
 November 25th, 2023
...See more Hi, I’m writing here because I hope some of you might have some helpful suggestions. I struggle a lot to understand what people ado or mean or how they see me in real time. I went out today with 3 other people and I guess I stopped talking and engaging at some point during the outing, because when I came back one of them told me I had been very rude, not talking and not putting any effort to make others feel happy. But I’m not sure of what they mean. I thought I was doing good. I thought people understand I’m a little shy and don’t talk much and don’t make a lot of eye contact but apparently they just thing I’m straight up rude. I almost don’t do social stuff like this because sometimes this happens. And I don’t see it. I get home thinking “oh, that was nice” and then someone tells me I didn’t respond or was rude. I don’t want people to dislike me and they hope I will make a promise to do better next time but I don’t know if I can because I don’t realize these things are happening. I don’t want to end up alone. I don’t know how to do better
Hello
Friendship Support / by Dulcinea1
Last post
 August 2nd, 2023
...See more Hi there. Glad I found this group, first time here. I am not good at relationships. I used to think I was great at it, that I was just this obscure person that everyone interested needed to discover, and I would put little effort on my end. I was made fun of a lot growing up and I took every chance I could to make fun of others. Especially when around other people I wanted to impress without thinking that’s what I was doing. And in the end I ended up alone. I wanted to be good, kind, affectionate, but I guess I’m not. I think I’m just a bad person at heart. I usually behave like this: crippling shyness, to the point of not talking when addressed, to speak in low volume, to make myself small and to feel impressed by others, or completely alienated from them. Then if someone becomes closer, I become greedy. I ask for more favors than I give, I put on this victim act and put them in a very difficult position, to derail their day to help me or to see me suffer “as a consequence of their actions “ I am horrible, and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to be kind, but then I’m just offering too much so other people will like me, because my personality is not very attractive. I give books, do others homework, give free stuff I take from my pay at work, because I want someone to like me. Sometimes people take as much as they can then leave, or see right through my act and stay away. I act like I’m mysterious but in reality I’m just empty. Smoke and mirrors. I’ve tried to stay away from people as much as I can, but I cannot live like this. I need to interact with people in order to work and to be at home and to not feel like I don’t understand anything because I don’t talk to anyone. But it’s so hard when nobody likes me. And I know I’m not likeable. I just don’t know if I’ll be able to fix me. I just feel like running away. From everything. Just go away, don’t know in which direction. I cannot escape me.
I think my boyfriend deeply dislikes my culture
General Support / by Dulcinea1
Last post
 February 10th, 2023
...See more One more time I find myself in this situation. We’re in the car and I’m in charge of music. I usually play rock from the 80s because he likes it and me too, but sometimes I want to play Hispanic music and it’s almost like it’s not allowed. I try find music that is in the same spirit as the stuff he likes, and every time I try playing just one song he gets upset and tells me it’s unfair that he has to listen to my “comfort food music”. Even if it’s just one song in a full playlist. Today I sinc the phone and it was on a playlist I was listening on my own earlier and a nice song in Spanish starts playing and he loses it. He starts yelling and tells me all my Spanish music is s**t and those people sing like they don’t care he doesn’t understand them, like they’re mocking him or something? I try to understand why he dislikes Spanish rock, or oldies or anything I’ve tried playing. He tells me I’m selfish for choosing that music, even if it’s just one song in a whole playlist and yet we listen to the same American music over and over. Idk I feel a type of hurt with this I don’t usually experience with family and friends, only with outsiders who would mock anything they don’t know. I am Hispanic and im living in the US im just trying to reconnect from time to time with my culture. My boyfriend is American. Don’t know what to do.
Difficult choices
Depression Support / by Dulcinea1
Last post
 September 30th, 2022
...See more Today has been hard. I had to quit my job in 2020 because of the pandemic and started an Etsy store to sort of cope with the isolation and anxiety. The creative work I’ve done for that purpose has always felt like the most vulnerable part of me expressing itself, even if the pieces I make are pretty silly. For a while in between I was taking a lot of classes and put this aside, but for the last 4 months I’ve been out of school and I have no idea what am I supposed to do now. So I’ve been working again on my creative work, because it usually brings me joy. But this last month or two months I’ve tried to put it on Etsy, and Instagram, and it’s been really hard to see nobody cares about it. I feel it’s silly to take it so seriously, but it feels that is talking directly to me, that the message is that I don’t matter and that my attempts at expressing myself are a joke. today I put everything I’ve made for the last year on a garbage bag and it’s sitting there and a part of me wants to throw it all away and the other part is torn, like I don’t know who I am without it, without this silly lo hope that I could be some sort of artist. And I’m just really sad today, feeling paralyzed emotionally.
I don’t know how to make things better
Depression Support / by Dulcinea1
Last post
 September 11th, 2022
...See more I feel that I am an awful person. I have failed everyone who tried to be there for me. I burden others with my problems, and I hate myself for it. My birthday is soon and all I have to look back is a life of disappointment, of being disappointing, of tricking people into loving me when I’m really I don’t deserve to be loved. I haven’t done anything to hurt anyone it’s that I feel that I am doing a disservice to the people I love by keep on just being this thing that I am. I don’t know how to be better, to not be always so sad and feeling sorry for myself, I don’t know how to be there for others cuz I feel like a hypocrite, what can I say to people that is good when I myself am so out of grace?
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