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Dinaak
897 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts88 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceOctober 28, 2022
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Weirdest story ur going to hear plz listen
Relationship Stress / by Dinaak
Last post
 May 2nd
...See more Okay so I don’t know how to start but I will try to be as clear as possible  basically in 2018 i broke up with what was my boyfriend I loved him so much but I tried to never show it because he wasn’t a good person we dated for 6 months and I moved back to my country and we broke up and after we broke up I stayed two years getting over him I would read our old texts almost all the time and I would write in the diary to not talk to him and just pretend like I’m talking to him by writing in my diary  after him I tried to see other people but I would immediately lose interest first I would say they are the one and then immediately lose interest after a few days fastforward to 2020 I met a guy online and I think I liked the attention and it turned into a relationship and he came to visit it and I just kept getting anxious and uncomfortable around him I would say I love him when I didn’t I would do things with him when I didn’t want to and I got diagnosed with generalised anxiety after and I couldn’t leave him because he’s all I had even tho I wasn’t happy at all and after he cheated I finally had a reason to leave and I left and then I realised that it wasn’t love   a few months ago I met another guy I wasn’t interested but I was alone we went on our first day nothing about him attracted me literally nothing not his looks not anything and I told him I wanted to be friends and he said okay but he was scheming for more and everytime we brought up a relationship I would puke from the anxiety because I don’t want to repeat what happened in 2020 but we kept going and getting to know eachother and everytime I would feel pressure I would tell him I can’t do it anymore and that we need to breakup sometimes I would convienne my self that I loved him romantically and the other times I wouldn’t be able to convince myself and I would just get the worse anxiety ever it kept going on for a few months and then I noticed that he wanted to change me and then I stopped it but I still kept calling after untill I noticed he’s not interested anymore so I stopped calling  I have noticed a pattern in my self like I would try to force myself to like someone because they are “good people “ maybe because I’m scared I’m going to be alone and then I get the worse anxiety of my life and feel unhappy  and I always be little myself and tell them I’m the problem and that they should leave first maybe because I’m scared that I will hurt them  and I get overwhelmed so quickly and I would convince myself that it’s okay to be with someone I don’t love ect and  so the issue is what Is love why can’t I feel comfortable with these guys as soon as a relationship is mentioned I feel suffocated idk if it’s because they are people I’m not into or because I have a problem with relationships please help me understand if you understand message me or comment anything I would be grateful to know what’s happening with me 
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