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DauntlessDuck
993 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 93 Compassion hearts47 Forum posts77 Forum upvotes58 Current upvotes58 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2020 Member sinceNovember 22, 2015
Bio
I used to live in a home of abuse. My father was physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abusive. I struggled with eating disorders as a child. As a teen, I struggled with anorexia, depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Now that I've been out of that home for 3 years, I have reversed the effects and my previous disorders are almost gone.
I strive to press on & make a difference in my life and others and show them love and happiness.
Recent forum posts
Generalized Anxiety and New life changes
Anxiety Support / by DauntlessDuck
Last post
 August 17th, 2020
...See more I've had a lot of life changes happen recently. My boyfriend's father passed away unexpectedly, I started a new job, I was getting ready for a BIG move. I experienced the most severe panic attack and ended up in the hospital and then got diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I've just now moved into my new place and I happened to move to the same city where my abusive father is. I've been having dreams about him nearly every night and it feels like a haunting I can't shake. Nearly every day for the last 3 weeks I have felt suffocating anxiety. There were 2 days where I felt amazing and like myself again, but I'm back in that rut. My doctor prescribed me Clonazepam for panic attacks and I only take it when they're practically paralyzing so I won't get dependent on it. I used to have insomnia and an ED when I was a teenager so I'm worried about having them again because I made so much progress. That adds to my stress. I lost weight already and I'm working to gain it back. The positive things are: I've just reached out to a therapist to get professional help managing my anxiety so I can feel like myself again. I've been able to read and watch TV shows/movies again, which helps me relax. My boyfriend is going to set up a gaming system so I can game with him while he's away at college. We're also going to schedule a night each week to watch a show together so that I have another outlet to relax! This last week I've been able to participate at work more and I'm feeling more peace about my job. It's going to be a battle but as my doctor said, "[I'm] in the middle of the storm and even though [I] can't see a way out, there are others who can help [me] and [I] will get out of this storm." I gotta remind myself that I've battled and beat it before and I can do it again.
Having A Difficult Time With Friends
Relationship Stress / by DauntlessDuck
Last post
 March 8th, 2016
...See more I just really need to get this off my chest, I know this is a way for me to cope with and overcome what I'm feeling. I've been feeling irritated with my two close friends, or my "best" friends. I'm introverted, but I'm very outgoing. These two friends know I'm introverted but they perceive me as shy and timid. So, when I do something like run to the school playground or I go up to someone to talk to it takes them by surprise and they say "Well, what do you know! Elissa's not a hermit!" Now, I used to live in a home of abuse and when I came out of it I was severely depressed, I had an eating disorder, and I had really bad anxiety. Now, I just have minor PTSD and moderate anxiety with minor self-image issues. One of them makes fun of me when I flinch at sudden movements or when I make someone ask someone about something. He'll call me emotional one day and the next he'll call me emotionless. He's even been teasing me about my crush situation, asking "Are you over him yet?". This is high school, there's bound to be drama but this is irking me.I've told him to not tease me about stuff I can't help but he will still do it ocassionally. Now, my other best friend has really helped me with a lot, but I'm at the point where "I feel smothered". She can be encouraging sometimes but I always feel depressed or moody around her. I'm an optimist but she's more of a pessimist. Now, the 2nd part of my story. The guy I like and his relation to all this. I knew him first before these two friends. He is actually one of the reasons that helped me overcome my past. Even when I was struggling, he would go out of his way to make sure I was alright and tell me "Good job!". He became one of the first people I trusted and felt safe around. I had my first conversation without hiding behind my hair and stuttering over my words because of him. 5 months later, I developed a crush on him. It's been a year and a half since I have had a crush on him (my two friends think it's pathetic). My crush and I have gotten a lot closer and he has helped me overcome a lot of things, more than my two best friends have. Now, recently there was a work party at my mom's job (which my crush works at) and they all went bowling. I got to go. I don't like bowling but that experience made me love it. I actually bowled a 100. My crush basically bragged to all of our other friends about my score (which I didn't even know he knew considering he was on a different alley 3 rows down). It made me pretty happy to see how proud he was, but when I told my 2 best friends... they laughed it off. A month ago I finally told my crush I liked him. I don't know his response because I walked away right after I told him, BUT! I did see a smile. He and I are still close, it's not awkward. I just kind of wish he would say something but I'm patient. Now, what does that have to do with my 2 friends? They're not that supportive. They think it's silly. One is in a serious relationship and the other has had rocky relationships. One thinks I should quit trying and the other doesn't care to hear about it yet tells me all about her crush. They get me so confused. Out of all this, this is my conclusion. My hands don't shake around my crush. I don't feel nervous to speak my mind around him, I don't feel like throwing up. I don't get scared when he touches me on my arms or back. But, with my two friends I shake. I dread speaking my mind. I want to run away when I'm with them. It freaks me out when my male friend accidentally touches me and I don't really let my female friend give me hugs. With all my other casual friends I'm not really like this. It's just something about those two friends. And my final conclusion: I really do like this guy. I haven't felt this safe and happy in years than I do with him. I'm not going to let those two friends bring me down. Sorry about the length. I feel a lot more confident in my choice however.
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