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ChrispyTheViking656
304 M Embraced 2
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts38 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceJune 22, 2024
Recent forum posts
A letter to my ex from my ED
Relationship Stress / by ChrispyTheViking656
Last post
 July 23rd
...See more So, six months ago my ex left me, we were together for four years. I generally don't miss him, but sometimes I just think of him and how much we related, how similar our lives were and how we bonded over our similar trauma. I wrote a letter to him (I'm never going to send it, I already sent him a similar thing when we were together and it just wouldn't help either of us.) With that said I'm going to put it in here and feel better about the fact I am sharing it with somebody. Just for clarification my ex and I are both in our 30s and were together from 2019 to 2023. He actually left me on our 4 year anniversary and as distraught as I was, I felt freedom I hadn't felt in years, like taking off an ill fitting pair of shoes and I'm sure he felt similar. TW: for CSA and Eating Disorders A letter to my ex from my Eating Disorder Dear M, I'm sorry... I know I've let you down. I know you moved the goal post, constantly. There was no pleasing you. But... You get it. You knew what it was like to have the forbidden thing happen to you. And to grow up in a completely dysfunctional environment. And to have nobody believe you on top of that. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry we were hurt and we had to wear these scarlet letters, as if we were the ones who inflicted the pain we were given. I'm sorry my compassion was limited in the face of your hyper vigilance. We weren't bad people. We were trauma responses mixed together. Like two poisons. I'm sorry my poison hurt you, and I'm sorry your poison hurt me. And I'm sorry the only relief you could find was to get away from me. I wish I were a better man. I wish you could see me now. I somehow look even more like my Dad. I hope you are doing well. You deserve the peace and compassion we just couldn't give each other. I hope you meet someone who helps you safely experience the full range of the emotional human experience. I hope you find freedom in your story. I hope you are surrounded by love and friendship and I hope you are seeing your niece and you're all doing well. Goodbye.
I had a flare up (Binge ED
Eating Disorder Support / by ChrispyTheViking656
Last post
 August 5th
...See more Hey everyone. I had a really bad flare up just yesterday. I'm doing Weight Watchers and I'm almost 100 days in. I'm really proud of myself. I tend to struggle in social situations though. Especially around major holidays or in high stress areas. Usually I can just wave things off, but this week I felt like my stress was stuck in me and I binged, a lot. To the point of getting really sick. It was just yesterday and I just couldn't stop for anything. I'm back to normal again today (by normal I mean back on program, logging my food, staying kind of active.) I even managed to open up to my close friend about my struggles and it made me really happy. It gave me a sense of relief to know the rest of the world won't judge me as harshly as I've been judged in the past. I'm still feeling kind of... Surreal, shaky, like, an unpleasant tingling feeling. Or maybe nerves. IDK. Thank you for your time.
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