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ChaiTeal
569 M Embraced 4
PathStep 22 Compassion hearts54 Forum posts24 Forum upvotes18 Current upvotes18 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2024 Member sinceJuly 15, 2020
Bio

He left the 99 to rescue me 🙏🏻🤍

Recent forum posts
Feel so alone it's hurting so much
Trauma Support / by ChaiTeal
Last post
 May 3rd, 2023
...See more I'm really struggling.. I felt like everything was finally starting to go well and that I can do it on my own, I'm strong enough. But now I just feel so alone and no one cares, no one is here and it's making me feel like I'm worthless and I don't matter. Every little bit of hope I try to hold on too, something else happens to set me back that I feel like everything keeps going wrong and it's so overwhelming that hope is feeling hard to hold on too anymore. I don't even know why I'm here.. 😭
CPTSD Nightmare
Trauma Support / by ChaiTeal
Last post
 April 1st, 2023
...See more Hi. Something happened to me around 18 years ago. I don't remember the full details of the traumatic experience. I was triggered three years ago and I remembered certain details. Monday I had a nightmare that reminded me of this traumatic experience. I woke up sweating and couldn't get back to sleep afterwards. I couldn't stop thinking about the nightmare afterwards until I eventually ignored it I guess and forgot and got on with my day. My mind is constantly busy and distracted. But I was trying to relax before, and then I remembered my nightmare again. I got palpitations, shaking and breathing fast. I know that I am safe physically. I'm worried as I can't remember the details of my trauma and I wonder if my nightmare was actually me reliving it and not something my mind made up? I feel so emotional right now and worried and anxious how much my nightmare scared me. I usually feel numb to what happened as I don't remember and I don't want too as that scares me too.. Over the past few weeks before my nightmare, my anxiety has been so heightened to the point I couldn't leave my house and will have panic attacks and feeling so uncomfortable and awkward about close relationships and family members (not involved in my trauma) I just don't know if this traumatic experience has been playing on my mind but I've been so distracted I haven't noticed until I had my nightmare 😔
Hurting
Relationship Stress / by ChaiTeal
Last post
 September 29th, 2022
...See more Hi, My boyfriend of 13 years recently walked out on our relationship. I just feel like I meant nothing to him and when times got 'Too much' for him he just gave up. I've recently been trying to heal from CPTSD as I had a pretty traumatic past and got triggered badly two years ago and ended up being hospitalized from a phychotic breakdown. I even started going therapy, taking antidepressants and reaching out for whatever support I could get. In the past I'd do things just to make him happy and make him feel appreciated and valued but I didn't get that from him. He couldn't even listen to me when I tried communicating how I felt. I didn't want him to fix me, just to listen but he often said he didn't have the time, was too busy or checking work emails, walking off mid conversation.I ended up emotionally shutting down and he would get frustrated at the lack of sex but he knows my past and because of the lack of emotional intimacy I was respecting my boundaries. Now he's walked away, I just feel so hurt, like I'm not worth anything to him for him to just walk away like that. I feel I've always been supportive and listened to him and tried to help him with his issues. I know I have my issues and could probably have done more too and not isolate but I had so much anger and resentment and anxiety around him I didn't know how to manage and a lack of motivation to keep up with house work. But I still tried. Even asking him to come for walks but he didn't want that. I feel maybe it's my fault because I put my value into him and I ended up losing myself and feeling unhappy. I don't want to get back with him because I am realizing how unhealthy and toxic our relationship was and all the hurtful words he said to me and I'm learning I don't deserve that but it's hard as it hurts, I'm angry and I'm confused 😔 I can also understand that it's difficult for him too but I still feel he could have been more supportive.
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