BradZA Member Profile

...See more Well maybe this could be good start to talk about how my life is was in the 10 years I was with my GF who just gave up on us 4 weeks ago..... Well it started back when I 19 years old and started my first Job which im currently still doing...The was app back in that time called "MXIT" where it was like Watsapp ect... you had chat rooms you could chat and all meet new people.. So I met this girl name Shayna and strangly enough she invited me to come visit her and for some co incidence it was literly up the road from my work. So after work I went to visit her first time to meet. So met the family and everyone there and her, then I saw my ex "GF" Shane' (Same as Charne') for the first time in tears crying for some unknown reason. She was 14/15 when I met her. After that night I started talk to her more than her sister that I met first... She had a hard life at home with her grand parents and mother treating her badly, She has Epilepsy since she was 13 and she used to have 3 -- 7 at most in the day.. specially at school and when she was home in the evening. She used to cut her wrists to try kill her self from all the pain and life she was carrying on her shoulders... She hard time at school to catch up the work and her studies eventually her mom pulled her out of school cause she couldnt cope. This all happend in the first year I met her, and in that year I was just talking to her making her feel better about her self told her she was the most amazingly most Beautifull lady I have seen in person. We had grown so close to each other in that year. But she was in a bubble and never could express her feelings or what she felt inside or needed to say. Then one day I went to visit them family and all I told them I like your daughter and i would like to be part of her life, they said to me im to old to date her at the moment and I agreed with them because of the age difference and legal age of dating. So I told them I will wait for her, I will come visit her when i was allowed to for 2 hours at most, was only allowed to talk to her 1 hour on the phone in the week and weekends only once she finished her chores and stuff i could visite, if i took out to movies she had to be home before 5pm. So for 2 years I waited and stayed like that to prove to Shane' that she ment the world to me and i be there for her through it all... Everynight she had siezure I would drive there 10-12km to house just to see her if she is ok...and spend 10-15min with her till she fell asleep... after the 2 years past when she turned 17 her family finally said to me you can date my daughter so it was officail on the 07/07/07 I even bought her promise ring and heart shape neclace with diamonds to remind us of this date... so life still went on with us visisted her every night to 10 o clock went out to movies supper you know all the lovey dovey things when you are young and in love.. Then it become more issues with the family fighting with her treating her like the black sheep of the family because now she was spending more time with my family ( she become a part of our family because she didnt feel welcome at her family ) there was to much fights and everything between us then i got blammed one day for all her seizures by her mom and fight broke out between us.. then I snapped and broke up with Shane' because as much as it was hard on her it was hard on me... and in this time another girl was speaking to me about her problems and this also cause interference between us... then i thought by dating this other girl it would make Shane' hate me and not love me anymore and she could move on but deep down in my heart I LOVE HER SOOOO MUCH... i was trying to do the best for her to move on with out me... but then things didnt work out between me and this girl and Shane' wanted me to come back to her.. but i couldnt cause i know that i was not good enough for her then i tried to date another girl to try get my heart to understand leave Shane' alone..but yet that didnt work... Then eventually between me and Shane' we sorted out our issues out with the family and all. Her parents took her to get her epilespy undercontrolled by a specialist and finally got everything sorted and she been siezure free for good some time. Then she went for driving lessons and all then i bought her car for her so she could get around visit me for change instead of me driving around. Then she started working at a lawyers firm earning money and eventually she wanted to finished off her high school and start to studie so i helped out with money payed for her studies and medication and made sure she has everything she needed to live her life like she wanted. Her boss mother offered us a house to move in with each other and we took this chance for her to get out the house and we could start our lives together. this would be in our 4 - 5 years dating... Then my job I got more qualified and higher position and got more stress and manual labour. I love my cars and also bought my self very nice car when we where apart from each other. I was very scared to move in also cause i was not prepared because i also kept the piece at home between my mom and dad cause he can get very agro at times over the smallest things and i was worried about this also.. but anyway so life went on with us... we also enjoyed playing games world of warcraft with our good friends over seas and i built her up her own pc it was so awsome really was... and we had bonded so well with each other and everything we did we enjoyed... end of this year decemeber came and things were not right between us and i could feel something was not right and i kept asking her is everything ok cause i would come home and she was at her "Drinking friend house" who she met when we where seperated for the hole week and then i started to over worrie and thinking she seeing someone else... So what I did was wrong i know it was but i had to find out...the night she came home late she went to bed and fell asleep.. I took her phone and looked around mess around on it looking through her whats app and photos and couldnt't find anything unusaul. Then i downloaded the back up history of the msg of whatsapp and decoded it with program online and guess what i found she was talking to a guy and sending photos of her self and everything.... so i woke her up that night and confronted her about this and she couldnt believe me what i have found... after everything i been through she lied to my face 17 times when i ask her what is wrong... so i told her it over and im moving out the next day... When i get back there after work her hole family is there fighting for me to stay and this is all my fault because i was not paying attention to her and neglecting her feelings...I mean it was hard enough to see what i found and yet her family blamming me.. but anway they all left and i told her I LOVE her so much but why did this happen and she said she dont know and she is sorry and she dont want me to leave.. so we layed some boundries and spoke and said we need to communicate more and try resolve any problems we have in the relationship. Then is was awsome all over again peferct with each other through all of this into our 7 years dating now. Then the questions started comming up "oh when we getting ingaged when we getting married" from everyone and anyone we see together. Then i started get this anxiety worrying stressing about everything i do everything that happens where she is what she doing and all that every day of my life worried that im going to loose her again. Then i kept saying i dont want marriage and dont want kids right now to everyone... I felt that her studies was more important than these things at the time becuase i had the fear of her ending up like her mother who sits everyday on her ass and complains and moans and tells everyone else what to do with there lives and not working and living of her parents. I had the fear that the child would be a problem between us and she would never finish her studies...if i was wrong to say those things then i was wrong but i was just looking out for her... Then things got more sserouse at work i started getting promoted more time at work customers i had to look after more responsibillty comming home late from work earning good salary for what i was doing all in good just so i could know Shane' was safe and could be happy where we are in life. Then a girl at work started by us and she started to talk to me on skype and i said few things that i didnt or shouldn't have said how i was feeling at that point in time with Shane' and this was all linked to my xbox at the house and Shane' saw all of this... I didn't mean the things i said and i know it was wrong but i had not friends to talk how i felt cause i was under alot of stress and eveything at work... Then we spoke things out again with Shane' i said i will go see a phsychologyst to make my self better for her so i could get this anxiety and stress under controle so I dont loose her and to over come the fear of Marraige.. after those 3 months of therapy i came out better than what i ever was and this was the start of last year.. on my last day of therapy i said i will marry Shane'. Then i got promoted to Working Forman for my workshop and this put me into very difficult posistion where everyday was a stressfull day, it was exhuasting mentally and physically, i was worrying all over again every day of my life. i was comming home even later than normal... by that time Shane' has suppa and bathed and ready for bed... and this was leading to situation where i am now in where she left me 3 or so weeks ago cause "SHE CANT CARRY ON LIKE THIS".... end of last year i asked her father if i can marry his daughter.. the start of this month i went a put a deposit on her ring and desighned it myself for her, i was going to propose to her this weeked cause i knew she was the one i want to spend the rest of my life with and everything....it been 10 years now and she just gave up one day like that she threw it away... i even tried to fight for her even told her i was going to propose to her and her reply was "HOW THAT GOING TO CHANGE THINGS".. Maybe this is what i deserve maybe this has been my fault all along I dont know why or what she means by what she said and why she left me... i just packed up my stuff left all my things for her took my cloths and moved to my parents for now.. I payed up the rent for next 4 months where i was staying where she is right now and gave her everything and i didnt want anything back from her.. when they phone me 2 weeks ago to say the ring is ready i didnt even fetch it i left it there and ask them to sell it...i not contacted her again or seen her for 4 weeks now...she has not contacted me either.. there are other parts to this story that i have not spoken about but i dont want to blam that person for our relationship because ever since she become best friends with this girl and got involved for her wedding beggining of this month this is when just walked in and said to me she done. I know i did wrong in the past to her and i was a idiot and i know maybe my work has involved me to much and i have been neglecting her and not wanting to go out and meeting people cause im exhausted and my anxiety overwhelms me...never taken a holiday in 10 years i have worked...not everyone is perfect.. But deep down in my heart I know I LOVE HER so much, I gave up so much just for her because i wanted her to be happy...cause when she smiles my heart smiles i feel warmth inside of me that i can feel her heart is connected to mine and beats as one. Maybe i never told her she is Beautifull ever morning, or never home in time to cook and make food for us or spend time when i get home from work... The hardest part for me is trying to let go of her after all we been through after all we done for each other. I really do wish the best for her i do even if it not with me ( even though is hurts so crazy ) even if she left me for someone else... I dont want to hate her, i dont want to wish bad things for her.. I just want her to be happy and I am truelly SORRY Shane'.... I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU!

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