i kinda lied. i'm not much of an adult. give me a few years.
i'm complicated. i don't know how i function. i'm INFP. i'm mildly schizoid with a touch of psychopathy. i'm paranoid, thus use anonymization techniques and "www.7cups.com - Access Denied Error code 15; This request was blocked by the security rules" shit makes me want to grab a magnum, hah. take a guess what i mean, magnum the ice or magnum the 44 ?
revolver ice. pretty good.
best ways to describe me... i'm a lonely loner. (no friends, nobody, had to pull my own ass out of what i assume was depression). i'm an introvert whose energy is drained by stupid shallow vapid people, all around me, who talk to say empty and meaningless things, talk just to talk, are noisy, are touchy, are dumb and shallow, as i said. no depth in their eyes. what i also am is desperate for human warmth, compassion, understanding, belonging, pity. i am starved of human warmth. it's been six years or so since i last had a friend. try to guess whether or not i have a girlfriend. i think it's easy. existential. skipped teenage years, blended from kid to kind of an adult. the trauma, i suppose. closed in on myself. am a shell. apparently people say i've got a lot of potential. i have no motivation though. no reason to do anything, work hard etc. i mean, what's the worst that could happen ? me being a failure ? guess what, already kinda am, hah ! and if i end up homeless or working 15hrs a day at the factory still isolated, meaningless, bleak apartment and wageslave virgin and shit, i can just blow lead through my cranium, lol. and everything's magically over. i don't give a shit about death. it's not that i want to die it's that i don't see why i should care, honestly, i mean you have goals, motivation and shit, but my story has been pretty annoying so far and life is irritating and bleak and boring in general. i don't care anymore. i feel like i'm acting in a movie, everything i do, so unnatural. i feel depersonalized, like the warcrime-times soldier who's been killing kids for months and was horrified at first but now just doesn't give a shit and is capable of doing the worst and being a monster. i don't thing i'm gonna be a monster and kill kids though, that sounds fucking useless. i mean i have no purpose, no reason to live other than stick around and stuff. i'm not scared of death at all, it's a wonderful thing, i feel. favourite quote ? "the light inside has broken but i still work".... lol
i have so much more to say... i'd like to talk to some dude who apparently opened a channel with me but everytime i try to join i just get good old "www.7cups.com - Access Denied Error code 15; This request was blocked by the security rules"

have a nice day