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BouncyFish
769 M Little Steps
PathStep 16 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts77 Forum upvotes76 Current upvotes76 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2022 Member sinceAugust 29, 2015
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Sad potato from the moon, will trade love for food.
Recent forum posts
My secret panic attacks...
Anxiety Support / by BouncyFish
Last post
 August 30th, 2015
...See more This is going to sound really stupid but I've had panic attacks since I was 7 and I haven't told people yet. When I was younger I was bullied, stressed, and depressed but I didn't tell because I didn't want to be thought of as a failure. As all of this built up, I had my first panic attack at age 7. For an entire summer I did nothing and all I ate was soup and lettuce (I know, I was weird). I didn't know what it was at the time and my parents thought it was mono. They got a bit better for a few years but I was always shy and stressed from then on. Then it came back when I transitioned from elementary school to middle school. I was separated from all of my friends and so I was lonely for the beginning of the year. I had gone from a super friendly kid to being terrified to talk to people. I continued to be bullied and stress over everything but I never let my parents know because I didn't want to seem useless. I found some friends who I still have now an they were the first people I knew who were educated on this stuff. One of my friends, Claire, had depression and anxiety and taught me all about those things. I learned about self harm, eating disorders, and panic attacks. After being educated on anxiety disorders I began to think about it. All of my problems related to anxiety and panic attacks so I confronted Claire. She accused me of making fun of her problems and being an attention hog. I was truly hurt by her because I thought friends were supposed to support each other. After that I believed that I was being rude and that I should keep my problems to myself. I stayed this way for 6 months and school, bullies, and socialization made my panic attacks worse. Now, I wake up crying on a weekly basis, I'm mocked by my own parents for being antisocial, and I'm more anxious than ever. Everything I've heard says that I should tell my parents so I can see a doctor but no one seems to understand that the only thing more stressful to me than hiding my anxiety is actually having to tell my parents. I have spent my whole life worried about making my parents proud and seeming like the perfect child and I'm afraid that if I tell them they will think I am a disgrace or a waste of their time. After all, why would they spend so much time on raising a child if she ended up broken anyway? I'm just looking for suggestions on if I should tell, how I should, or just things to help me deal with my anxiety...
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