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Blackuro
5,541 M Moving Along
PathStep 68 Compassion hearts260 Forum posts19 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2024 Member sinceAugust 4, 2019
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Stuck in Life
Anxiety Support / by Blackuro
Last post
 April 14th, 2020
...See more Good evening. Today I just received some news that just destroyed my life, career wise. And having in consideration that my career is the most important thing in my life, this is a big deal. I always had this ambition of getting into Med School, since quite young. I have been trying to get to Med School for 4 years now. Not being able to accomplish such last year, I entered to Med Vet School, yet, I was feeling awful: I didn't like the fact that I had to do proceedures in animals (I felt awfully sorry for them, for hurting them, even if it was for their own good. With people is different, since the empathy one creates with people is also different. "You'll get used to it", they say, but I don't want to get used to it), I felt bad seeing my Med colleagues around, studying what they want and me studying something else. It made me feel useless, way too old in order to to go to university, I felt fustrated, like I was a failure. So I stopped attending those classes and I came back home, in order to study for my school exams once again, hoping that this year they'd be good enough in order to enter to Med School. The thing is, with the coronavirus situation, the way the school exams influence the entrance grade changes drastically, and it is practically impossible for me to go to Med School this year once again, due to such thing. I'd have to get the maximum grade in each of the 3 exams I am going to do. I am awful at Maths, and that's one of the exams they ask for. I know that I won't be able to get a 20/20 at Maths in my life. It is simply impossible. I know everything is ruined. I am 20 years old, I'll be 21 in a few months. In 3 months I need to do such exams. My mental state has been deteriorating over the course of the past few months, due to university, and there are days in which I can't get up of my bed, my motivation for studying has been declining as well, as 4 years of hard work gave me nothing at all. I was never too close to my high school friends, and in town there are not interesting people that I can form a connection with, so I am basically alone. The environment at home isn't the best either. My mum tries to be supportive, but she really doesn't know how, and at the same time, somehow, she makes me feel guilty and worse about all of this. The whole thing about getting into Med Vet School was to do the first 3 years of the course and then apply to Med School, with my bachelor degree. Here's the thing: I don't have the money to invest in 3 years of something that won't be useful for me in the future. Plus, I'd have to wait 3 more years. It's suffocating. If I enter to Med School this year I will only finish the course at 27. This is holding me back, this is stealing my youth. I feel alone, lost and a failure. I am tired of my life, and at the moment I don't have the strength nor the time to do anything about it. After years of not going to therapy, I decided to settle an appoitment with my university's psychologist. The thing is, it will only be next month. Until then I will be suffering about this. I feel desperate, my anxiety ibviously got worse. I don't know what to do. Sorry for just bursting all my fustrations and feelings into this thread. I am lost.
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