Ashhhxx Member Profile

...See more This maybe be long I’m sorry haha, but I feel like I need to finally get some help. So I’m a teen and a few years back I moved cities, from a place where I grew up and knew everyone and had a lot of Friends and a busy city, to a complete quiet one where I knew nobody. And honestly every.single.day i struggled. My first high school I went to I started experiencing panic attacks when there’d be fights and I never understood why it was happening. I was a different race to everyone and I couldn’t fit in. But I made great friends who just made me feel seen and loved. Eventually I had to leave that school to one close to my home. and in this place everyone was my race. But the biggest bullies. On my first few days I got a lot of attention, but with attention I guess comes jealous and a lot of nasty rumours spread about me and I had only been there for a week. But I get it it’s school and people need something to talk about. I fell into depression because i was hated for no reason and I genuinely had a good heart and was so confused. Over the next 2 years I completely lost myself. I had toxic friends who would use me. I had one who told me she was anorexic and would make me pay for things and make me stay up till late with her but she never returned anything back. In the end when I confronted her she told people we were never friends and just classmates. That hurt but I moved on. I then lost my best friend because she didn’t like me talking to anyone else that isn’t her and someone told her our races can’t be friends. That situation killed me. But I got back up again. The next year I got into another group and boy was this the worst one. Only 1 friend who brought me in wanted me there. The rest hated me and made me feel so excluded. They never included me but said it’s my fault I never spoke when they wouldn’t even look at me when speaking, and they would talk about conversations and not mention me to be a part of them. I would literally just be there sitting on the outside at breaks while they’d all be looking at each other and talking, recently I spoke up about it, and they really showed their true colours. I stood up for myself but they became the victim, they also never let me speak to another friend of mine who made me laugh every time we spoke. And they’d become off with me every time they saw that. Now I lost myself completely, I can’t be myself but when I am people have s problem. If I am alone I get targeted and seen as a nobody but when I’m with people I’m not valued. Everyday started to drag and become draining. I was slowly healing but the friend who makes me laugh sent me a message saying her group had considered me to come in but because it’s the last year it would be awkward and I should just go find someone else. Now that hurt me. Even though her intentions weren’t bad, I felt like I wss ditched and no one will ever want me, at this point no one will include me and because I’ve become drained I’m just quiet. And I’ve been feeling anxious to go back to school even though I really need to focus on my exams, but the fact that people assume things about me makes me even hate myself. I have no one to talk to or trust just because people are cruel now a days. I don’t know what I can get out of this but I’ll just wait. And thank you if you made it to the end

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