Ascariel
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Last activeJanuary, 2025
Member sinceNovember 27, 2024
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Unsure of my path. If you have the time to read for a bit i would really appreciate it
7 Cups Online Therapy /
by Ascariel
Last post
December 5th, 2024
December 5th, 2024
...See more
I am 24 years old, and I haven’t figured out what I want to do with my life yet. I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction I look. I graduated from high school at the end of 2018. By early 2019, I started working right after high school, installing hardwood floors with my dad. I’ve always been a problem solver, which was reflected in my 3.75 GPA in high school. I mention this because I had the opportunity to go to college, but I decided against it. College didn’t feel like the right path for me, especially since I wasn’t sure what I wanted to commit to as a lifelong career and spend thousands trying to figure it out. Right after high school, I worked as a floor installer for a year, and I hated it. One of the main reasons was the early mornings— and arriving late at night and not having time for myself or friends or even my girlfriend. I had to leave the house by 6:30 a.m. every day. I also didn’t pack lunches, so I ended up eating out most days, which drained my money quickly. My dad, has always been a floor installer for as long as I can remember, and he was thrilled that I was working with him. Growing up, my dad was tough on me, insisting that I learn the trade and excel at it. He would get upset when I didn’t offer to help him with projects around the house, even during my summer breaks, which was when I was around 12 to 16 years old. He had high expectations for me, which added to the pressure. One of my earliest memories is of attending my elementary school. I spoke a foreign language, so I couldn’t communicate with others, and every day I attended school felt horrible. Although I was surrounded by many people, I felt alone. One day, the tears just stopped. I don’t remember why, but they did. I became friends with other students, and even on the bus, I had an older friend who helped me overcome the anxiety of school. He spoke my language and would teach me phrases, words, and expressions to help me feel more comfortable. I started developing confidence. I stayed at this school for about 4–6 months before I had to switch schools because we moved. When I arrived at the new school, I was held back because I wasn’t fluent in the language yet and because I started very late in the school year. This bummed me out. Once again, I was at a new school with new people, but I felt a bit more confident in myself. I didn’t like the fact that my younger sibling, who was one year younger than me, was in the same grade. Other students found out that I had been held back and would tease me, calling me dumb and other names. As a result, I hated being in the same grade as my sibling. While I was growing up, my parents would scold me and yell at me for getting bad grades. To this day, I don’t know if I have some learning disability, but it was very difficult for me to stay focused on tasks. I would hear my parents argue a lot while growing up and say things to each other that they shouldn’t have. A lot of the time, they would take their anger out on me if I got a bad grades or tried to express myself. Because I was a "boy," I wasn’t allowed to cry or talk about my feelings. They would tell me my emotions were invalid because I was a boy. I grew up constantly looking over my shoulder because of the area I lived in and my parents always telling us to stay alert. They said cops weren’t friends, and we should expect something bad to happen at any moment. I always felt that constant pressure to look at my surroundings and pay close attention to people. This is partly why I didn’t like drawing attention to myself. I avoided the spotlight. So, I would pressure myself to get good grades and be the best I could be at anything I did. However, this also meant I sometimes hurt myself. I would slap myself or put myself down, getting so mad at myself that I would channel that anger into focus. At some point in elementary school, I started to get bullied. There was one specific person who would call me names and tease me relentlessly. I wanted to fight back, but my parents always told me not to attract attention to myself and to just ignore it if it was only name-calling. Sometimes, however, he would kick me or tease me physically. In one of my classrooms, he sat directly across from me, which made things even worse. There was a small container in the middle of the table that was meant to hold pencils for all four of us. He decided that it shouldn’t stay in the middle and instead kept moving it onto my desk. I didn’t like that because I often had papers on my desk that I was working on, and I needed the space. Every time I moved the container even an inch off my desk, he would get upset. He’d slam it back down on my desk and tell me not to move it. It kept bothering me, so I kept pushing it back. At some point, I just put it on the ground. He got so upset that he made the person sitting next to me switch seats with him when the teacher wasn’t looking. Then, he punched me in the ribs. It hurt so much that I put my head down and cried. No one said anything—they just stared at me. The people sitting across from me looked like they felt bad and told me I should say something, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I hated that moment. I hated that I couldn’t fight back and that I was being bullied by this person. At the time, I didn’t realize it, but in that moment, I made a decision: no one would ever treat me like that again. I also realized that no one stood up for me, and worse, I didn’t stand up for myself. He ended up leaving the school a few years later, but before he left, someone stood up to him. We were all excited that someone finally had the courage to confront him. After that, he calmed down a bit and became more verbal instead of physical. However, one time I got in trouble because I cursed him out. I found it frustrating because I was standing up for myself, yet I still got in trouble with the teacher. She gave me a warning but didn’t take further action. After that incident, he didn’t bother me much anymore. It was the first time I had stood up for myself. It didn’t feel good, though, and I don’t really understand why. Even though I stood up for myself, I didn’t feel the sense of pride I expected, but I did it. Ever since that incident i never really had a problem in standing up for myself and no one really bothered me in that sense ever again in my life. I learned to snap back and make comebacks happen quickly. I had to learn that i had to stand up for myself even if i didn't have the confidence to do so. My parents said a lot of verbal things as i kept growing up i always made sure my grades were good and i always tried to be in the top few of my classes i didn't want to be first because i didn't want the spotlight. Before I continue, I want to lighten the mood with a funny memory from school. One of the things I used to do was go to classrooms and collect papers from the recycling bin. We had this fake money system where teachers would stamp and sign the money, which we could use to buy certain items every month. When I saw some of the fake money in the bins, I couldn’t resist collecting a few of them. I know it wasn’t the right thing to do, lol, but I did it anyway. I didn’t want to take too many at once because I didn’t want anyone to figure out what I was doing. So, I’d collect a few at a time and add them to the ones I earned legitimately. Eventually, someone else started doing the same thing but got caught. After that, the teachers stopped signing the money, although they still stamped it. Even then, I found a way around it. Since my handwriting wasn’t the best, I convinced someone with neat handwriting to mimic a teacher’s signature. Of course, I gave them a cut for their help. Looking back, I know it wasn’t the right thing to do, lol, but it taught me something: I could think outside the box and come up with creative solutions—even if it wasn’t always for the right reasons. Around middle school, I grew close to my cousin. He always encouraged me to do things that were good for me—just being a kid, making friends, and hanging out outside. Because of him, I tried new things and wasn’t worried about what others thought of me. He worked hard too, and I looked up to him. He’s three years older than me, and I remember seeing him go to work with my dad when I was younger. I wanted to be like him, so I would try to do what he did while also finding my own path. We shared a lot of common interests, and he also helped me overcome the depression I was experiencing. I had been self-harming—not just physically, but mentally as well. Thanks to him, I stopped hurting myself physically for a while, and to this day, I don’t harm myself anymore. I started to value his opinion the most—to me, he was the smartest person I knew. After we moved closer to where he lived, I began spending more time with him. We moved because our house was robbed, and living closer to him felt like a fresh start. At the time i didn't want to leave my friends that i grew up with but i didn't have a choice. Over time, I noticed he had changed a bit because he was going to church. He convinced me to join him sometimes, so I started going too. I even began dressing up more for church, which was something new for me. I always found it interesting that he would dress nicely for school as well. He loved God and never let others sway his opinion about his faith. When we moved, it felt weird going to a new school. On my first day, everyone was so nice to me—welcoming me and wanting to get to know me. I wanted to prove to myself and everyone around me that I was smart and athletic. On that first day, I had to run a mile in pants because I didn’t know I was supposed to bring shorts. Even so, I ran it and finished pretty quickly, surprising everyone. That felt really nice. I made friends with a lot of people pretty quickly. I became part of a group, and we would hang out together. However, there was this one guy who would bully and tease the others in our group. One day, I teased him back, and he didn’t like it. Despite that, we stayed cool with each other. He stopped teasing the rest of the guys after I said something to him—and the others did too. It felt good to stand up like that. We didn’t fight or argue, but I stood up to him, and it worked. I kept my grades up and didn't want to get left behind so i made sure to keep my grades above average. Towards the end of middle school there were a few programs that i signed up for because my friends were going to these programs that and i wanted to follow them because i didn't want to be left behind. I got into one but that wasn't the same one that my friends were going to I was able to get the chance to finish high school in two years and take early college classes fore free as well. Looking back at it now i should have stayed but i didn't i was in this program for about 3 months before i transferred to the school my sister was going to and where some of my friends were. At this high school, it was a traditional setup, so I took my classes and almost finished in the top 100 for freshmen. I made a lot of friends, and a lot of people knew me, but I didn’t know many of them personally—if that makes sense. After I passed freshman year, I tried to get a job at a restaurant. However, I was talked out of working there, which bummed me out because I really wanted to work. My aunt and some of the coworkers convinced me to focus on school instead, even though it was summer break. I didn’t study much—I knew I could pick things up quickly and still pass, so I didn’t feel the need to study. Instead, I spent my summer break with my dog, watching TV, motivational business videos, and tech videos on YouTube. Sometimes, though, I had to go work with my dad as punishment. If I talked back to my mom or if something was bothering me, I’d get so angry that I’d punch walls, slam doors, or be rude to whoever was around me—I didn’t care. My punishments at the time included working with my dad or losing access to the internet and other privileges. One of the worst moments I remember was when my parents were on the verge of divorce over something I thought could have been resolved. They had a big fight, and I tried to break it up, but my mom didn’t want to stop arguing. Instead, she turned her anger toward me, calling me names like “dumb” and “lazy” and saying many other foul things. At one point, she even said, “You aren’t even your father’s son,” and added that the only reason they stayed together was because of us—the kids. I was so mad at her I couldn’t even speak. I walked out, angry and crying at the same time. I went to the backyard and punched the fence. I broke several boards at once and almost took down the entire thing. My fists were bleeding, my forearms were bleeding, and I was overwhelmed with anger. My dad rushed outside after hearing what my mom had said. He knew I was upset and tried to calm me down. He told me what she said wasn’t true, helped me stop the bleeding, and stayed with me. Meanwhile, my sister stayed upstairs with my mom, who was still yelling and screaming. My mom was so upset she started saying she wanted to harm herself. My younger siblings were there too, scared and confused by everything that was happening. Even after calming down, I couldn’t stop questioning why my mom would say something like that if it wasn’t true. I later learned that the fight stemmed from my mom wanting more money from my dad. She had been saving money just in case they ever split, because everything was under his name. She felt vulnerable and afraid she wouldn’t have anything if the marriage ended. Over the years, people had gotten into her head. She had friends whose marriages didn’t last, and she saw how much they struggled afterward. I guess she didn’t want that to happen to her, so she collected rent from one of my dad’s properties and saved it for herself. My mom didn’t work—not because she didn’t want to, but because my dad didn’t want her to. My dad, however, was frustrated because there were times when he didn’t have enough money to pay for two mortgages. He would get into debt because of unexpected expenses like tools or periods when work at the job site was slow. Neither of them ever communicated about these issues, and it built up over time. I saw firsthand how money issues can destroy relationships and affect the people around them. My parents’ arguments taught me how important financial stability is. They wanted me to work hard so I wouldn’t have to live paycheck to paycheck or face the kind of struggles they did. Growing up, especially in high school, that was a lot of pressure. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life or what job I needed to have to make enough money so that one bad month wouldn’t leave me broke for the rest of the year.
The thing stuck to me and that sucked was that i didn't really get to hear how they were proud of me or that they would say that they love me but they sometimes showed it with actions by giving gifts or small hugs but at the time i didn't see it as that and i would blame myself that i wasn't pushing myself hard enough to have them say those words. So for awhile i started putting a lot of pressure on myself and putting my self down to stay focus and when i would lose focus i would use anger to get
myself back on track.
I met someone and started dating her, and she helped me through so much. Looking back, I hate the fact that I tried to change her for a while. She didn’t have the same problems I did growing up, but she had her own issues to deal with, and I tried my best to help her with those. Sometimes, I would lash out at her and raise my voice unintentionally. I felt horrible whenever I did that because it was never my intention. Despite those moments, she was the first person who helped me open up about how I feel and start learning about emotional intelligence. She valued love more than money, and at the time, she didn’t care much about money because we were still just 16–17 years old. Later on, she came to understand its importance, and now she’s been helping me through this process. I owe her so much gratitude and love for everything she’s done for me. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her, and I wouldn’t have had the courage to write this and reflect on my experiences if it weren’t for her. I want to give her everything she wants in life, and I’m determined to make that happen for her. She helped me through my toughest times, and I was there for her during hers. I’ll always be thankful for the love and support we’ve shared.
Around this time, I got my first job thanks to my cousin’s help. He knew a lady who owned a startup restaurant, and although the food there was amazing, there wasn’t a lot of clientele. I tried my best to get people to come in and eat, and sometimes they did. However, the restaurant was located inside the mall, and it wasn’t even near the food court, which made it harder to attract customers. This job was also where I met one of my long-time friends. I used to do almost everything in the restaurant when I clocked in. Since I was still in school, I only worked four-hour shifts, but during that time, I was a cook, prepper, food labeler, dishwasher, cashier, and server. Everyone there worked hard and wore multiple hats. I even got my sister a job at the restaurant too. With my earnings, I was able to accomplish some big firsts. My dad helped me open my first bank account, and I got my first phone and my first watch. I was also finally able to take my girlfriend out to eat, which felt great.
After I graduated early from high school by six months, I started working in construction from 2019 to March 2020. I hated the early mornings because the first few hours always felt unproductive due to the lack of structure. That whole year, I was making good money—even one week, I earned $7,000, which was insane to me at just 19 years old. It showed me the potential in installing floors, but the hours were brutal. I often worked from 6 a.m. until midnight or finished at inconsistent times like 6, 7, 9, or even 10 p.m. The unpredictability really bothered me, though I didn’t fully realize back then how much inconsistency stresses me out and demotivates me. At the time, I just worked hard so I could go out to eat, travel to different places, and buy whatever I wanted. I was very hard-headed and didn’t want to listen to my dad’s advice. He would tell me to save my money so we could buy property outside of our area—about an hour away—where land was cheap. I knew it was possible, but I wanted to do my own thing. Instead, I spent my money recklessly. While working with my dad, I also took the time to learn how credit works and what I could and couldn’t do with it. Gradually, I improved my credit, and toward the end of 2019, I took out a loan for a car I really wanted. I handled everything on my own—I went to the dealership, discussed my options with them, and figured out how to get the car. I even opened a second bank account to manage the financing. When they ran my credit, it came back excellent, and I was approved. That moment was huge for me. I was extremely happy because I did it all on my own. It felt like proof that I was capable of handling things independently. My mom often told me I couldn’t do anything on my own, and my dad occasionally said the same. But this was my chance to prove them wrong—to say, “Ha, I did it!” It was a proud moment, one that showed me I could take control of my life and achieve my goals. In March 2020, right before everything started going downhill because of COVID, I ended up catching the virus. I remember working and feeling absolutely horrible. I felt cold and hot at the same time, my head was pounding, and I was coughing a lot. I told my dad, “I don’t feel good.” He dropped me off at home, and I went straight to my room and slept. The next day, I surprisingly felt fine, but I still took a COVID test, and it came back positive. I had to quarantine, and suddenly, I was stuck at home with nothing to do. During that time, I slowly discovered investing. I went down a rabbit hole learning how to trade and invest, which kept me occupied for a while. My girlfriend also ended up getting COVID, so we spent time together in my room. We watched TV, cooked together, and just hung out. Most of my family members caught COVID too, except for my dad, who didn’t seem too worried about it. My girlfriend and I kept ourselves busy by cooking, coloring, and spending time together. Luckily, I had some money saved up, so I wasn’t immediately worried about finding a job. Since I still had COVID, I couldn’t work even if I wanted to. But then I got COVID again, and it dragged on for another two weeks. Even though I felt fine, the virus wouldn’t leave my body. It lasted about two months in total, and by then, I realized I was dipping into the "yellow zone" with my savings. I knew I needed to get back to work, but I also didn’t want to return to construction. I started applying for jobs and sent out applications to many positions. Eventually, I landed a job at a dealership appraising vehicles, which felt like a fresh start for me. I loved this job because I was surrounded by people who knew so much about cars, and I’ve loved cars ever since I was young. I knew so much about the Camaro because it was my first dream car. The car I bought in 2019 ended up having its motor blow out, so I had to replace it. I had some money saved up and bought myself a reliable hooptie. It was great on gas, clean, and got me where I needed to go. After driving that for a while, I saved up more money and bought a Lexus. I ended up selling it for a profit, which really excited me. The hourly pay at my job wasn’t the best, but flipping cars allowed me to make up for it. That experience gave me a sense of independence and possibility. I stayed at the job for a long time because the work environment was amazing. I had encouragement, support, and fun while working there. Even though the schedule wasn’t ideal, I always knew what time I’d be getting off, which gave me some consistency. On the side, I was still learning how to invest and trade. I made some money and lost some too, but I was figuring things out. One day, I visited my cousin and told him all about my job and what I was doing with flipping cars and investing. He loved hearing about it, and it felt good to share how far I’d come.
I saw my cousin’s life improving significantly. He worked in construction, then as a mechanic, and eventually went to school for a bit before completing a tech bootcamp to become a full-stack developer. Watching his life come together inspired me, and I realized I wanted something similar for myself. When I asked him about it, he encouraged me to try the bootcamp and give it a shot. At the time, I wished I had studied ahead of time because everything in the bootcamp felt new and overwhelming. My sister’s boyfriend also decided to join me, and we both enrolled in the same bootcamp. We studied together, but neither of us liked the program. However, we had already paid the full $15,000 tuition, and leaving would have meant losing 50% of our investment. I hated the feeling of being stuck, but I pushed through and graduated in June 2021. After graduating, I was optimistic about landing a job in tech, but things didn’t work out as I hoped. Despite applying to countless positions, I couldn’t secure a role right away. I continued studying while still working at the dealership, but over time, my hope of breaking into tech began to fade. Feeling frustrated, I decided to create a company with my sister’s boyfriend to gain experience. I figured that if no one would give me the opportunity, I’d create it myself. We started the company with the sole purpose of building projects we could showcase on our resumes and discuss in interviews. We managed to complete a few jobs, but despite our efforts, neither of us could secure a position in tech. Eventually, I started losing motivation and gave up on coding altogether. I stopped learning and practicing, choosing instead to enjoy my 20s. During this time, I was making good money in other ways. I started flipping cars (BMWs, low mileage cars, Porsches), creating car videos, and selling vehicles, including my first Porsche. Over time, I was able to buy and sell three more Porsches, making decent money from each flip. However, the income wasn’t consistent, and I knew it wasn’t a sustainable long-term plan. By 2023, I decided to give coding another shot. I started studying Java and gradually improved my skills, feeling more confident with time. Even so, I still couldn’t land an interview, which made me hesitate and question whether tech was the right path for me. Toward the end of 2023, I had the opportunity to interview for a position at the dealership where I currently work. Although I didn’t get the job, I performed well during the interview process, which gave me confidence in my abilities. However, I realized I needed to further develop my technical skills, so I sought out a mentor from the dealership. Unfortunately, the mentorship didn’t provide as much guidance as I had hoped. Had I gotten the job, it would have required me to relocate to a new state, adding another layer of complexity to the situation. In the first few months of 2024, I felt disheartened and considered giving up on pursuing a career in tech entirely. Despite this, I continued studying sporadically while simultaneously honing my cinematography and photography skills. During this time, I began planning a business that would leverage my expertise in appraising cars and my understanding of the value of high-quality photos and videos. The goal was to help clients sell vehicles through online auction platforms open to the public. While the concept was strong and aligned with my skills, I underestimated the amount of effort and resources required to bring it to life. This realization was both a challenge and an opportunity to reflect on how to turn the idea into something sustainable. During the early summer of 2024, I found a program funded by the Department of Labor designed to help individuals break into tech. Since August, I’ve been part of this program, passing my exams and helping other students who are new to tech. I’ve been taking on leadership roles, using my natural abilities and prior knowledge to assist others. It feels great to be part of a community where we help each other grow and succeed. The experience has been fulfilling and motivating. To attend this program, I switched to part-time work, as the program runs Monday through Friday from 2–6 p.m. It’s been a valuable learning experience. My sister’s boyfriend also joined the program after I told him about it, and we’ve been helping others through some of the more challenging parts. When we encounter something we don’t understand, someone in the group is always there to help, which reinforces the sense of community. While participating in this program, I continued working on my vehicle consignment business. Given my prior experience in this area, I believed it was a great idea and kept pushing forward on days when I was ahead in school. I spent time on *** Marketplace, searching for opportunities. One day, I found a BMW for sale and decided to cold-call the seller. To my surprise, he really liked my pitch and wanted to meet me to discuss my idea. At first, I was skeptical about meeting him since I didn’t know who he was, but we arranged to meet at a coffee shop. During our conversation, he told me he wanted to help because others had supported him when he was starting his own business. After the meeting, I looked him up and discovered he is one of the biggest commercial real estate sellers in the area. I was completely shocked. I couldn’t believe I had impressed someone of his caliber, and the fact that he wanted to help me meant so much. In that coffee shop, we talked about who I was, what I was trying to build, and my vision for the business. It was an unforgettable moment that gave me a renewed sense of hope and motivation. We arranged to meet weekly to follow up on my progress with the business. At our second meeting, I introduced him to my partners who were helping me create the business. However, they eventually decided not to follow through. They also didn’t seem capable of taking the initiative needed to build a business, which led me to schedule a meeting with them to ask several key questions and assess their readiness. They answered the questions, but after thinking about it for about 2–3 days, I realized their goals and commitment didn’t align with what I was hoping for. I needed partners who could take initiative and actively contribute, especially since they were going to be part-owners. I didn’t want to feel like I had to tell them what to do all the time—if that were the case, they might as well have been employees. Ultimately, we decided not to move forward together, and they went their separate ways. I also sought help from a program that supports small business startups. As I worked through the startup guide, I began to realize that my original idea—vehicle consignment—might not be viable. It didn’t seem like it would provide enough consistent value to justify pursuing it daily. At the same time, I kept facing rejection from potential clients. During my last meeting with my mentor, we discussed these challenges. He asked me a lot of thought-provoking questions and offered advice, suggesting that part of my struggle stemmed from wanting to prove to my dad that I could succeed on my own. He recommended that I reevaluate my business idea and be open to starting fresh. I agreed, and while I’m okay with going back to the drawing board, I still feel uncertain about what path to pursue. I’m still in the tech program, which ends on December 27, 2024, and I want to figure out what I truly want to do before then. My mentor pointed out that I have a “golden ticket” because of my dad and his experience. My dad has expressed his willingness to help me, as he’s built a few homes in the past and has valuable knowledge in construction. During one of our conversations, my mentor asked why I didn’t want to go into the flooring business. I struggled to answer. After reflecting, I think part of the reason is that I simply didn’t enjoy it. I know there’s a lot of money to be made in construction and flooring, but I’ve always had an interest in tech. That said, I’ve been learning tech for a while now, and I still haven’t landed a job. It’s discouraging to think I might end up working for someone else in either field, even if both have the potential to make a lot of money. I also enjoy creating content—specifically cinematic car videos—but I’ve only ever explored content creation in that space. I don’t know if it’s a viable career path or just a hobby. I’m unsure whether construction, tech, or content creation is the right fit for me. I’ve weighed the pros and cons of each, but I still can’t make a clear decision. What I want out of life is to make $600K annually, I don’t mind how long it takes but that’s what I want and have the freedom to take weekends off or work on them if I choose, and achieve financial independence. My question to you is this: How can I gain clarity and figure out the right path forwad
Quarter life crisis
Motivation & Accountability /
by Ascariel
Last post
November 30th, 2024
November 30th, 2024
...See more
Hey Everyone, I hope everyone is doing well!
I am new to this place and i would like some help and some guidance if possible, thank you!
Just know this will be a long thread....
I am 24 years old, and I haven’t figured out what I want to do with my life yet. I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction I look. I graduated from high school at the end of 2018. By early 2019, I started working right after high school, installing hardwood floors with my dad.
I’ve always been a problem solver, which was reflected in my 3.75 GPA in high school. I mention this because I had the opportunity to go to college, but I decided against it. College didn’t feel like the right path for me, especially since I wasn’t sure what I wanted to commit to as a lifelong career and spend thousands trying to figure it out.
Right after high school, I worked as a floor installer for a year, and I hated it. One of the main reasons was the early mornings— and arriving late at night and not having time for myself or friends or even my girlfriend. I had to leave the house by 6:30 a.m. every day. I also didn’t pack lunches, so I ended up eating out most days, which drained my money quickly. My dad, has always been a floor installer for as long as I can remember, and he was thrilled that I was working with him.
Growing up, my dad was tough on me, insisting that I learn the trade and excel at it. He would get upset when I didn’t offer to help him with projects around the house, even during my summer breaks, which was when I was around 12 to 16 years old. He had high expectations for me, which added to the pressure.
One of my earliest memories is of attending my elementary school. I spoke a foreign language, so I couldn’t communicate with others, and every day I attended school felt horrible. Although I was surrounded by many people, I felt alone. One day, the tears just stopped. I don’t remember why, but they did. I became friends with other students, and even on the bus, I had an older friend who helped me overcome the anxiety of school. He spoke my language and would teach me phrases, words, and expressions to help me feel more comfortable. I started developing confidence. I stayed at this school for about 4–6 months before I had to switch schools because we moved.
When I arrived at the new school, I was held back because I wasn’t fluent in the language yet and because I started very late in the school year. This bummed me out. Once again, I was at a new school with new people, but I felt a bit more confident in myself. I didn’t like the fact that my younger sibling, who was one year younger than me, was in the same grade. Other students found out that I had been held back and would tease me, calling me dumb and other names. As a result, I hated being in the same grade as my sibling.
While I was growing up, my parents would scold me and yell at me for getting bad grades. To this day, I don’t know if I have some learning disability, but it was very difficult for me to stay focused on tasks. I would hear my parents argue a lot while growing up and say things to each other that they shouldn’t have. A lot of the time, they would take their anger out on me if I got a bad grades or tried to express myself. Because I was a "boy," I wasn’t allowed to cry or talk about my feelings. They would tell me my emotions were invalid because I was a boy.
qlc
Motivation & Accountability /
by Ascariel
Last post
December 4th, 2024
December 4th, 2024
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