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Ii have been feeling like this for a while now, but not sure if I’m being unreasonable. I apologize for the long *** thread in advance. I have been with my partner for almost 10 years, I have 2 kids from a previous relationship, I got out alive of that relationship by the skin of my teeth, spent 5 years single once I escaped and when I met my now partner we were friends first, when we decided to get together we talked everything out, I can’t have more kids because of damage to my uterus done by my abuser, I have C-PTSD, ADHD, anxiety, depression and POTS, and all this comes with a bundle of symptoms, he knew this and we agreed I would try to talk things out and that he would respect my boundaries; our relationship was good and stable until 2 years ago, his mother got sick and I agreed to take care of her for 2-3 days while he finished a couple of things at works so he could go stay with her and his brother to take care of her, this lasted a month, during this month I slept on the floor because she had our bed, he would sleep with her, I was barely eating because his mother would only eat a few things that she likes and money was tight, so I would feed my children, him and his mother first, sometimes there was barely a portion left for me and she would either eat it while I was busy with my own work or spit on it while he wasn’t looking, I lost 12 kilos in that month, I was sleeping 2-3 hours each night and when she noticed I was sleep she would wake me up by kicking my pillow or putting her phone flashlight directly on my face, once I was awake she would say she just wanted to let me know she was going to the bathroom or to get water, I told him I needed my space back at least once a week, but he would have another excuse to stay here, finally I snapped and broke down crying because I was hungry and tired and needed my room as I have panic attacks and I made a small crawling space for me to get in while I get a hold of myself, and I couldn’t get in it many times because she didn’t like me going into my room. We had a huge fight and he left with her that day, he came back less than a week later because he couldn’t stand staying with them anymore. We worked things out and last year his brother started using crystal again, he then started saying their neighbors were spying on them, by then he had been unemployed for a little over a month, they called him one night asking to stay here because they were in danger (they weren’t). He said yes, without even asking me and when they got here he said they didn’t tell him anything and that it was only for one night, they stayed a week and I was ***, I wasn’t saying anything but unfortunately my face was, they left only to return a few days later with the same excuse, again he said they just showed up but his older brother told me they asked and he agreed, again without asking. My sister stayed here twice for a month each time while she was saving to rent an apartment and she had a job, so he used that to tell me that he agreed to them staying here because of his mother, I did ask if my sister could stay here, both times and didn’t let her bring her stuff until we talked about it. His brother is still unemployed (8 months) and they have been bouncing around from relative to relative because nobody is willing to pay for them while his brother refuses to work and both of them are rude, they criticize everything and everyone while acting as martyrs, so they ended up here again, this time I laid down some ground rules, his brother needed to get a job ASAP, and as soon as he is unemployed again he’s out, he is not to start using any kind of drug again or he’s out, and if we are going to pay for them they need to respect my kids space, so far so good, the leach has a job and has not used yet. Now my partner is unemployed too, he got laid of and paid for a few months, he blew that money already, and has a job line up to start in a few days, again, I agreed to be patient and let them stay, they have been here for a little over a week, they sleep in the living room, and I try to stay out of their way, puts me on edge to even hear their voices, a few days before they moved in I had an appointment with a new psychiatrist and she changed some medications and adjusted others, so I’m still adjusting and feel like crap most of the time, understandably (or so I thought) I’m isolating even more than usual, I’m sleeping 3-4 hours and eating every 24hrs, this is both because I’m nauseous most of the time and because the food is barely enough, so I rather have my kids eating well, which is a slippery slope because I had anorexia in my teens and he knows this, I also tend to self harm when I’m overwhelmed, after I escaped my previous “relationship” I stopped self harming for 8 years, then he started telling me he was tired of me being tired all the time and I started again, we got better and I hadn’t self harmed until 2 years ago, when I took care of his mom, I managed to stop again and now I’m back at it, that plus him telling me all the time that he is tired of me being tired, depressed and isolating makes me feel like crap. I always listen to music while I’m cooking because it helps me tone down my hallucinations (I have 5 people with me at all times, they were just 3, the other 2 appeared while I was taking care of his mom and the last time they stayed here), my kitchen is right in front of the living room and his mom started complaining that I put music and she wants to watch TV (she could, the music is at a low volume), she complained that I don’t sit and talk to her or take her with me everywhere I go, I usually take my kids (they’re teens now) for a coffee or ice cream so they can talk freely and is something we have done since before I met him. He started chastising me for being rude to his mom, I explained to him that I need to try and stay as calm as possible and that I’m *** tired so I don’t feel like, nor have the energy to spend time with her, I stated listening to music with headphones, he started complain that I’m always wearing headphones and that his mom is bored, I told him I didn’t know I was supposed to entertain her and that either way it was not part of the deal, he then told me he is tired of me, of me being tired and not socializing with her enough, with a long face all day and that everything I have is because of him, that I’m nothing without him and he stopped taking to me for 3 days, like not a word at all, he started talking to me again like nothing happened and complained that I’m not answering enthusiastically anymore, the apartment where we live is mine and I also work full time, from home, I do make less money than him but I have never been unemployed so I take care of my kids needs and every penny of my paycheck goes to the house expenses, his goes to him and his hobbies and he gives me a fixed amount each pay day, this has been the same amount from the beginning even if his mom and brother are here, inflations and all, I asked him for more money to cover all expenses without me having to go hungry and he flew right of the handle, saying he couldn’t believe I would do this to him and that he would not forgive me for not being grateful to him. I’m not sure if this is abuse of his part? Am I being unreasonable for needing space away from them and more money to feed 6 people instead of 4? I sigh a lot and you can tell I’m upset, and I’m feeling upset all day, everyday since they got here, I also dissociate from time to time, usually just for less than a minute but lately I have been dissociating for 1-3 hours a day, not sure if this is because of the new medication or them being here, he cancelled my follow up appointment because we can’t pay for that while they’re here. And I’m so lonely, I have 1 friend but we can’t see each other regularly because of our schedules and she usually visits me, she can’t right now because the living room and dining room are full of their stuff and my MIL is always listening in everybody’s conversations, I have another friend, he is a male and we have been friends for 22 years, we used to see each other at least one a month until I got together with my abuser, when I escaped him we stared to seeing each other regularly again and stopped because my now partner was rude to him every time he was here because he things my friend has a thing for me, which he doesn’t, I have no one to talk to, I can’t tell my male friend of my relationship problems because I feel so stupid when I do, and my best friend has told me to just go out when I can, she knows all this and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking things, I only had 1 relationship before him and it was with my abuser, we were 17 when I met him and escaped when I was 20. My partner and I we the same age as well, not sure if that matters. I don’t know what to do or how to do it, I’m not even sure how I feel anymore.
